


Skimmed Stones & Heartbeats

by LtLime23



Series: Disappear Without a Trace [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Developing Relationship, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:38:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 51,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtLime23/pseuds/LtLime23
Summary: UK 6th Form college (16-18) AU based after the Reaper war.Whilst I'm in the middle of the Month of Fanfiction Challenge I don't know how regularly I'll be updating this.





	1. Goddess Guide Me

**Author's Note:**

> UK 6th Form college (16-18) AU based after the Reaper war.
> 
> Whilst I'm in the middle of the Month of Fanfiction Challenge I don't know how regularly I'll be updating this.

Shepard blinked up at the endless blue bowl sky, how deep and enthralling the pure stillness and sight of nothing. It was funny, she thought, how comfortable she was despite feeling the rounded edges of the tar soaked sleepers and the pointed faces of the ballast hardcore in her back. She could feel the sun's heat radiate from the two hot rails either side of her, the tracks silent, for now.

It took only a split second for Shepard's chest to constrict in panic, her peace shattered, she lifted her neck just in time to see the faceless mass of a cartoon steam train bearing down on her, it's totally unnecessary snowplow about to career into her chest. Terror etched her face, wide eyed as the horn blared.

Shepard sat bolt upright in bed, breathing hard, heart pounding in her ears, scrunching up her eyes and shaking her head free of the rude awakening, ten years and still the sound of the morning siren petrified her. 

Her movements were automatic now, her body making up for the sluggishness of her mind as she carefully made her bunk, the only noise the sleepy shuffles of the other five girls she shared a dorm with. As one they filed out to the parade ground in their PT kit, the air cool against their bare legs and arms, the first grey light only just dusting the sky at 5.45AM in early October.

Tuesday was a ten click trail run, you had an hour to complete it, failure resulted in another lap this evening. Shepard shook herself trying to get herself going, the sharp blast of Captain Vakarian's whistle broke the uneasy stillness as the platoon of cadets moved forward as one, footfalls echoing around the camp.

After the first two kilometers and a steep incline the platoon had spread into a tangled line, snaking its way along wooded trails, the blanket of pine needles giving a spring to each step and the scent of resin hung in the damp autumn air. 

"Jay, wait up." Shepard eased her pace, looking over her shoulder to see Cadet Williams closing in on her right shoulder.

"Morning Ash" Jayne greeted her friend. Ashley had joined the Alliance Cadet program aged twelve, they were the two 'old timers' in the platoon. Most cadets join between thirteen and fourteen, others did start earlier but it wasn't uncommon for students to drop out, get pushed back a year or get discharged through incident or injury. Somehow the two of them had managed to stick together.

The pair fell instep, striding purposefully along the trail, they'd done this enough times to know how to pace it perfectly. The newbies who were out to prove themselves would be busting a gut ahead of them, only to burn out, whilst the cadets behind would get caught in the log jam of the main climb, losing time and having to sprint for the cut off, you miss the cut off once and only once, if you have any sense. 

"You're looking good today Shep" Ashley said, as they eased down the slope to the stream crossing, both timing their stride faultlessly to avoid wet feet.

"Thanks" Jayne replied, with hands on thighs they eased into a sustainable rhythm up the scree slope of 'heart attack hill'. "Chakwas gave me a tonne of stretches to do to try and loosen my hamstrings, seems to have done the trick."

"Up for a sprint finish then?" Ashley panted, a twinkle in her eye.

"Ha" Jayne laughed between strained breathes, "maybe next time, don't want to go too hard too soon."

Cresting the summit, they pushed on, dancing down the other side, reeling in the final few cadets who they hadn't passed on the upwards journey. The final k back to camp was along the metaled service road, here the cat and mouse games began. Despite her words Ashley knew Jayne couldn't help but play the game as they jostled for position figuring out when to make their move. Their pace ramped up, Ashley driving forward pushing Shepard hard so Jayne couldn't burn her off in a sprint.

Ashley took the inside line on the final bend into camp, hugging the curb, Vakarian stood, stopwatch and clipboard in hand, unsurprised by the sight before him. Lungs burning, Jayne made a last dig to sling shot herself around Ash, shoulder to shoulder both girls dipping for the imaginary line.

“Well done ladies, another photo finish, fifty-two oh nine, you slacked on the first five didn’t you?”

Jayne and Ashley grinned at each other, both bent over, hands on knees trying to catch their breath.

“Wanted to give the newbies a chance Sir.” Puffed Ashley.

The Captain let a flicker of amusement cross his face, “No Williams, you wanted them to think they had a chance.”

Ashley stood up and shrugged her response, as if to say, there’s a difference?

Garrus shook his head, “you two are done, hit the shower.”

“Yes Sir” both Cadets said in unison, standing to attention and saluting.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Jayne pulled on her usual black jeans, black t-shirt and Alliance zip through hoody, she sat on her bunk tying her boots as Ashley finished dressing in her fatigues. 

“Have fun on the outside” Ashley called as Shepard re-straightened her bedding before snatching up her backpack and heading for the door.

“Later pyjack” Shepard threw back over her shoulder.

Jayne pulled her backpack onto both shoulders and made her way to the bike shed, securing her helmet and wheeling out past the guard’s house, the smart-arse guardsman on duty waving her out. Swinging her leg over her stead Jayne pushed off, pedaling easily and letting the gradient sweep her through the military ranges and towards the bridge that linked the camp to the mainland and nearby town.

Mentally she ticked off her classes for the day, remember all the key points from the previous lessons and reprioritizing her ‘to do’ list. Jayne knew her freedom to study outside of the camp was a privilege, usually only the kids of serving personnel would attend civilian schools, if you were enrolled as a Cadet you studied on the camp. Shepard was a special case, her excellent grades, and other dispensations, meant she’d been allowed to take a spot at one of the best schools in the province, the Alliance wanted to push her, she already knew they had her lined up for officer fast track, this was just a case of giving her the academic grounding to back it up.

Using her omni-tool to seal the maglock on her bike, Jayne followed the stream of students into school, the clatter of lockers and easy chit chat ringing through the hallways. 

“Shep!” Jayne turned, closing her locker as she did so, reaching out to fist bump the krogan whose deep voice boomed across the hall.

“Hey Grunt, you okay?” Shepard had only been attending the school since September, she was still new and being new and an ‘Alliance’ kid made her a target, luckily it had been Grunt’s new start too and the pair had immediately hit it off whilst waiting to meet their personal tutor. They were taking different subjects but always found time to hang out and study together.

“Heh, yeah Shep I’m great, got charge ball practice this afternoon, you coming to the game on Wednesday?” He spoke as he walked backwards letting the tide of bodies wash him in the direction of his class.

“You bet!” Shepard called, taking a different corridor to her own lesson.

Shepard could see the line of students filling into her mathematics class, the shy Asari she saw in the library and who she also shared Galactic Politics with met her eye, a brief smile flew in Jayne’s direction.

Before she could react a hand clip her over the back of her head, causing Jayne to stumble forward a few paces.

“You bet!” came the whining teasing of Miranda Lawson, accompanied as always by Jack Naught and Aria T’Loak, the ‘three musketeers’.

“This isn’t some ancient American high school vid, Navy, this is the real world” Jack taunted.

Shepard hunched her shoulders and made a beeline for the classroom, Aria blocked her path, “you know I’m pretty sure this is the advanced mathematics class” she sneered, “I think Mr. Andrews has just been too polite to tell you to leave.”

Jayne shrugged, “I guess I’ll just keep coming then” she said calmly, sidestepping the Asari, her relief was palpable as she took her place at one of the desks at the side of the room.

It had been like that from the first day, the three of them just causing an undercurrent of discomfort, not enough to really get noticed by the staff but enough to make their target feel isolated and alienated. Shepard just shrugged it off, she’d had years of ranking officers bellowing in her ear because the crease in her dress blues wasn’t straight, she could handle a full of herself Asari.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Liara couldn’t get the taunting voice of Aria T’Loak out of her head, try as she might to focus on the algebra on the board her mind kept replaying the events of the morning, seeing Lawson sidle up behind the Alliance student, hitting her, the girl's hair flicking forward and the victim nearly dropping her things as she tried to stop herself. 

Liara blushed with embarrassment remembering T’Loak’s words, she wasn’t totally innocent; Liara had shared a look of surprise with many of her classmates when Jayne Shepard had been introduced at the start of the year, the other Alliance kids had a reputation for being ‘academically challenged’. But Jayne had consistently shown up to both advanced mathematics and higher-level Galactic Politics. Liara knew from her observations at the library that the girl was also studying Physics and Language Construct, not the usual choices for a navy grunt. 

The Asari maiden was surprised by her own intrigue in the human, she mostly kept to herself, choosing to fall into her studies and keep her head down, she knew she could easily become T'Loak's next victim.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shepard always spent her lunch period in the library completing homework from her morning class, she had very little time to study on base, the conditions of her release meant she still had to maintain her marks in Alliance specific classes, it wasn’t a great hardship, she knew the answers to the basic training exams off by heart but without consistent practice it was easy to drop vital seconds on things like gun stripping or combat drone protocol.

The librarian, a kindly Salarian had become accustomed to her presence and placed the relevant texts on ‘her’ table, it was out of the way in an alcove of shelves, he knew she chose this spot so she could discreetly eat her lunch. He'd also noted his other regular visitor, Miss T'Soni had taken to sitting on the table opposite Shepard's, he chuckled to himself as he realised the Asari was studying the human with almost scientific curiosity.

Today was no different, Shepard sat completing her essay for Language Construct on regional variations in English lexis, accents basically. She was actually rather enjoying her look into British terms of endearment, she found it amusing that a matter of miles could change you from being referred to as 'Duck', 'Love' or 'Hen'. Whilst accents still existed with more and more people being born off world, national accents remained but quirks of regional dialect were being lost with each generation.

Shepard discretely glanced up as the unnamed Asari who appeared to be an almost permanent library fixture took her place at the table across the aisle from Jayne. Shepard had noticed a few sideways looks from the girl, as if she were trying to figure out why Jayne was there. The cadet quickly became reabsorbed in her work, knowing her self-imposed deadline was nearing.

Jayne heard the Asari sigh and looked up, seeing Aria and Jack approach, the pair took a seat either side of the girl, who clearly didn't look thrilled by this turn of events. Shepard, kept her head down and quickly finished what she was doing, clearly not soon enough. A scrunched up ball of paper hit her in the side of the head, she left it where it fell, choosing not to react but feeling her jaw tighten.

"Surprised a Navy brat even knows how to read" Aria's loud whisper licked at her ear.

"Or form a coherent sentence" Jack added, "is that why you have to stay after school on a Thursday Cadet, still learning your alphabet?"

"What do you think Liara?" Shepard realised Aria was addressing the previously unnamed Asari, Liara, she let the word silently roll around her mouth, it suited her, delicate, pretty but strong, determined, Jayne couldn't help but smile as she caught the girls eye. Realising what she'd done, Jayne snapped her terminal shut and swept her papers into her bag, kicking back the chair, the librarian watched her disappear, her lunch lay uneaten on the desk.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Matriarch S'Fleur?" The Asari looked up from her desk, letting her features form a warm welcome despite the unexpected interruption by her newest human student, who was actually starting to shine through as one of the brightest members of her Galactic Politics class.

Jayne continued hesitantly, "I know I'm early but would you mind if I took my seat and finished off a little work, I just need somewhere quiet." The Matriarch simply nodded but filed the information away, she knew very well Jayne spent her time in the library clearly something had gone awry. 

The Matriarch didn't have to wait long to uncover the answer, Liara T'Soni, her top student tentatively stuck her head around the door, accompanied by the telltale mocking tone of Aria T'Loak in the corridor behind her student. 

The maiden blushed, mumbled something the Matriarch didn't quite hear whilst Liara turned to close the door. S'Fleur watched as, wordlessly Liara placed a crumpled paper bag on Jaynes desk before taking her own seat on the opposite side of the room. Shepard was taken aback by Liara's kindness, opening the bag to see her lunch intact. 

Her attention was caught by a sharp cough at the front of the room, "please don't leave crumbs on the desk Ms Shepard" Matriarch S'Fleur stated with a kind smile.

Matriarch S’Fleur brought her class to a close, "I have circulated the list of project titles for this terms group assignment, pair up and make this one count, 40% of your final grade rests on it." There was a collective intake of breath, Shepard felt her stomach drop as her teacher continued, "Ms Shepard and Ms T.Soni I need to speak with you both."

Jayne slowed her pace packing up her things casting a careful look across to Liara who mirrored her own uncertainty. Shepard gripped the straps of her backpack nervously as she stood next to Liara in front of the Matriarch's desk.

"You don't need to look so terrified the pair of you" S'Fleur chuckled, "I'd like the two of you to work together on the group assignment, you'll help each other get the best possible grade."

Jayne relaxed, but only for a second, she caught the horrified look on T'Soni's face, her mouth slightly open, wide eyed in disbelief, Shepard half expected her to start choking. 

The silence probably only lasted a moment but it felt like a lifetime.

Hiding the hurt that she knew had flashed across her face, Jayne simply nodded to her teacher and walked to the door, she just about managed to keep her voice level, “I’ll be in the canteen at 0800 tomorrow to discuss our options, please come prepared.”

Liara stared at the space Jayne had just occupied, the echo of her footsteps fading, the Asari realising she was hearing the pattern of a quick march.

“Liara T’Soni” the Matriarch’s expression was stern, Liara tried to stand a little straighter, not forgoing eye contact, she would take the disappointment on the chin, “I thought you of all people would understand the dangers of degrading stereotypes?” The maiden shifted uncomfortably, the realisation of how her actions had hurt another person sinking in, her teacher continued, “not only have you shown a total lack of respect for our newest student, you have also shown utter contempt for my decision making, do you no longer trust my judgement Miss T’Soni.” Liara knew it was a rhetorical question, “have I not always held your best interests at heart? Have I not allowed you to work independently on group assignments before, when I’ve known there was no other student suitably match to your ability?” It was true, Liara thought, she had always been allowed to work alone to allow her to get the best mark, the humbling shame of realizing she had hurt not one but two people caused a painful lump to form in her throat.

“I suggest you prepare your attitude as well as your notes ready for tomorrow.” S’Fleur’s final words carried the barbs that Liara held onto as punishment for her misdemeanor.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Her heartbeat pounded in her ears with legs burning Jayne pedaled hard over the bridge and started the climb back up to the base. She knew what all the civilian kids thought of the ‘squaddies,’ she’d heard their taunts enough times so why could she not shake the look on Liara’s face from her minds eye? Shepard pushed harder on the pedals, grinding a higher gear than necessary trying to quell her frustration, it’s because you thought she was different, the little voice in the back of her head throwing the truth out onto the floor.

Jayne gripped the handlebars a little tighter and saw the flare of blue skim off her knuckles.

“Dammit!” she scolded herself, pulling to the side of the track, she put both feet on the ground draped forearms on the handlebars and dropped her head, taking a deep steadying breath. Jayne focused on clearing her mind, accepting the situation, getting frustrated and hurt wouldn’t do any good, she simply needed to work hard and Liara would see her worth soon enough. She continued to steady herself, it had been a very long time since she’d lost control, Shepard resolved to never let it happen again, pushing off for home.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shiala opened the door to the T’Soni maiden as she approached, her rounded shoulders and bowed head betrayed the smile that she wore, the acolyte eyed her quizzically.

“Your father is waiting in the kitchen.”

Liara merely nodded, dropping her back at the bottom of the stairs and pulling on her slippers, she didn’t feel like she deserved the comfort they brought.

“Are you going to tell me what’s up or continue to torture that potato?” Aethyta asked, fed up of the one-word answers of her daughter who was usually bursting to talk about her day at school.

“I..” Liara’s voice cracked as the tears she’d been trying to keep at bay finally came, she dropped her fork and left the room, running upstairs to her room. 

Aethyta sat back in her chair and blew out her cheeks, “what did I do?”

“Nothing, she’s 67, what do you expect?” Shiala stated, a smile tugging the corner of her mouth, “I’ll go and talk to her.”

Shiala knocked gently on Liara’s door, the maiden was sat on her bed, back against the wall, knees to her chest clutching at a pillow, her cheeks still damp from her tears. The acolyte sat next to her and felt Liara lean into her, the older woman wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulder pulling her close.

“What happened?”

“Oh Shiala, I don’t deserve your comfort I’ve behaved shamefully” Liara whispered, Shiala was grateful the maiden couldn’t see her furrowed brown, she’d never known Liara to so much as stand on an ant let alone ‘behave shamefully’.

“Talk to me Little Wings.”

Liara sighed, “a new student started at school a few weeks ago, Jayne, she’s from the Alliance base, Matriarch S’Fleur assigned us as partners for this semesters project, I managed to look horrified enough that I both insulted Jayne and disrespected Aunt Alicia.”

Shiala managed to contain her laughter, it wasn’t funny but the maiden had got herself in a right tangle, she decided to approach this as she would a commando apprentice.

“Why did you act in this manner?”

Liara knew immediately what Shiala was doing and appreciated it, she needed this self-reflection, “I allowed my judgement to be clouded by what others say, I hadn’t realised that I too am just as guilty as those who actually tease and bully because I believe these things to be truths without question.”

“What truths do you believe?”

“I believed that because Jayne Shepard is part of the Alliance that she is in some way less intelligent than I.”

“Which also means?”

Shiala could almost feel the ball of guilt twist inside of Liara, “that I thought I were better than her, that I thought she were a lesser person, of lesser value.”

“Are these the thoughts you wish to carry with you?”

“No.”

With that the acolyte stood up and pulled Liara with her, the pair stood facing one another, each with hands gripping the others forearms, foreheads resting together. “Then let us pray together and ask that the Goddess guide you.”

“Goddess guide me” Liara uttered as her mind joined with Shiala’s.


	2. Out of my League

Jayne nodded her thanks to the cashier before picking up her tray and taking a seat at a table by the window, she dropped a peppermint tea bag into each of the mugs of hot water and took out her notes. Checking her watch and started making inroads on second breakfast.

Liara took a deep breath, entering the canteen five minutes early, she was nervous about facing Jayne, she knew she had to apologise. As she approached the Cadet she opened her mouth to speak but found words had failed her, luckily Jayne didn’t.

“Hey Liara” she said brightly, “I got you a peppermint tea.”

Liara set down her satchel and took the seat opposite Shepard, wrapping her hands around the mug, grateful for the peace offering. “Thanks” she replied shyly.

Shepard took up her spoon, “how about you tell me your thoughts on which question we should tackle while I finish this?”

The maiden was thankful for the direction, she appeared to have totally lost her senses, she mentally shook herself and pulled out her notepad, finally finding her feet as she started to speak.

“I thought we could do the question regarding the First Contact War and the impact this has had on the rise of anti-alien ‘far right’ groups both in human and turian society. I’ve already earmarked a list of reliable source material for developing our arguments.”

Jayne raised an eyebrow, “really?”

Liara nodded brightly, “oh yes, there’s a wealth of information on the topic.”

Shepard shook her head, “no, sorry, I meant do you really want to do that question?”

Liara was taken aback by the question, blushing slightly. Shepard realised Liara had chosen the topic that she thought Jayne would want to do because of her background, not because it was compelling or they could get a good grade in it.

“I had a look through the mark scheme” Jayne stated carefully, she didn’t want to hurt Liara’s feelings by rejecting what amounted to a thoughtful gesture, an olive branch, she continued, “the First Contact question only really leaves us the ability to present two arguments, I think the most we could hope to achieve would be a B, I’d really like to push a little higher, to take the pressure off the end of year exam and other coursework.”

Liara nodded, to be quite honest she too had come to this conclusion and was relieved not to have to complete such a dull assignment. “What were you thinking?” She asked.

“I was really hoping we could look into the perception of gender identify in Asari culture? It’s something that really interests me and I think we could develop a host of intricate arguments and viewpoints. I imagine it’ll get complicated very quickly and we’ll have to work hard to structure it coherently but I’m willing to put the work in if you are?”

Jayne watched Liara’s face light up, “absolutely!” the maiden exclaimed.

Shepard laughed, pushing her now empty bowl to one side, “be honest T’Soni, you really wanted to do that question all along, didn’t you?”

Liara bit her lip, and nodded, she looked down at her notes a little uncertain.

“I appreciate you thinking of what I might like to work on though” Shepard added kindly, “but I’m not your typical Alliance kid.”

Shepard saw Liara’s cheeks tinged with purple, “I know” she replied quietly.

Jayne sat up and looked at her watch, “ergh I’m still hungry but don’t really have time before maths.”

Liara looked at her quizzically “we had maths yesterday and do the Alliance not feed you?”

Shepard laughed, the sound made Liara’s heart sing, “number one, I’m taking Semester A & B maths concurrently so I can sit both exams in January, my timetabling is a little. . . complicated, I’ll be doing the same for physics next semester, it means I can take more subjects but not impact all the Alliance classes I have to take as part of officer fast track.” Liara simply stared at her, “number two, this morning’s PT was circuit 200’s, two hundred reps of press ups, squats and pull ups followed by a two-mile run, I’ll be hungry for the rest of the day.”

Liara shook her head, “I had no idea.”

Shepard packed her bag and stood up, stacking the tray with their dirty crockery, “why would you?” she shrugged simply.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Liara found herself thinking about the enigma that was Jayne Shepard throughout her morning class, she tried to estimate how long it would take someone to get through that much physical activity, shower, eat and cycle to school and concluded the Cadet must be up just after 5AM each morning. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice as she literally collided with the object of her thoughts in the corridor.

“Oh, sorry Jayne, I didn’t see you” Liara stuttered, hugging her books to her chest, why must she always make a fool of herself in front of this human?

Jayne just smiled and moved to walk past before turning, “Liara? What are you doing this afternoon?”

“I’ll probably make a start on some reading I have for a class, why?”

“I’m going to watch the charge ball game, cheer Grunt on, do you want to come?” Shepard wasn’t sure why she’d ask the Asari, the words were out before she really realised and now she’d said them it was obvious Liara would decline, Jayne found herself rubbing the back of her neck in nervousness.

Liara was momentarily taken aback, she had no interest in sports and had never gotten involved in that side of school life, on any other day she would have politely refused, but the crooked smile Jayne was giving her seemed to relieve her of her senses, “sure.”

They both looked at each other mildly surprised.

“Come on then T’Soni, all the good seats will be gone.”

Liara pulled her coat tighter around her as they made their way to the charge ball pitch, she followed as Jayne led the way the human appearing to carefully select which bleacher to sit on, finally settling on the top tier of the North-West corner. Liara realised these seats gave the best view of the pitch whilst using the stadium wall to shield them from the October wind.

Shepard lent back against the wall and put the sole of her boots on the edge of the bleacher in front, pulling out her lunch from her bag, chewing as she watched the teams warming up below. Liara studied her in profile, her curiosity got the better of her, “why do you follow school sport?”

Jayne swallowed her mouthful of sandwich, “it’s normal” she said quietly, “for ninety minutes I get to pretend I’m just a normal seventeen-year-old whose head is filled with nothing more than grades and the outcome of the big game.”

Liara wasn’t deaf to the hint of remorse and disappointment in Jayne’s voice.

“What is your head actually filled with?”

Jayne looked at her carefully, “when I get back to camp I’ll change into my fatigues, I’ll then spend an hour shooting moving targets from 130m with a high calibre sniper rifle before preparing a tactical assessment of a proposed mission plan, essentially calculating the most favourable outcome which balances primary and secondary objectives with potential loss of life.”

“Oh,” Liara went quiet, “is every day like that?”

“A variant on a theme” Shepard confirmed.

“Forgive me but I didn’t know Alliance Officers required extensive academic studies too.”

“They don’t” Shepard smirked, flicking a stray crumb off her knee, “good grades are my only way out Liara, I don’t want to be a solider.”

Liara looked at her in confusion, down below the teams were lining up to start, the referee placing the whistle to his lips, “it’s complicated, maybe I’ll explain sometime” Shepard said before turning her attention to the game.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Friday nights at the base were different, the Cadets were responsible for providing the perimeter patrol, three pairs worked for two-hour shifts walking the three-mile circuit. Ashley and Jayne always took the 4-6AM shift, allowing them to get just enough sleep not to feel terrible for the rest of the day. They groggily pulled on their fatigues and light armour chest pieces, trying not to disturb the other girls. Stepping outside, Shepard noted the drop in temperature, Autumn was quickly turning.

They each checked out their side arms and assault rifles before making their way in formation march, left elbow bent at ninety degrees, rifle butt in hand, barrel shaving the crest of their ear, berets suitably skewed.

There was always something, almost thrilling, about marching across the empty camp like this, regardless of Jayne’s feelings towards her future and the Alliance, she was proud of what she’d achieved so far, she was proud that her footsteps resonated with Williams’ and proud of the trusted bond they had forge.

Neither Cadet minded the patrol duty, once they had done the official change-over they dropped their rifles to the ready position, right hand on the grip, two fingers covering the trigger, left hand gently cradling the body of the weapon, balanced and posed. The perimeter path was concrete and unlit, the only light fell in pools from the watchtowers where the snipers sat in constant wait. 

“Come on then Williams, who is he?” Jayne whispered, this was the only time they got to talk privately, marines in training or not, gossiping was a universal truth amongst teenage girls.

Shepard could feel the grin on her friend’s face, “his name is James, Shep, he makes me actually swoon” Ashley sighed.

“They all make you swoon” Jayne teased.

“Yeah but this one’s different” Shepard bit her tongue to stifle her laughter, she’d silently mouthed the words predicting Ashley’s response.

Williams playfully shoved Jayne with her shoulder, “don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing Shepard.”

The pair continued in silence for a while.

“What about you?” Williams asked as they rounded the corner changing their heading from East to North, she’d noticed the usually laser focused Jayne Shepard had slipped into what looked like almost wistful thinking, it was usually only for a split second but the Cadet had noticed.

Shepard toyed with her answer, her hesitance a clear giveaway.

“Come on, spit it out, who is he?” Ashley persisted.

Jayne tipped her head back in defeat, “I don’t know yet Ash, there’s someone at school, I guess they, intrigue me.”

“You have to give me more than that Shep.” Ashley rolled her eyes, “I know you’re a hopeless romantic but come on I’m allowed more than ‘they intrigue me’.” 

Shepard sighed and stopped walking, the pair faced each other, “Ash” Jayne mumbled, “it’s a girl.” Once the words were out Jayne continued to walk, Ashley taking a few quick steps to fall back in line.

“Okay, so what’s she like then?” Ashley persisted, this revelation wasn’t nearly enough to throw Cadet Williams off the trail of juicy gossip.

Shepard smiled, grateful for such a blasé response, “Liara T’Soni.”

“Wait she’s Asari?” Williams cut in, “no offence Shep but er…”

“Yeah, I know I’m shootin’ way outta my league Williams, no need to rub it in.” They both stifled their laughter.

“Anyway, she’s smart, and cute and asks intelligent questions and her smile oh man…” Jayne trailed off.

“You’ve got it bad” Ashley teased.

“Apparently so.” Jayne was grateful for the darkness hiding her blush, and her stupid grin.


	3. Because You're Blue

Weekends in the T’Soni house were relatively relaxed in so much as they can be when a Citadel Councillor is in residence. Liara missed her mother desperately but knew her work was vital and wasn’t selfish enough to wallow in the unfairness, instead she made the effort to spend as much time with Benezia as she could.

Despite the November rain the pair walked arm in arm through the woodland on the West side of the estate, the coniferous firs shielding them from the worst of the weather.

“How are the anniversary preparations?” Liara asked.  
“There will be a small service on the Citadel, but it has been decided the focus should be on each species own celebrations.” Liara noted the frustration in her Mother’s voice.  
“I thought after all this time the galactic community would come together” the maiden pondered.  
“It has only been ten years since the firing of the Crucible Little Wings, many of our brothers and sisters are still rebuilding, the scattered corpses of Reapers still litter the Milky Way, fires still burn, the wound is still wide open.”

Liara nodded, grateful that she was able to have a normal existence, whilst the war had touched her it was a mere graze compared to the loss suffered by many. It made her think of Jayne.

“Mother?” She started tentatively, “what do you know about the Alliance camp?”

Benezia furrowed her brow, “outside of the university it is the largest employer of local citizens in the area, fulfilling civilian service roles mainly. The base is where newly enlisted personnel complete basic training and the Alliance operate their Cadet programme. Children as young as thirteen start their military education.”

Liara’s mind was reeling, as young as thirteen, she thought of Jayne waking up at 5AM every day since she was thirteen.

“Why do you ask?” Benezia queried.  
“I have a friend at school,” Benezia’s first reaction was one of amazement, at no point had Liara ever described another person as a friend, her daughter continued, “she’s a Cadet at the base but studies at school, she’s not what I imagined a solider to be like.”  
“People enter the military from all walks of life.” Benezia said smiling.

Liara pondered this, knowing that where Jayne Shepard was concerned something simply didn’t add up, people chose to join the Alliance, they weren’t forced to, so why had Shepard described her situation as ‘complicated’?  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When the pair returned Aethyta, Shiala and Alicia S’Fleur were seated at the kitchen table, a large pot of tea sat before them, two extra cups waiting expectantly. Liara took her Mother’s coat with her own, hanging them both to drip dry in the hallway, before taking her place at the table.

The maiden let the conversation wash over her, taking polite interest, she appeared momentarily startled when her Aunt addressed her.

“How is your assignment coming on Liara? Only two weeks until the due date.”

Liara suddenly felt shy under the gaze of her elders, “well, I think, we still have a lot of work to do, it is difficult as Jayne’s time is so constrained.”

Benezia raised, what would usually constitute an eyebrow, if she had any, “this is the friend, the Cadet? She is your project partner?”

Liara nodded, “yes Mother, we do as much as we can, and Jayne is always very well prepared and focused but I fear we may have bitten off far more than we are able to chew.”

“Her timetable is very intense, Tevos even had reservations about letting her start such an undertaking but Shepard is averaging over 90% in all her classes so we can’t complain.”

Liara stared at her Aunt, a human averaging 90% was almost unheard of, particularly across such a range of subject areas.

“Could she not take a day of leave? Maybe at a weekend, she could come here and you two could work for the day?” Benezia enquired.  
“I suppose I can ask.” Liara stated, swirling her tea.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Jayne stood, heels locked together, shoulders back facing straight ahead, trying desperately to ignore the bellowing of Captain Vakarian as he gave a Private a dressing down. Shepard had hoped she’d catch the Captain in a good mood, she desperately needed as much good luck on her side as she could get. She swallowed as she saw the ashen faced young man scurry out of the office, if he’d had a tail it would be firmly between his legs.

“Shepard!” Vakarian yelled as he dropped into the seat behind his desk.  
She entered and saluted before carefully closing the door behind her.

“At ease” the Captain’s tone was clipped, but held none of the anger it has previously, Jayne let go of the breath she’d been holding as she fell into parade rest.  
“You wanted to see me?”  
“Yes Captain, I need to request a special dispensation.”  
“Special dispensation eh, out with it.”  
“I have a group assignment due and need addition time to work with my partner, we’ve tried to fit as much in around my timetable and Alliance commitments but we would both be grateful if I could be relieved of duties next Saturday and allowed off base to study.”

Garrus had been expecting this, the email from the school had come earlier in the week, he knew Jayne would only ever ask for special treatment if it was absolutely necessary, not that it was special treatment, the Cadets were allowed to request leave just like any other recruit.

“Granted, I expect you on patrol with Williams as usual and back on base by 2100.”  
Shepard stood to attention, “Understood, thank you Sir.”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Enjoy your date” Ashley winked as she watched Jayne pick up her rucksack and head for the door.  
“Studying Ash, not a date.”   
“Yeah whatever.”

Jayne was still in her fatigues from the early morning patrol, her only ‘civilian’ clothes were in the laundry, no point upsetting the routine for one day. She mounted her bike and followed the directions Liara had sent her, it was easy enough to find although Shepard was a little taken aback by the long sweeping driveway that lead up to the house on top of the gently rounded hill. 

As she pedalled up to the house she noted the expansive views over woodland and a small lake, still in the early morning, the sun only just casting the horizon in a grey light. Shepard looked again at the house and realised she’d made an error, having been awake since 0330 to her it felt like midday, but there were only a few lights on at the windows, not unexpected at 7.15 on a Saturday.

Doubting very much Liara and her family would be grateful for such an early intrusion, Jayne lent her bike against the house and walked down towards the lake. At some point an ancient tree had been brought down, probably in a storm, it’s hollowed decaying body, sun-bleached silver lay silent on the pebbled shore of the pond. Jayne sat on the ground, back against the fallen trunk and looked out across the still water. Her eyes unfocused on the reflected horizon of the opposite shore, she let the stillness consume her, basking in the calm, how long had it been since she’d had time to just stop, with no place to be, no tasks to tick off. Jayne couldn’t remember a time when she’d last had that, when she’d had ‘time to waste’, it wasn’t that the thought troubled her but it did leave her with a taste of unease.

Absentmindedly, Shepard picked up a stone, and ran her fingers over its wet body, rotating it between her fingers and watching the dull sheen shift across its surface. Suddenly her world shifted and she was five again, her Mother’s laughter in her ears, the red striped picnic blanket spread on the grass bank above the glacial lake. The sun beating down on them, Jayne remembered marvelling at the contrast of intense heat yet there still being snow on the ground, a cherished photograph of her in shorts and a t-shirt, a summer hat in orange stood up to her knees in snow, a cheesy grin on her face.

How safe she’d felt as her Father stood behind her, leaning over and guiding her body into position, his strong, calloused hands, so gentle as they covered hers, pulling back her arm and explaining the perfect point of release. She’d practiced that day until her arm ached, stone after stone she’d tossed at the water, the infectious thrill of seeing one skim, how many bounces, once, twice, three times?

Her Father had explained how it worked, it was always his way, about how if you put backspin on any object it would skim. He showed her his magic, let him in on his secret, she saw for herself the moment his first finger whipped across the edge of the stone, sending it spinning into the water, it scuttled five or six times before sinking like the rest.  
Jayne’s Mother had protested when her Father stole the tin of tuna from the picnic, to prove his point. Jayne heard the whoosh of his arm through the air, could still see the shadows of the muscles in his forearm flicker as he sent the can hurtling through the air, she laughed with pure glee at seeing it dance across the surface, the spray spinning into the air like a catherine wheel. 

Jayne stood up, and took aim just like her Father had taught her, only now with years of dedicated practice under her belt, Shepard watched the first bounce break the morning stillness, the delicate slap of each impact before the final gulp as the water swallowed it whole. She watched the echoes fan out, criss-crossing one another, eventually dissipating and the tension of glass returning.

Shepard remained motionless, she breathed deeply, letting the air meander through her mouth, something in the air made her body tense, senses sharpen, hairs prick, she was being watched. Jayne made no attempt to look for her stalker, the hint of a breeze carried the scent of lavender from the tree’s to her left, out of place at this time of year.

Shiala had noted the visitor’s arrival, taken aback at the early hour, she’d watched on the surveillance system as the young woman carefully rested her bike against the wall, appearing to survey her surroundings before walking towards the lake.

The Acolyte pulled on her jacket, completing her uniform, with the Councillor in residence her formal honour guard duties resumed, she enjoyed the feeling of the supple leather flexing as she pulled it on. She walked silently across the soaked grass, not quite cold enough for frost but that would come soon enough. She skirted the contour of the hill looking down to see the human deep in thought.

Avoiding a direct approach Shiala walked beyond the edge of the lake, she would double back on herself through the treeline of the woods which butted against the water’s edge. She felt the kiss of a breeze over her crest, shivering at the unexpected touch. The bracken crunched beneath her boots, mingling with the rustle of the upper boughs.

The Commando lingered between the trunks, the girl stood motionless, Shiala couldn’t be sure what had caught the attention of her subject. Without warning the Cadet snapped her head to the side and looked straight at her. Shiala gasped, she had no idea why but she suddenly felt hideously exposed, caught spying. She pulled herself together and continued to walk towards Liara’s friend.

Jayne had seen the look of shock, the measured footsteps the Asari had taken through the undergrowth were at odds with the random sway of the treetops, you had to listen carefully to separate the two but Shepard had ten years of practice she knew the telegraphs of man-made and natural patterns.

“Good Morning, Cadet.” Shiala spoke warmly.

Jayne took the Asari in, noted the crest and teal piping on the leathers, a big house, an honour guard, who exactly was Liara T’Soni?

“Good Morning, apologies if I triggered your security, I hadn’t realised the hour when I left the base.”

Jayne was relieved to be met with a smile, “it isn’t a problem, Jayne isn’t it?”

Shepard nodded.

“I’m Shiala, an Acolyte of the T’Soni house.” Shiala offered her hand to the human, whose handshake was firm and steady.   
“And today you’re a Commando honour guard?”

Shiala nodded, smiling, she could already understand why Liara was friends with this young woman.

The pair turned their attention to the far side of the shore. After a moment Shiala broke the silence, she simply had to know.

“What gave me away?” Shiala was curious as to how a human teenager had picked her position, seemingly out of thin air.

Jayne let a smile cross her lips, “you smell of steam and lavender, it’s like a flare in the dark” she stated, “also, it was your only option if you wished to take your time with your observations.”

“You’ll make a very good solider” Shiala said, she was a little taken aback by the observations, she’d meant the comment as a compliment but saw the flash of tension in Jayne’s features.

Shepard looked down at her feet, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her fatigues, “thank you.”  
“Come, I’m sure the family won’t mind you joining them for breakfast.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Jayne noted her bike and rucksack had been moved, she located the latter at the bottom of the stairs as she followed Shiala into the main hall. Shepard stopped to shrug off her jacket and unlace her boots, the Commando noting how Liara’s Mother would appreciate such consideration and manners. Shiala grabbed her fur lined slipper boots and handed them to Jayne, “here, put these on, the tiles are always freezing.”

Shepard slipped them on and sighed, “I don’t think my toes have ever felt something so luxurious.”

Jayne allowed herself the smallest hint of surprise as she stepped into a small dining room, the space homely yet grand, she took in the modest dining table, placed for five, Liara and her parents already seated. 

Shiala presented Jayne to the table, “Councillor Benezia, Matriach Aethyta, this is Cadet Jayne Shepard, Miss T’Soni’s school friend.”

Liara turned to face her, expecting to see Jayne flashing her a smile. Instead she saw what looked like a fully fledge marine, uniform inspection ready, stood to attention, eyes looked at a point somewhere on the far wall above her Mother’s head. That uniform though, Liara couldn’t help but let her gaze travel upwards, seeing how the material clung to Jayne’s curves, the cut of the top, figure hugging, the rolled sleeves which drew a sharp line across Shepard’s bicep, the flexed bulge as she held the salute. Liara felt her lips part slightly and her tongue go heavy, she caught her Father’s eye and turned away swallowing hard against her blush.

“Good Morning Jayne, please, take a seat, we’ve been looking forward to meeting you.” Benezia had momentarily stood up and gestured to the seat opposite Aethyta.  
“Thank you, Councillor, Matriarch” Shepard nodded to each in turn as she took her seat, Shiala taking the last remaining place next to Jayne, opposite Liara, “apologies for disturbing your morning, my concept of time is a little, skewed.”

“Aethyta and Benezia are fine” Liara’s Father said, waving off the formality, “you aren’t on base anymore, just relax and eat something.”

Jayne did as she was told, the conversation over breakfast was mainly chit-chat between Liara’s parents and Shiala regarding the arrangements for the day, Benezia appeared to have a full day of entertaining dignitaries at the house. Shepard listened and observed the various interactions. 

“Mother?” Liara broke the natural silence that had descended as breakfast drew to a close, “will you be using the study today? I was hoping we might work in there.”  
“Of course” Benezia smiled, “although after lunch I will need the space.”

Liara nodded before looking to Jayne, the pair hadn’t exchanged a word, “shall we get starting?”  
Jayne replied, “sure” but looked awkwardly at her used plate. 

Thankfully Shiala noticed her hesitance, “don’t worry, this will be dealt with.”

The pair stood, Shepard holding the door for Liara and following behind.

Once the sound of their footsteps had faded Aethyta turned to her bondmate, “Athena’s tits are they just friends.”  
Shiala covered her mouth trying to supress a snort of laughter.

“Aethyta!” Benezia scolded.  
“Oh, don’t give me that Nezzie, your daughter just gave that Cadet the same look you gave me when I wore my leathers.”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The study, turned out to be more of a small library, the double height, square room had floor to ceiling book cases, the simplicity of the rest of the room made the space light and airy, an alcove window looked out towards the woodland, the monochrome November weather making the view look like a vinyl print. A board room meeting table capable of seating at least twenty filled the floor, it was here Jayne found her rucksack, alongside a tray of fruit, snacks and what smelt like mint tea.

Liara hesitated slightly, “I er, didn’t really know what you liked, other than mint tea, I think Mother went a little overboard on the catering, this doesn’t happen very often.”  
Jayne looked at her quizzically, “buying snacks doesn’t happen often, or?”  
“I don’t have many friends Jayne, cousins, offspring of family friends yes but, you’re the first person from school to come to my home.”

Shepard was taken aback, she had known Liara was shy and reserved but not to this extent, “then I best make sure to eat everything if everyone has put so much thought in” she smiled, “shall we debate Miss T’Soni.”  
Liara’s head shot up, eyes bright, “yes!”

The pair spread their papers over the table, time falling away from them as they highlighted key points from their research, both firing questions back and forth, taking notes and structuring their essay. After a time, Jayne poured two steaming mugs of tea and nodded towards the window seat. Liara took her mug and sat, feet tucked under her, both hands cradling her tea. Jayne sat opposite, both seats close enough that the Cadet could sit with her back against the wall, legs out straight, feet resting on the other seat, ankles crossed.

“What’s your personal view on this Liara, if we strip away all the source material, what do you believe?”  
Liara pondered this for a moment, “Asari culture is monogendered, there are no gender stereotypes, and I believe Asari to be gender neutral.”

“I disagree” Jayne countered, “many Asari, as we’ve seen from research and personal experience use gendered language, if Asari culture was indeed gender neutral, ‘she’ and ‘her’ would not feature.”

“Both your viewpoints are correct.” The pair looked up to see Councillor Benezia enter the room, she continued, “is there a more fundamental question though Jayne?”

Shepard thought for a moment, “in terms of the randomness of evolution I find it startling that two species which formed millennia apart ended up so closely matched. Yet despite how physically similar Asari and human females are, Asari are held in a much higher esteem. Even if we look at the crudest of environments, how many Asari maidens become dancers, yet why are there so few human female dancers?”

“Under dark lighting and with enough alcohol could you really tell the difference?” Liara added.

“Exactly” Jayne continued, “all other advanced life look up to the Asari, desperately seeking approval in many cases. My species has been around for only 6,000 Asari generations yet our scientists and scholars work alongside one another, even our grades” Jayne nodded to Liara, “are closely matched so this cannot be simply about intelligence.”

Benezia smiled to herself, Jayne spoke with passion and drive, but she was watching her daughter who hung onto the Cadet’s every word, absorbed.

“So, what does this leave us with?” Benezia questioned, perching on the edge of the long table.

“I refuse to believe it is because ‘you came first’, history has shown Salarian’s achieved FTL well before the Asari equally our collective adoration cannot simply be due to aesthetics, the crest is not mightier than hair, it can’t just be because you’re blue.”

Benezia watched her daughter laugh freely, had she ever seen her look so open and relaxed in the company of another?

“Which leaves only the meld.” Shepard concluded, “the Asari are the pinnacle of evolution, it is a startlingly simple construct that this peak comes about because of your unique ability to not only reproduce outside of your species but to share a unique and intimate space with another being.”

Jayne drained her tea, her eyes meeting Liara’s, words weighted, “Fundamentally I think we are all driven by a need to fall in love with a beautiful mind, to feel connected.”  
“Councillor, your next appointment is waiting.” Shiala’s head appeared around the door.

Benezia sighed, “no rest for the wicked.” She turned and left, having seen all she needed to.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Having finalised the structure and organised their arguments Liara and Jayne sat opposite one another at the table typing. They’d shared the various sections between then and steadily worked through their notes, occasionally asking questions but comfortable in companionable silence. For the most part Jayne remained focused but as the clock ticked closer to lunch time she found her attention drifting to nimble blue fingers dancing over keys, and the cute furrow of concentration that creased Liara’s brow.

At exactly five to one Liara closed her terminal, “time to pack up.”

Shepard leaned back in her chair stretching and allowing herself a yawn, she ran her fingers through her hair, enjoying the scruff against her fingers, Liara tried to ignore the nudge of attraction Jayne’s movements evoked.

Lunch was more relaxed than breakfast, everyone seemed to have found their stride in the day and the conversation flowed easily, Benezia and Aethyta sharing amusing anecdotes and asked questions about school. It was at the point that Jayne was taking her first forkful of apple tart that things took an unexpected turn.

Aethyta, wiping a stray crumb from her lips, “are you looking forward to the winter vacation? Only what three, four weeks off now, will you be heading home to your family?”  
Jayne’s mouth suddenly went dry, as though every excess drop of fluid had been sucked form her body in an instant, she felt her chest tighten, carefully lowering her fork to hide the shaking that would soon start.

All eyes were on her. Liara suddenly realised something was very very wrong, her eye’s widened as she finally saw the very large and very obvious piece of the jigsaw fall into place.

Jayne couldn’t look at anyone, when she spoke she focused on the feeling of the woodgrain under her fingertips, “the base is my home, both my parents were killed in the war, my Mum was part of the team that escorted Anderson through London, she didn’t make it to the LZ for extraction, choosing to stay and make sure he got to the beam. My Dad. . .” Jayne faltered, choking back the tears, “excuse me.” She pushed back her chair, the legs grating on the floor, scratching through her. Her steps were fumbled as she hurried from the room, managing to find her way outside into the chilled embrace of the grounds. Gulping the cold air into her burning lungs.

Aethyta put her head in her hands, “well shit” she looked over at her daughter, Liara looked shell shocked.

Benezia stood and swept from the room, grabbing her coat as she traced Jayne’s steps.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shepard pressed her back into the stone wall of the house, steadying her breathing and regaining control of the ball of hurt that threatened to untangle inside her. One simple question and her world had come crashing down, she felt the bitterness rise in her throat.

“Jayne?” Benezia’s voice was soft and kind, soothing to Shepard’s ears. Jayne looked towards the Councillor and saw a look of genuine concern, it was more than she could bare. 

She didn’t know where the tears came from or where they would end, she didn’t know at what point Benezia pulled her into her arms and held her.

Jayne couldn’t even remember the last time she’d been hugged, the last time an adult had given her comfort, she clung onto Liara’s Mother, an almost total stranger, the Citadel Councillor!

As with all storms, eventually it passed, Jayne regained her composure, Benezia allowing her enough space to wipe her eyes.

“Sorry” Shepard offered weakly.  
“You do not need to apologies Jayne, this is not weakness.”

Jayne nodded, “I, well, nobody has ever asked about them before and I’ve never had anyone to talk to, who isn’t Alliance, who isn’t trying to turn me into a solider.”

Benezia placed her hands on Jayne’s shoulders, “you do now Jayne” her words were full of compassion, “you have us, regardless of what happens between you and Liara” Shepard looked away her embarrassment deepening, “you don’t need to be ashamed of that either” Benezia continued kindly, “it is very clear how you both feel about one another, even if neither of you are quite ready to face it. The house of T’Soni is here for you Jayne.”

“Thank you” Jayne whispered, she meant it.  
“Come now, before you get cold.”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Benezia excused herself in the hallway, giving Jayne’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze, the Cadet made her way back to the kitchen, crossing her arms and leaning against the door jam, she watched as Liara, Aethyta and Shiala turned towards her.

“Hey” she said quietly.

Liara stood up about to take a step towards Jayne, to do what exactly she didn’t know so she just let her hands cling to the back of her chair.

“Sorry kid, I didn’t mean to go and put my big old blue foot right in it” Aethyta looked at her apologetically.

“Don’t apologies” Jayne started, “I er, don’t have to face that particular reality very often, I guess I’ve never had the time or space to deal with it.” Jayne ran her hand through her hair, “you’d think after a decade I might be able to handle it slightly better.”

Liara’s heart couldn’t stand it any longer, as she stepped towards Jayne the Cadet pushed herself off the doorframe arms falling to her sides, Liara reached out and took a hand in hers gently pulling Shepard with her as she walked back to the hallway taking the stairs to the first-floor landing.

Aethyta looked at Shiala, “did my daughter just assert herself?”

“Yup” Shiala replied, draining her tea.


	4. Commando Critique

Liara tried not to think too hard about the hand in hers, the warmth of Jayne’s palm, the grip of her fingers, if it never happened again she knew she’d hold this moment, this feeling inside her forever. The room they entered was little more than a cupboard, a floor to ceiling window afforded spectacular views over the treetops to the strait beyond, you could just see the edge of the island the Alliance base was located on. Shelves full of books and papers, photographs, OSDs and mementos covered every available space. A huge beanbag filled the floor with more books piled haphazardly around, it was chaotic and cosy, it was Liara.

The pair burrowed into the beanbag, Jayne letting herself be cocooned on all sides, her hand still in Liara’s, she didn’t want to let go.

“You don’t have to say anything, we can just be here” Liara’s words were gentle, hesitant, unsure.

“Thank you” Jayne whispered, squeezing the hand in hers, she knew she owed Liara an explanation though, “I’ve been living on the base since I was seven, my parents were both ranking officers and Captain Vakarian, he oversees training at the base, was a close family friend, he didn’t want me to go into the civilian care system so brought me here.”  
Liara simply listened, her thumb absently running a track back and forth over the top of Jayne’s hand.

“I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I know there are literally billions of people just like me, who lost everything and more in the War, the Alliance are trying to do the right thing but I really don’t know if I want what they’re offering. That’s why school is so important to me, I don’t have the money to go to university, my only option is to apply for scholarships, if I get a place the Alliance must grant me leave, otherwise I get sucked down Officer training and that means at least a seven-year commitment.”

“That’s a lot of pressure to be under.” Liara considered if she’d be able to cope under the circumstances.

The sadness Jayne felt was obvious, “I’ve had a lot a practice.”

Jayne let go of Liara’s hand, running her fingers through her hair and sighing as she slid deeper into the beanbag. “Anyway, no point moping about it, things are what they are.”  
Liara let it slide, she knew the hurt ran deeper but respected her friend enough not to push things further.

Shepard reached to the side and scooped up a pile of magazines, setting them on her lap and flicking through the titles, they were all back issues of ‘Commando Critique’ which appeared to be a publication dedicated to wannabe Commandos there were articles on the latest training methods, beginner ‘how-to’ guides and tips and tricks for keeping your leathers in tip top condition. They were also filled with photos of posing Asari in new armours, showing off their guns, mechanical or otherwise.

Jayne raised an eyebrow at a fidgeting Liara, “I’m guessing you have these for ‘educational reasons’? Or do you just look at the pictures?”

Liara pushed Jayne, “I do not just look at the pictures” the purple tinge in her cheeks deepening, she coughed, sitting a little taller, “if you must know, it’s in preparation for this summer, when I’ll be attending a biotic training camp.”

“Such things exist?” Jayne asked.

Liara nodded, “oh yes, some Asari will have been going for years, Shiala has taught me the basics, she’s instructing this year so I decided to formally enrol.”

“Do you want to be a Commando?”

“Goddess no! But I want to know enough to defend myself” Liara suddenly felt very self-conscious, “I’m grateful that I have the time to dedicate myself to study, literally whatever I desire. I know I live a very fortunate existence.”

“Is that why you don’t open up too many people?” Jayne turned her body towards Liara, she wanted her to know this was in no way a judgement or accusation. 

Liara’s fingers played with the hem of her sweater and nodded, “when people discover you are the heiress to one of the great houses of Thessia and the daughter of a Citadel Councillor they tend to treat you differently, they tend to only want to be near you in the hope power, money or influence will rub off.”

“I’m sorry, it must be really isolating.”

Liara smiled weakly, “yes, it can be, but I would never admit to it. . . “ She trailed off.

Jayne filled in the gaps, “because people would remind you that there are people in the world worse off than you and what exactly do you have to complain about?”

The maiden met Shepard’s gaze and nodded, she didn’t trust herself to find her voice.

“You know this doesn’t change anything right? I know we have the assignment but I enjoy the time we spend together not working too. Finding out about all this” Jayne waved to their surroundings, “it doesn’t change things, I still want to be friends.” Jayne swallowed back the thought that lingered, hung unspoken between them, ‘just friends’?

“How can it not, you saluted my Mother.” Liara said smiling for the first time.

Jayne grinned, “because I have to Liara, it comes with the uniform, just like your status means you have to behave in a certain way, so do I, thankfully your Mother was gracious enough to accept it as it was meant, as a sign of respect.”

“I’ve never thought of it like that, I assumed it was about affirming someone’s superiority.”

Shepard shook her head, “there is an element of that but fundamentally the salute is saying ‘here I am, I’m offering you the best of me because I respect you.’”

“So, it’s about trust?”

“A lot of things in the military are. They yell at you during Basic about your kit not being ‘right’ because if you can’t be bothered to do the, little things that have no consequence correctly then how can they trust you to make the really important decisions, that might literally mean life or death?”

“You know Jayne Shepard you are challenging my perception of soldiers.”

“We’re not all knuckle dragging bone heads T’Soni” Jayne teased, laughing along with Liara.

“I should get back” Jayne hesitated, “enjoy the ride in daylight.” The truth was Jayne would rather stay, she’d rather do anything but leave Liara’s company, and that was the problem, it was becoming more and more difficult to not look at Liara’s perfect features and not reach out, not say something stupid or inappropriate, not kiss her.  
Jayne stood up, Liara waivered, instantly feeling the loss of the other woman by her side, she looked at her hands, still clinging on to the sensation of having Jayne’s in hers. She gathered herself, standing, hoping her features wouldn’t betray her. Jayne waited by the door.

The pair stood awkwardly opposite each other, Jayne rubbed her neck, “thanks, for today Liara, it was really nice to just do something normal, I really appreciate how welcoming you and your family have been, it means a lot.”

Liara was shocked to find herself giving Jayne a hug, the human was also a little taken aback, but quickly wrapped her arms around the Asari.

“You’re welcome Jayne” Liara whispered, overwhelmed by the scent of Shepard, feeling her hair on her cheek, body so solid and permanent against her own, goddess what was she doing?

Liara almost jerked away, cheeks tinged purple, “I. . . Sorry, I don’t usually.” She stuttered.

Jayne tried not to let her feeling of deflation show, she coughed, “right, yeah, er, I’ll go and get my things.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The temperature was already falling along with the daylight light as Liara watched Jayne freewheel down the driveway, the maiden drew her coat a little tighter, shivering and not just from the cold. Rather than returning to the house she strode towards the footpath which meandered up through the woods, the trail eventually opening out to a viewpoint overlooking the strait and Beachley island, Jayne’s destination. As the light continued to fall the searchlights on the watchtowers, just visible above the treetops illuminated ready for another night of methodical roaming.

Liara sat on the wooden bench thinking about the events of the day, her thoughts falling into two clear silos, the revelations regarding Jayne and her parents and her feelings for the Cadet which extended beyond friendship.

Blowing out her cheeks Liara thought back to her own childhood, about how, despite living a relatively sheltered existence she was able to indulge in frivolous activities, she could flick through her omni-tool and would know seven-out-of-ten of the songs playing, she knew a handful of actors and actresses, what the latest trends were, she’d travelled before the war with her parents, seen incredible sites, visited museums and galleries. She admitted that maybe most of those things might not be ‘normal’ but she knew Jayne had none of those markers. Liara found it difficult to even comprehend what it must have been like to go through your formative years without a Mother or Father, without a confidant, without someone to draw a smiley face on a plaster and hug the hurt away.

She watched the search lights start to trail back and forth, she wondered if Jayne had arrived back yet, what she’d be doing, what the evening held for her, how she’d spend the rest of the weekend. Burying her chin in the collar of her coat Liara allowed herself to indulge in her feelings, letting the smile that tugged at her cheeks break free. The squirm she felt inside when she thought about holding Jayne’s hand and how much she’d wanted to stay wrapped in those arms, “Goddess I wish I’d kissed her” she whispered to the darkness.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“You’re back? I thought you’d be screeching in at 2059.” Ashley lay on her stomach, head at the end of the bed, legs bent, crossed ankles waving in the air, typing a message on her omni-tool. She watched as Shepard dropped her bag and removed her jacket, taking the time to hang it perfectly in her locker. Her friend then sat on the end of her own bunk facing Ashley.

“So, how did it go?”

Jayne groaned and flopped backwards, arms outstretched, “Ash I am so in trouble.”

Williams grinned, “come on then, tell all.”

Jayne propped herself up on her elbows so she could look at Ashley, “okay so it started out fine, you know, I found my way there, that was literally the last normal thing about my day because, oh yes, the girl I have a crush on, it can’t just be any girl it has to go and be the heiress to one of the most powerful houses of Thessia AND” Shepard stressed the word as Ashley had opened her mouth, “she’s the DAUGHTER of Councillor Benezia.”

Ashley laughed, so did Jayne, until the Cadet couldn’t take it anymore and pulled a pillow over her face.

“Wow, that really is something Jayne, couldn’t start out simple could you, had to go all in from the get go” Ashley teased.

Shepard sat up suddenly serious, she rested the tips of her fingers together, looking at the floor between her feet, “they asked about Mum & Dad, Ash. I kinda broke down. I just hadn’t thought about it you know? It was actually really nice to be doing something ‘normal’ not having to think about ‘what’s next’ and then yeah, her Father asked if I was going home for WinVac and I just totally choked.”

Ashley swivelled herself round taking both of Jayne’s hands in her own, “I’m sorry Jay, has the boss talked to you about the anniversary arrangements? I can’t believe it’s been ten years already.”

Jayne shook her head, “no he knows better than to ask me to be involved, I can’t stand it, no amount of pomp and ceremony is going to bring them back.” Shepard’s words weren’t bitter, some people found comfort in sharing their grief in a public forum, Jayne wasn’t one of them, she preferred to skim stone.

“How did she handle it?”

Shepard smiled, “she was kind and gentle, I was grateful for the chance to talk about it without being told how they were a credit to the Alliance and how I’ll do their memory proud.”

“Does she have a thing for you too?”

Jayne sighed, “I don’t know, maybe, there was a moment, where, dammit Ash I should have kissed her.” 

“Hey” Ashley pulled on the hands in hers to get her friends attention, “if there was one moment, they’ll be others, don’t force it Shep.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Shepard lay in her bunk and let the day drain away, easily falling asleep in tune with the rest of the dorm, her mind twisted and weaved, she dreamt of Liara.

Running through the burnt out shell of a London suburb, Shepard could feel the sweat form between hers and Liara’s hand, pulling the Asari along, lungs burning with the acrid smoke, the air filled with death and dust. Jayne looked over her shoulder fired off a round from her pistol, watching the husk wither and stumble.

Two more taps, forehead shots, two more down. Still they ran, still they came, the feral howls and clawing fingers swarming like flies though every nook and cranny. Hundreds of eyes staring vacantly as they marched haphazardly though the streets. 

Panic flooded Jayne’s chest, she pulled Liara into a building, clamouring up the stairs, three shots to kneecaps, causing the husks to fall and clamber over one another in pursuit. One bullet left.

Liara’s scream tore through her, clammy grey hands pulling at her ankles, dragging her back, Jayne looked her in the eye.

Suddenly she was six again, staring at the desperate face of her Father, paralysed she couldn’t scream, she’d counted his bullets, one to six, but still they came, the pistol lay just out of his reach. He’d dropped it as their flailing arms had felled the great mass of her Father like a giant Oak, the impact shaking the floor. He called her, yelling her name, fingertips out stretched, the husks pulling him further from her.

The weight of his sidearm in her hands, needing both hands to steady it, one bullet, she held her breath just like he’d taught her, she knew what to do. She held his pleading gaze until the last moment, “I love you Jayne.” His words echoing in her long after the shot rang out.

Jayne woke up tangled on the cold tiles, her nightwear soaked and clinging to her shivering form. She hoped she hadn’t cried out, disturbing the other girls, she lay panting on the floor, the image of her Father’s lifeless body still vivid in her mind.


	5. Mac'n'Cheese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note of apology - chapter 4 was a mess of typos, I hadn't realised how tired I was and I know how much a spelling mistake can break immersion.

Shepard's back crashed into the water, the thin layer of ice adding insult to injury, her head whipping forward, air knocked from her lungs with a thump on impact. Cold, grim water flooded her ears and nose, chest tightening against the chill, lungs already burning from the exertion. Her sodden boots found the bottom, she shook her head gasping for air as she reached for the surface.

Jayne, pulled herself out the side of the fall pit, cursing the rope lines above, saw the look of shock on Ashley's face, her friend still inching her way across. Shepard felt a strong hand grab a fistful of her drenched fatigues as if pulling her by the scruff of her neck. She managed to find her feet which were fast becoming numb, her whole-body shivering as the winter squall ripped across the assault course.

Jayne bent double, hands on her knees spitting out the water, wiping her face on her sleeve, the material stiff and abrasive on her skin.

"What happened Shepard, you haven't fallen off the leopard crawl since you were eight?" Garrus' voice was low, he'd noticed Jayne's deterioration, saw her edges lose their sharpness, saw the tiredness behind her eyes.

"I'm not sleeping well." Jayne said, it was pointless lying to the Captain.

"Nightmares again?"

A barely perceptible nod. 

"I think you're getting sick Shepard. Williams!" Captain Vakarian bellowed across the field.

Ashley jumped down from the cargo net, double timing to the Captain's side.

"Williams Shepard is sick, do you think she's sick?" Ashley caught the look in her commanding officers eye.

"Yes Sir, she's keeping the whole dorm up coughing, definitely sick." Ashley replied not missing a beat.

"Thought so, escort her back to base, get her warm, the pair of you are to move into Dorm 2-17 until she recovers." His tone clipped and professional.

"Yes Sir" Ashley saluted before pulling one of Shepards arms over her shoulder, leading her back towards the barracks.

Shepard only stopped to unlace her boots, choosing to stand fully clothed in the shower, it was too much effort to pull off cold wet gear. As she warmed up she started to peel out of her kit, tossing it to the far side of the shower room to pick up later.

Ashley came in with a towel and a fresh set of fatigues, she sat on one of the benches that ran around the edge of the room. "How long?"

Jayne pushed the warm water through her hair and sighed, "A week, maybe a little longer."

"Same story?" They'd been here before, Ashley had slept opposite Jayne long enough to know her friend was tormented by nightmares, well no, just one nightmare. It came in phases, it had been years since the last bout. 

"Same ending, different person." Ashley nodded, she knew that when the nightmares had started it was always Jayne's Father, but as she'd gotten older it had changed, she still replayed the final shot but the chase was with someone else. First it had been Garrus, then when their friendship had flourished it was Ashley, now Williams was willing to bet every credit to her name on it being, "Liara?"

Jayne nodded.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"You look a mess."

Shepard slammed her locker shut, a grin spreading across her face, "thanks Grunt, don't know if you've noticed but you're a krogan."

"Heh, I know I'm ugly Shepard, you have no excuse for looking like you lost a fight with a varren."

"Gee, way to make a girl feel good about herself, pyjak." Jayne threw her weight into his side, he hardly flinched, Grunt put the great mass of his arm across her shoulders, pulling her into him as they walked haphazardly down the corridor. 

"You gonna tell me what's up?" He growled gruffly in her ear.

"Just trouble sleeping, a lot going on, Alliance exams, school work, you know the drill."

"Something blue on your mind?" Grunt muttered, Liara stood waiting outside the library, Jayne blushed at the Krogan's words.

"Yeah maybe that too."

Grunt laughed, pushing her towards Liara and heading towards the sports pitches.

Liara didn't bother to ask what had been exchanged between the pair, she just absorbed the smile on Jayne's face as they pushed open the door to the library heading towards what had now become their table.

"Good day?" Jayne enquired, whilst pulling her papers and terminal from her bag.

Liara nodded, organising her own materials, "Biology was fine, although I have space cow blood down my nails from the dissection and this afternoons history class was purely revision and exam prep so it has been pretty easy, you?"

Jayne rubbed her face with her hands, "ergh, I started the day taking a very cold bath on the assault course and it hasn't really gotten much better, Maths B was fine for the most part and I really enjoy Language Construct so this afternoon has been good but, yeah, I'm feeling a little, stretched."

Liara chuckled to herself, that was the understatement of the century, Jayne had steadily looked more and more exhausted as the week had progressed. "I've sent you over the latest document version" she stated, firing up her own terminal.

The maiden watched as Jayne propped her chin on her hand scrolling through their assignment. She bit her tongue against the laughter that threatened to escape as her attention was caught by the Librarian was re-shelving books on the aisle behind them, singing under his breath. 

"I am the very model of a Salarian Librarian  
I’ve books from major cultures, Human, Drell and Batarian  
Arranged by Dewey-decimal not simply Alphabetical  
I’ve text books to help you learn in order categorical  
From language construct, History, and all things mathematical  
To chemistry and physics every one is educational  
But don’t be late as there are fines and even so by thennnnnnnnn  
You’ll have irked the raff from this very model a Salarian Librarian."

Shepard raised her eyes from the screen, "you've finished it?" Liara jumped at being addressed, Jayne just looked at her, it appeared the Asari had typed up both her own and Jayne's sections, there hadn't been a great deal left to do but still, it was a fair few hours of extra work.

Liara looked a little nervous and spoke shyly, "you've been looking a little, 'stretched.'"

At this point Jayne was so tired she thought she might cry from Liara's kindness. "I don't know what to say" she said in surprise.

"You don't have to say anything, isn't this the whole point of working as a team? I had time, you needed a break."

Jayne blew out her cheeks, it was a hell of a relief to have this project ticked off. Liara continued, "speaking of which, Shiala is waiting outside, I know you don't have to be back at the base until 7PM on a Thursday, you're coming to dinner."

Shepard was taken aback by Liara's assertiveness, there was only one thing for it, "yes ma'am" she said, tipping her things back into her bag.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Kid, you look like shit." Aethyta stated as the pair walked into the kitchen, taking seats at the table.

"So, everyone keeps telling me" Jayne sighed with a smile.

"Father! Do you have to be so rude?" Liara scolded.

Aethyta rolled her eyes, placing a steaming bowl of macaroni and cheese in front of Jayne and what smelt like some kind of fish dish for her, Liara and Shiala.

Jayne looked down at her bowl and then at the faces around the table, "I don't. . ." She trailed off.

To Shepard's surprise it was Shiala who spoke up, "I researched 'human comfort food' this is apparently it?"

"Pretty much" Shepard agreed, grinning broadly.

Aethyta smiled, "the maiden's in the kitchen were glad of a little variety."

They ate in relative silence, Jayne was thankful she wasn't being expected to partake in the conversation, besides, her pasta was incredible, she started to feel warm for the first time that day, who knew the healing power of cheese?

After dinner Aethyta took her leave, not wanting to miss her vidcom slot with Benezia on the Citadel, Shiala returned to her quarters and Liara led Shepard to her snug.

Jayne let herself flop into the beanbag, this time with her back to the window which was already dark, the nights had long since drawn in. Shepard looked around the room, trying to take in the titles of all the books and determine the origin of each souvenir, she wanted to know all the stories this room held.

"What's your favourite thing in this room?" Jayne asked, Liara gave her a sideways look, smiling sheepishly, Jayne sighed, "T'Soni."

The maiden turned to the shelves and pulled out a slim dog-eared book and handed it to Jayne. Shepard turned the small volume over in her hands, the yellowed pages crisp on her fingers, from the illustrations it looked like a children's book but written in a language Jayne couldn't understand. She passed it back to Liara who had taken her place next to the Cadet.

"Go on" Shepard prompted, shifting into a more comfortable position.

Liara relaxed, almost falling into the memory, "my Mother used to read this to me before bed, I was obsessed with the story and would beg her night after night to read it again, she would do voices for each character, and although I'm sure she tired of it she never once complained."

"It is an ancient Asari story, a little like human fairy tales I imagine, the young Maiden is forced to. . . "

Liara faltered, she looked to Jayne and found her friend sound asleep, head resting on her outstretched arm, the odd gentle snuffle escaping her lips.

The maiden shook her head, not quite sure what the feeling that was expanding inside her was as she looked at Jayne, so at peace, so relaxed. Liara threw a blanket over them both and picked up her current novel of choice, settling in to read whilst Jayne slept on. There was something so steadying about the weight of Shepard next to her, as though she sheltered Liara from the noise of the world, gentle waters found in her shadow. Admittedly Liara was a little unsure when Jayne shifted in her sleep, snuggling closer, she found her fingers tentatively stroking back the stray locks of hair that had fallen forward, soft fibres so at odds to anything she’d felt before. Mesmerised by the way each strand followed the next, the patterns created, the way the light caught and created texture, and when she realised and moved her hand away the sleepy murmur of “don’t stop” made her simultaneously burst out in a grin and cringe at being found out.

Liara’s omni-tool buzzed, she bent her head, “Jayne?” a half-awake noise of recognition, “It’s 6.45, Shiala is ready to take you back.”

Shepard dragged herself through the dregs of sleep, blinking hard to get her brain to re-boot, unfolding herself and standing up stretching. Liara tried not to notice the slither of midriff that had become exposed, pale skin pulled over taught muscles, the definition clear, even from here.

Jayne offered Liara a hand and pulled her upright, ending centimetres from each other, Shepard still groggy, focus caught by Liara’s lips so close to hers. Heads angled, both hesitant wanting this but nervous and unsure, eyelids threatening to flutter closed, breath held between them.

The chime of Liara’s omni-tool shocked them both apart, Shepard saw her own goofball awkwardness reflected in Liara’s features, 

“I should go.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ticking off her to-do list Jayne stood lost in thought at her locker, pencil between her teeth, triple checking she had everything in order. Friday was an easy day with only a Maths class in the afternoon, with all her classes winding down in preparation for the Winter Vacation and January’s exams, her workload was lightening, although it would soon be replaced with exam stress. It was only when Liara placed a hand on her elbow that Jayne realised she’d been approached.

She smiled, Liara’s hand lingered, “hey, sorry, miles away.”

“You look better” reluctantly, Liara went back to hugging her books to her chest.

“Yeah” Shepard appeared to have lost her voice, as it fell an octave “the medicinal properties of cheese and pasta really can’t be underestimated” she joked, but bit her lip against the smile she shared with Liara.

“I’ll see you in class” Liara whispered pulling herself away.

Jayne grabbed her maths notes, slamming her locker shut, she turned just as the outstretched arm of Aria reverberated through the metal, blocking Shepard’s access. Aria was a total contrast to Liara, all rough sides, reeking with the stench of spite and malice. Jack leant casually against the lockers to Jayne’s right, again blocking her path. 

Shepard sighed.

“I’m sorry, am I boring you Cadet?” Aria’s voice edged with grit.

“Of course not T’Loak, I’m simply desperate to know what I’ve done to deserve your undivided attention.” Jayne didn’t even attempt to stop the sarcasm from lacing her reply.

Shepard saw Aria’s nostrils flare, could feel her bristle, “what’s going on with you and T’Soni?”

Jayne raised an eyebrow, “really? I didn’t know you cared.”

The wisp of dark energy tickled Shepard’s jawline, “no I simply wish to relay accurate information to the Matriarchs, I’m sure they’ll be interested to know the Heiress is involved with an Alliance grunt.” She spat the words with venom, “it simply wouldn’t do to have house T’Soni tarnished with such controversy.”

Jayne pushed herself off the locker, knowing Aria wouldn’t stand in her way.


	6. War Games

As Liara made her way down for breakfast with her parents she was taken aback by the commotion that greeted her as she descended the stairs. The front door was propped open and the space was a hive of activity, leather clad commandos moved swiftly through the space carrying crates and equipment, unspooling cables and setting up monitors. 

Shiala stood in the centre of proceedings, datapad in hand directing her charges, Liara approached, "what's going on?" 

The acolyte turned, "Alliance assessed exercise." 

Liara furrowed her brow, "doesn't this usually happen in April or May?" The maiden was used to the disruption at the start of summer, with the estate opposite the island the strait and varied terrain provided the perfect environment for the Alliance to evaluate their Privates. 

Shiala rolled her eyes, "don't I know it, but they've got two Officers they want to assess this weekend, hot shots apparently so they're springing it on them, it'll all kick off tonight, Alliance Admiralty are coming in to watch." 

"Will I be able to observe?" Liara enquired, she quite liked following the war games, all the live feeds and the 'Adjudicator' moving the goal posts. It was an interesting exploration into the human condition to see how people would react to the unexpected. 

Shiala winked "I'll sneak you in."   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Shepard and Williams were just finishing their last circuit of the perimeter, it couldn't come soon enough, the hard-overnight frost had weaselled its way into their bones as they'd trudged through the night, both Cadet's grateful for their gloves, saving their hands from the cold bodies of their rifles. 

"It has got to be at least five below" Ashley whispers. 

"The forecast has it getting colder today, high pressure from the North sucking cold air down and clear skies" Shepard confirmed, December was living up to expectation, at least it was dry. As they neared the main entrance of the base the guardsman gave them a low whistle, waving them over. 

"Heads up Cadet's, I didn't say anything but Jenkin's has got his nice flag out" he winked. 

The Cadet's looked at one another, "well shit, if the last thing I need right now is an Admiralty inspection" Ashley whispered. 

Shepard agreed, "I was so looking forward to going back to bed" she groaned. 

"Well buckle up ladies and make sure your dress blues are pressed." 

Sighing the pair turned to leave, Ashely throwing a quick "thanks for the heads-up Joker" over her shoulder. 

"Shep, we have our Basic exams next week, why are they doing this to us?" 

Jayne tipped back her head, looking at the desolate abyss above, she exhaled, "not the important question Ash, the inspection will just be a formality, why are the Brass coming to the camp in the first place?"   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Neither Williams nor Shepard were surprised when the alarm signalling the imminent arrival of the Admiralty was sounded. They'd already half pulled on their dress blues, giving each other the once over, Jayne helping Ash to catch a few stray hairs that had escaped her bun. 

White gloves on the pair left their room ready for inspection and marched to the parade ground, once the announcement had been made there was no slacking whatsoever, if you needed to pee you made sure to do it in regimented fashion. 

Falling into platoons the Cadet's stood on the opposite side of the square to the regular marines who were nearing the completion of their first 12-week block of Basic training. A smaller rank of Officers in training stood adjacent, their crisp whites bright against the grey surroundings. 

As a collective they held their breath, regardless of age or rank they were a family and when the Admiralty arrived nobody wanted to let the side down. They celebrated as a group and took punishment as a group. 

The slow methodical inspection seemed to take hours, it didn't take long for Jayne to have to start tensing her stomach against her shivering. Admiral Hackett strode purposefully up and down the rank and file, his aftershave catching in the backs of their throats as he eagle-eyed each and every one of them. Occasionally stopping to point out a failing. 

Captain Vakarian stood in front of their platoon, the outcome of the inspection as much a reflection on him as it was on them. The Admiral, silver hair flashing in the winter sun paused next to the Captain, a brief exchange before he moved on. Vakarian saluted, before bellowing "Cadets, at ease!" 

Their in sync side step reverberated around the parade ground, echoing off each of the barrack blocks, as the Captain clasped his own hand behind his back he gave a discrete thumbs up, the Cadet's allowed themselves the hint of a smile. 

The Officers were the first to file off the parade ground, the gloss black peak of their white caps squinting like a bird's bill as they took their leave. As the last marines returned to their barracks the Captain turned to his charges, the Admiral making his way slowly across the square towards them. 

"Atten-tion" 

The Cadet's heels locked together, arms by their sides. 

"Cadet Williams, Cadet Shepard, remain!" Jayne was sure Ashley's stomach was also currently residing somewhere near her feet, they both swallowed hard as their Captain ordered the rest of their platoon to file out. 

Jayne felt the wind shift, its cold kiss, just as predicted, whipped across the now deserted square. Hackett approached the pair, his steps measured, taking enough time over his approach to know the Cadet's had to remember to breath. 

When he finally came to a stop the pair saluted in unison, both holding a gaze somewhere in the middle distance. 

"At ease" gravelled voice, heavy but reassuring. 

"Cadets, at 1900 hours your Officer fast-track assessed exercise will begin, you have the next five hours to review the briefing, determine your plan of execution and select your loadout." With that he saluted, about turned and marched towards the command block. A stunned Ashely and Jayne saluted his retreating back before returning to their barracks.   
Only when they had safely closed the door to their room did they dare to look at one another. 

"What the actual?" Williams looked gobsmacked. 

Jayne sat on her bed, head in her hands, heart racing and a million and one thoughts streaming through her mind. She took a deep breath and stood up, pulling off her gloves and quickly starting to take off her dress blues. That moment, that ten seconds that single breath, that's all she would allow herself, that was the only brief acknowledgement of her emotional reaction. 

Ashley stood staring as Shepard stripped off, pulling out her fatigues from her locker and starting to redress. Jayne looked over her shoulder at her friend, took in the startled 'rabbit-in-the-headlights' look and met Ashley's eye, "Cadet Williams" the authority Jayne spoke with appeared to jerk Ashley out of her trance, "it's time to step up."   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
The leathers Shiala had tossed to Liara were a little too big, but even so the maiden allowed herself a smile of approval as she posed in front of her bedroom mirror, imagining what it would be like to have her own custom made armour. She had no intention of spending her maiden years as a commando but what was the harm in a little fantasy? Liara ran her hands over her curves, feeling the smooth leather grain against her palms, she bit her lip, a flutter in her chest as her mind flashed with the thought of Jayne doing this to her, wondering if the Cadet would appreciate the outfit. She shook her head, tutting under her breath, they hadn't even managed to kiss. 

Liara was pretending to be Shiala's understudy so she could enter the control room, they were in Benezia's office, a large square room in the centre of the house, three doors provided access to the encircling corridor and a fireplace stood behind the large oak desk. 

The maiden looked at the maps Shiala was currently pouring over, the acolyte kept her eyes on the contours, whilst explained, "okay so there will be two of them, the pretence is simple, Alpha gets dropped off by boat, here" Shiala pointed to the beach located to the East of the estate. 

"They'll then work their way through the woodland, their objective is to infiltrate the bunker we're building on the lawn at the back of the house. Omega has to cross the strait under their own steam, we're expecting a kayak, their brief is to provide over-watch. We expect Omega to set up a position on the North ridge, the cave in particular offers the best option." 

"This all sounds quite simple" Liara stated, even she could see the clear lines of infiltration and areas to avoid. Shiala smiled, "it's a trap, Alpha will be captured, this is really an assessment for Omega, apparently they show real promise, the Alliance want to see exactly what they're made of." 

"What will happen?" 

"The odds are heavily stacked against them, Liara, what the Adjudicator has planned I wouldn't even know if a top commando could pull this off, they'll be twenty of my best out there as well as the Alliance, Omega has to infiltrate the house, the exercise ends when they are captured, fatally targeted or breach the room." 

Liara was struggling to take it all in, this seemed like an impossible task, "how would you do it?" 

Shiala thought for a moment, she sighed, "I guess, once I'd scoped out the patrol patterns the best option would actually be the front door, or scaling the East side of the house and working my way down but honestly there are so many unknowns, once you're in the house you're running blind regarding enemies." 

"Where do they have to get to?" 

"Here."   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Jayne sat alone in the empty room, the table in front of her the only furniture apart from her chair. She knew what to expect, someone would be along shortly and present her with maps and plans and the outline of the assignment, she knew all the information would be provided for a reason and also that it would only tell her half the story. 

One of the other Cadets stepped into the room and lay out the maps and charts in front of her, methodically Shepard began her planning. 

The trap was obvious, she didn't think for one second the Alliance would assess her on her ability to pick off a few targets, Jayne returned to the floorplans of the house, she pushed the thought of Liara from her mind, she knew the Alliance used the T'Soni estate for these exercises, it just hadn't crossed her mind that she'd be infiltrating her friend's home. 

Her loadout options were simple, she went for a silenced sniper rifle, silenced pistol and a single flashbang. She knew this information would be at the disposal of the Adjudicator and they'd already be narrowing down her options for sniper positions. Despite the pen and paper, she didn't make a single note, already on the back foot, why would she give the enemy any help?   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Ashley joined Captain Vakarian and Admiral Hackett in the observation room. 

“Nicely done Cadet” Hackett said, so far everything was going exactly to plan, Shepard had instantly stepped up ready for action, ready to lead when she’d seen Ashley’s hesitance, he added, “you’ll get your chance soon enough Williams.” 

“Permission to speak freely, sir?” 

“Granted.” 

“What’s this about?” 

Vakarian and Hackett shared a look, the Captain cleared his throat. “Jayne shows great promise Cadet; her parents were incredible soldiers and tacticians, she could have passed Basic at eleven she shows incredible potential as a leader and strategist, but, we’re losing her, she hasn’t chosen this life. The point of this exercise is to show her how good she is.” 

“I thought the task was designed to be impossible.” Ashley ventured, the briefing she’d received and the review of the topography, plans of the house and roster of guards certainly made it appear unsurmountable. 

“Have you ever known Jayne Shepard to fail Williams?” Vakarian asked. 

Ashley shook her head, not in all their time together had she ever seen Jayne fail, hell yes had she struggled and fought and battled until she found a solution, sometimes it took moments other times, months but eventually, she’d find a way.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
The lightweight stealth armour fitted like a glove, Jayne had opted for an extra thermal baselayer too, she knew she’d be spending time sat out in the cold. The dry suit and buoyancy aid made her movements bulky, the dry bag over her shoulder had her loadout ready to be unpacked once she’d made the crossing. 

She was ready. 

A Lieutenant triple checked her tracker, radio and body cam, with a nod he signalled all as ready, they were good to go live. 

Jayne sat opposite Ashley in the holding room, Vakarian would see them off whilst Hackett was already making the short hop to the T’Soni estate. 

“You ready?” Ashley asked. 

Jayne nodded, “I’ve got your back Ash.” 

“Just give me a good story to tell my folks okay?” 

Shepard grinned, “enjoy your boat ride Williams, comm check when you hit the LZ.” 

The Cadet’s bumped fists, Captain Vakarian opened the door and Shepard stepped out, “knock ‘em dead kid” he muttered as she strode into the night.


	7. SixSigma

_Comm check, SixSigma to Omega, over._

The slight distortion as the radio transmission filled the room, Liara stood in the corner, observing the process, the arrival of the Alliance Admiral had suddenly changed the atmosphere, movements became clipped, voices kept low. The wall of screens flickered into life with live camera feeds, GPS tracker maps, telemetry data and stats from Alpha & Omega. The Adjudicator turned out to be a haggard looking Sargent, the lines in his skin looked like an A-Z of a great city, weather beaten and gruff. When he spoke, his voice was surprisingly calm and gentle, Liara saw the spark in his eyes, a predator lining up his prey. 

_Omega receiving, over._   
_Affirmative Omega, we have you, operation is go, repeat, operation is go._

Shepard shifted, her whole body suddenly felt aligned, her mind was sharp, acutely aware of everything around her as though the volume had been increased and the contrast ramped up. 

The temperature had plummeted, her breath rose in thick clouds in front of her, the clear night arriving as promised, the full moon giving anything but darkness. Sticking to the shadows Shepard made her way to the launch pontoon, in search of her kayak, black as ink it’s long sleek body lay waiting for her arrival. Jayne scanned the opposite shore, the strait was less than 200m across, a strong current ripping through, the navigation buoys listing to one side on their moorings. 

As if they knew she were watching the far shore was suddenly illuminated, great scaffold mounted searchlights shone accusingly at the water, Jayne smiled, good job she wasn’t planning on going with her Plan A. 

The Adjudicator turned away from the maps on the table and watched the footage from the body cam, this was the first test, this was where he’d get his first taste of what he was up against. As he watched the waterline creep over the lens of the camera he slipped a piece of gum between his lips and started to chew, he smirked, Omega had just accepted his challenge.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
The tightness in her chest made it hard to breath and Liara was only watching, she kept an eye on the vitals seeing the heartrate spike, the sound from the bodycam was muffled by the slap of the water, the gasping breath of the soldier drifting through the strait. The startling thing was they weren’t swimming, they were drifting, using the current to sweep them across the channel diagonally, Liara watched the GPS trace and could see the trajectory the bobbing human would take. 

Shepard’s knees hit the pebbles first, she heaved herself up the beach, having drifted beyond the LZ she knew they’d have expected her to take. In the shadow of a rock outcrop she took stock, she was alone. 

Jayne fought to steady her breathing, her body was almost numb with cold and she was shivering violently, she had to get moving. 

The Adjudicator studied the map of the estate, trying to predict the route the Cadet would take to get up to the North ridge, from where Omega had landed it was a heck of a trek, he radioed for a team to move in to a likely intercept point, he didn’t want to catch his target, just stalk. 

Shepard moved swiftly through the tree’s taking the steepest route she could away from the shore to get her blood pumping, checking her baring she shifted her path South where the woodland dipped. The trees were still, not a whisper, as though they were holding their breath, it didn’t take Shepard long to find what she was looking for.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
“What is she doing?” Hackett muttered gruffly, watching the GPS track drift further from the high ground. The video stream showed nothing but the dark mass of the forest. 

The thud of the impact reverberated around the room, Shiala looked up to see the tumbling view of the bodycam falling to the ground. 

_SixSigma to Omega, leave it, we have telemetry._

Shepard smiled to herself, kicking a pile of pine needles over the camera. She checked her watch, knowing she didn’t have long until Ash landed at the LZ. She stripped off her buoyancy aid, removing the fold out knife, next came her dry suit, the rubber seals sucked at her skin. 

Opening the dry bag, she holstered her pistol and stowed the flashbang. Pulling on her gloves she said a silent prayer of thanks for whoever decided snipers should be allowed fleece lined comfort. 

The rifle ready on her back she started to climb. About twenty meters up a thick branch extended out before curving upwards into a perfect ‘V’. Inching along the branch on her stomach Shepard wedged her rifle in the notch and waited. 

As soon as she used the scope her view would be broadcast to the Adjudicator, whilst she knew they’d have her on GPS, until they saw her vantage point they’d simply think she’d made a mistake. 

_Alpha to Omega, comm check, over._

Jayne opened her mic, tapping it twice to indicate she was there. 

Hackett had started to pace, Shiala was trying to visualise the grounds, she’d walked through those woods hundreds of times, the trees there were older, their trunks thicker, taller. Her eyes widened, Omega was setting up in a tree, it was perfect, close enough to put the whole field of engagement in range and avoid the enemy who would be focused on the ridge. 

A thought struck Shiala, she looked at the table before her and the information presented, there were satellite images but none that you’d be able to discern the height of the trees from. Omega’s beach point had made navigation to their current location easy, it couldn’t just be coincidence. But only someone who knew the estate could devise such a plan. 

“Holy shit” Hackett exclaimed. The scope cam had just come online, everyone turned to the green night vision image. A perfect line of sight on the approach to the bunker. The whole room held its breath. 

Shepard panned the scope towards the coast, she picked out Ashley easily in the tree line. 

_Omega to Alpha, eyes on, hold your position._

Ashley immediately ducked down, scanning the ridge line, knowing she’d never be able to pick out Shepard. 

Jayne set her sights, there were four Alliance sentries and a sniper whose laser marker appeared vividly every time they exhaled. The sniper was the first to go.   
A control panel chimed and a red flashing line appeared on one of the lists. 

It took Jayne only 3.7 seconds to reload, take aim and despatch the next target, the four fell before anyone had a chance to exhale. 

_You are clear for approach Alpha._   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Despite Ashley knowing what was coming it was still a shock. The bunker not ten meters away from her lit up like a light firework, plumes of smoke and flame ripped through the air, her captures came from behind, hooding her and dragging her inside. 

The appearance of Ashley in the control room confirmed Shiala’s suspicion, the Cadet couldn’t be more than sixteen or seventeen. The acolyte beckoned Liara to come to the table, she placed a discrete hand on the maiden’s wrist. 

“It's Jayne” she spoke through the meld. 

“I know.” 

_SixSigma to Omega, you are to infiltrate and evac Alpha._

_Understood._

The Adjudicator watched the flashing beacon of Shepard’s GPS tracker, he nodded to Shiala. 

_Leo and Taurus, move in on Omega’s position, hold when visual confirmed._

Ashley watched as four new vid feeds came online, making their careful approach to Jayne’s location. The flashing red dot on the map burnt into her eyes, why wasn’t Shepard moving? 

_Leo to control, we have eyes on target._

Liara shook her head, she couldn’t believe her eyes, Shepard lay outstretched on a tree branch, sniper rifle aimed at the house, totally still. 

_SixSigma to Omega, we have eyes on._

Nothing. 

Hackett threw his arms up in disgust, “what the hell!” 

The Adjudicator stopped chewing his gum, a smile crossing his lips, “I like this one Hackett.” 

The Admiral just stared at him, “she’s frozen on exercise, it’s over. 

“Have your troops pull her out.” 

_Control to Taurus, bring Omega down._

They all watched as the soft blue glow of biotics enveloped Jayne, bringing the mass of limbs and rifle to the ground. The four vid feeds each looked down on Shepard’s body, Liara couldn’t supress her yelp as Jayne exploded in a blinding flash and an ear popping bang. 

“How long since the last shot was fired?” The Adjudicator spoke quickly to the two technicians who were co-ordinating the data streams and video links. 

“Eight minutes fifteen seconds.” 

A rough palm slammed on the table, another piece of gum found its way between teeth, “dammit, she could be anywhere!” 

Shiala watched the Sargent sweep aside unnecessary papers leaving just the map of the grounds and the floor plan of the house. 

"What did she do?" Hackett growled. 

The Sargent laughed, "stuffed her dry suit and used it as a decoy, rigged it with a flashbang, those Commandos are going to be little use now." 

_SixSigma to all units, Omega has gone dark, repeat Omega has gone dark, protocol Zeta to be deployed._

The vid feeds suddenly when bright as the outside of the house was illuminated by high powered floodlights. The Alliance soldiers scurrying like ants to take up tactical positions, searching the grounds for any sign of Shepard. 

Inside the house Shiala’s commandos threw up barriers and drew their pistols, primed and ready to engage. 

None of this concerned Jayne, she was too busy hoping her gamble would pay off, hoping the grim, slippery storm drain she was currently wedged in would give her access to the house, the basement of the plans had ‘spr’ marked on them, a faint dotted line hinted at a potential access route from the direction of the lake.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
The Adjudicator was still chewing his gum, the room jumped when the door opened and Captain Vakarian stepped in. 

“Where are we at?” He asked. 

“She’s gone dark” the Sargent stated. 

“Of course she has” Vakarian added, not bothering to hide the sarcasm, this had been a bad idea, he’d tried to warn Hackett he was playing with fire but the Admiral wouldn’t listen. 

“Now you’re both here” the Adjudicator looked up, “does one of you want to fill me in on exactly who I’m dealing with?” 

Vakarian sighed, “Hannah Shepard’s daughter.” 

The Sargent’s nostrils flared, “why am I only finding this out now?” 

Shiala looked at them all questioningly, Hackett broke the silence, “Hannah Shepard was probably the best strategist the Alliance has ever seen, she’s the reason we’re all here, she devised the plan which saw Anderson infiltrate the Citadel and fire the Crucible.” 

“She’s the only person ever to beat me” the Adjudicator added, “if you put her in a room with one door she’d find an alternative route out.” 

“Jaynes’ cut from the same cloth” Hackett continued. 

Liara stepped away from the table, returning to the shadows of one corner, her heart had suddenly started racing, the manner in which these men talked about Jayne, it made her skin crawl, she was an asset to be exploited. Her leathers suddenly felt restrictively tight, as if they were strangling her, the disgust that crept up her spin, how easy had it been for her view of the military to become romanticised, sexualised? Jayne was seventeen years old and these men were in love with her ability to kill.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
The cover was heavier than she'd anticipated, cold biceps quivering with the effort of carefully lifting and breaking the seal, dim light poured through the crack, Jayne held her breath listening for movement, nothing. She eased herself out of the hole and took in her surroundings. She'd found the T'Soni armoury, lockers stood against the walls, casual clothes hung neatly on hangers, the scent of lavender and wax hung in the air. 

The wet soles of her boots squeaked on the polished tiled floor, that wouldn't do, Jayne unlaced them, pulling them off and stashing them under a bench, she slipped on Shiala's slippers, sure the commando wouldn't mind. 

Now she was in, she needed a plan, she knew the holding room had to be above the basement, but the house was huge, she was going to need to gather her intel carefully. She silently moved through the basement, about to take the stairs to the upper floor, an opportunity caught her eye.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
The control room was already tense, Ashley was watching the vid feeds trying to spot any sign of her friend, the Adjudicator and Shiala's conversation background noise as they threw questions backwards and forwards trying to figure a way in. Ashley tried to place herself in Jayne's shoes, what thought process would she go through, Williams knew Jayne had an advantage having been to the estate before but she wasn't going to give that away, Shepard deserved some privacy. If she knew her friend at all Jayne would be looking for the chance to cause as much chaos in the shortest space of time. 

She almost laughed when they were plunged into darkness. 

"God dammit! Get men to where the mains cable enters the house and have a tech team fire up the generator" the Sargent losing his cool for the first time. 

"She's inside" Shiala stated. Vakarian found a torch, holding it high over the table, Shiala pointed to a small room in the basement, "the main incomer is here" her finger traced through the basement, "oh you didn't" her voice hushed, she tapped the centre of the armoury. "The house used to use an underground spring as a water source, now it just runs out to a storm drain." Shiala moved the floorplan away, to show the map of the estate, "it drains into the lake." 

The generator kicked in, bringing the data feeds back on line, the 'asset list' beeped four times, flashing red lines appeared, Shiala gasped, "she's taken out half the unit."   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Jayne kept her hand over the Asari's mouth, ignoring the blood that was running over her fingers from the commando's nose, her pistol was still drawn as the pair moved silently through the house. Shepard recognised where they were, knew Benezia's office would make the perfect holding cell, windowless and central. 

"Yield?" Jayne hissed in the darkness, the Asari nodded. 

"You'll wait for the count of five and enter the room looking for a medkit, understood?" 

Another nod. 

Jayne holstered her pistol disappearing silently around the corner. 

Even the Adjudicator jumped when the door opened behind Shiala, they all took in the maiden, purple blood smeared over her face, the torch light dancing over her features. 

Liara smiled, she wondered how long she could stand here in the dark, fingers entwined with Jayne's. The whisper of the pressure change had been covered by the commotion on the other side of the room, the silent shadow that slipped through the tiniest of gaps, fluid and calm, coming to rest next to her. 

"What's our next move?" Hackett grumbled. 

"You don't have one." Ashley stated, she'd looked in the opposite direction to the ruckus, she'd seen Shepard silently enter, she saw her friend reach for the silent Asari's hand. 

Shepard stepped into the pool of light from Captain Vakarian's torch, arms folded. 

"Game over."


	8. Human

The lights came on, someone finally have the sense to flick the mains switch, Jayne placed her pistol on the table, pulling out her comm wires and headset. She looked around the room, meeting the gaze of Vakarian, the Adjudicator and Hackett in turn, her body language hard as stone, when she spoke her words were barbed and cutting.

"Are we done here?"

Hackett swallowed, nobody spoke.

Shepard picked up her drop-bag that was sat at the side of the room, it contained her change of clothes and recovery kit. "Can someone show me the way to a shower?"

Liara stepped forward, leaving the room, Shepard followed in silence. The Asari could feel Jayne fuming behind her, she could feel the tension and hurt. On the second floor, she opened the door to one of the guest bathrooms, "wait here, I'll get you a towel."

Jayne sat on the closed lid of the toilet, finally letting herself fall, the cold shook her body, her limbs ached and her mind sagged. She hated what they'd made her. 

She turned the water on, letting it warm through, the noise and steam filling the room comforting. Jayne started to peel off her armour, putting it straight into a dry bag to deal with later. Liara returned with a fresh towel, it looked like the fluffiest item Jayne had ever seen, the maiden hung it carefully over the rail.

Liara turned to Jayne, stepping into her, their embrace wasn't awkward of stumbling, the Asari felt Jayne's need to be held. "I understand" she whispered, "I know now what they've taken from you, why you want to escape." Jayne closed her eyes and buried her face into Liara's neck, savouring the softness, the innocence. 

"I hate what I turn into, as soon as SixSigma hums in my ear, I change, they've conditioned me into a weapon" Jayne's voice hushed with sadness.

Liara's hand reached into the short scruff of Jayne's hair, "you're so much more than that."

The tenderness with which Liara's lips touched Shepard's melted her more than a hot shower ever would. A moment full of care and respect, of wanting, of assurance, of vulnerability, it made her feel human.

Despite everything, when Liara pulled away she found Jayne matching her own smile, "you should shower" she said, achingly removing herself from Shepard's embrace, leaving the Cadet alone with the steam.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Your parents would be proud." Hackett's aftershave was again far stronger than necessary as he attached Shepard's newly minted epaulettes to her fatigues, denoting her as a Corporal, the minimum rank for an Alliance Officer. Her new dress whites already hung in her locker, Shepard stayed stoic and emotionless.

Her curt "thank you Sir" delivered with regimented ease.

And then he was gone, the haze of trepidation lifting off the camp along with his shuttle, Shepard's jaw rigid as she watched it disappear into the clouds.

"You need to embrace this" Vakarian stood next to her, the pair now alone at the landing pad, his voice low.

"Yes Sir."

"Don’t 'yes sir' me Jayne"

"Then why did you let it happen!" Jayne turned to Garrus, hot angry tears streaming down her face. "Why Garrus? You know this isn't what I want, you know how trapped I feel” she planted both hands on his chest, pushing him away, “you know how hard I've worked to find a way out without pissing anyone off!"

"He went over my head Jayne! I've been trying to cover you as much as I can but Hackett won't let you go."

"I know what last night was about, impossible odds, making me realise how great I am at this, how much of a kick I get out of being a silent killer, how I can't turn away from a challenge. Well in no way has it made me want to run into the arms of the Alliance." Jayne was breathing hard, she reminded herself to cool it, she didn't want to give them any more ammunition, she could already feel the dark energy shimmering inside her.

"You think I don't know that Jayne” Garrus took a step closer, his hands on Jayne’s shoulders, “you think I don't already hate myself for assigning you to a childhood of training, do you think I don't wish every day your Father were here, that you'd had the chance to be a little girl?"

Jayne turned away from him, pulling out of his reach, walking as quickly as she could back to her barracks.

Vakarian threw his hands in the air, "Jayne! I didn't mean! Dammit, Jayne!"  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Just get through the week.

It became Jayne's mantra. The rain fell in biting sheets, the wind howled, everyone on the base hurried from building to building and school was no better, students hunched against the weather, collars pulled tight around necks. 

It was the last week of term, come Friday school would finish, get through the memorial services on Saturday and then the base would be deserted, Jayne would be able to breath, relax into the emptiness, rest a while.

The only bright spot on her horizon was spending time with Liara, they hadn't spoken of the weekend's events, it was too soon, Liara noted Jayne's arrival on Monday morning wearing new fatigues, her designation as an officer meaning she now wore her uniform off base, another liberty stripped.

Jayne lent nervously against the lockers watching Liara pack her things, the Asari carefully closed it mirroring Shepard's position, it was the last day, Jayne had made it to Friday. 

"I was wondering if maybe..." Jayne trailed off, Liara smiled.

"You're free?" Liara raised an eyebrow.

"Until eight."

Shiala simply smiled as Jayne clambered into the skycar alongside Liara. "Nice to see you Jayne."

Shepard nodded, "am I forgiven?" She asked nervously.

"For destroying my credibility as a strategist, taking my slippers or getting blood on Councillor Benezia's carpet?" Shiala teased.

"All of the above?"

"I'm sure we can come to an arrangement, I know this is the last thing you want to hear, and please take it as intended, it was very impressive."

"Thank you" Jayne smiled, whilst she had conflicting feelings about the Alliance and her future, she appreciated someone with Shiala's experience and expertise praising her ability.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"This might become my new favourite past time." Jayne uttered as Liara pulled away, the Asari grinned, fingers tangled in Jayne's hair, half lay on top of Shepard.

"I'm certainly enjoying getting to know this side of you" the husky reply. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Liara looked at Jayne, furrowing her brow, the human was deadly serious, “why wouldn’t I be?”

Shepard shifted a little, “erm, Aria, she made a bit of a scene at school, about how ‘the Matriarchs’ wouldn’t approve of this, of us.”

Liara placed her hand on Jayne’s cheek gently guiding her head back up so their eyes met, “House T’Soni is riddled with controversy, you’ve met my Father right?” Jayne nodded, “and you know my Mother is a Citadel Councillor?” Again, Jayne concurred, “the world and his Varren has an opinion on the decisions and choices she makes, there’s an article every other day about how House T’Soni is bringing the Asari Republic into disrepute. Honestly Jayne, I’m looking forward to finding out how they manage to link who I’m dating with some great galactic turmoil.”

Jayne grinned as Liara kissed her, “so, we’re dating?” She enquired hopefully.

“I certainly hope so” Liara whispered, falling back into Shepard’s mouth.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The skycar journey back to base mainly consisted of Shepard trying not to grin like a fool, she would be forever grateful that Shiala was well versed in maintaining a dignified look at all times and taking all T’Soni secrets to her grave.

Jayne knocked on the door to her room before entering, she’d walked in on James and Ashley in a compromising position once already and didn’t want to repeat the experience. Sure enough Vega was stood up, tucking in his shirt when she eventually entered. 

“Hey Shep” Ashley said, a little louder than necessary, her face flushed.

“Cadets” Jayne acknowledged, raising an eyebrow at Williams behind Vega’s back.

Jayne sat on her bed unlacing her boots, kicking them off and relishing the freedom as she wiggled her toes lying back and giving James a wave as he took his leave.

“You missed dinner.”

“I did.”

“Am I allowed to know what has kept the great Corporal Shepard from chocolate sponge Friday?” Ashley rolled onto her side, grinning at Jayne.

“Ah, that might be classified business Cadet, strictly need to know” Jayne teased.

“Infiltrating the T’Soni estate again?”

Shepard grinned, she couldn’t even be bothered hiding it, “maybe.”

Ashley threw her pillow at Jayne’s head, “come on Jay, I want all the sordid details, have you two finally managed to get it together.”

“You should know me by now, I don’t kiss and tell.”

“So there was kissing!” Williams exclaimed triumphantly.

Shepard tossed the pillow back at Ashley, “there was a lot of kissing.”

“Anyway” Jayne continued, “how is Mr Vega?”

It was Ashley’s turn to blush, “he’s very well, there was also lots of kissing.”

Shepard raised her eyebrow, “and the rest Ash, or did your pants just magically undo themselves?” Ashley looked down mortified, face burning.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Here, let me help” Ashley was done watching Shepard struggle with her collar, “you look good in white.”

“I wish they could have waited until I actually pass out to make me dress in this, I feel like such a fraud” Jayne muttered, it also meant she wouldn’t be standing with the rest of her platoon, one white in the sea of blue.

“Ah come on Jay, take small comforts where you can, you get a sabre and everything.” It was true, the heavy gilt handle hung on Shepard’s hip, the long blade flashing in stark contrast to the black trousers.

“Girls love swords right?”

“Is she coming?”

“No idea, maybe, before she has to travel to the Citadel for the anniversary service there, Councillor Benezia is leading it.”

“Are you staying for the service?” Ashley asked tentatively, stepping back from Jayne and giving her the once over.

Shepard shook her head, “you know the answer Ash, I’ll march to the stadium and then take my leave.”

At 0830 the rank and file of the Alliance Training Camp marched as one down the hill, over the bridge and into town, the rhythmical pulse of the bands drums calling the residence from their homes, tugging at reluctant souls to come and join the march. Jayne focused only on her form, eyes on the middle distance, letting the ebb and flow for the march calm her mind. The ten-year anniversary of the firing of the Crucible and the end of the Reaper war.

She’d just turned three when Anderson had brought the news of the Geth invasion, the turned Spectre and visions of the Prothean destruction to the Council. From that moment on she’d been involved in the tangled web, her Mother serving on the Normandy, Anderson’s second in command whilst her Father tried to give her a normal life, or at least one that kept her in the same place, his desk job in Vancouver meant things were stable. As far as Jayne was concerned the grounding of the Normandy for two years was worth it, they were a proper family unit, had a house and a garden, a home full of laughter. The move to the UK was a little strange, but as far as Shepard was concerned London became her city.

Then the Reapers came and Anderson called her Mother back to his side. Six years old and hanging onto her Father’s fingers, her Mother sweeping her up in her arms, Jayne remembered the feeling of Hannah’s armour, cold and solid, hiding her Mother from her.

Jayne had watched her Mother stride out into the chaos, not an ounce of fear in her eyes, telling her she’d be back soon, that she loved her. The final heart wrenching kiss her Father placed on the woman he loved, watching the cracks form as two soulmates ripped themselves from one another.

His stubble was rough against Jayne’s cheek, the constant motion of his running making it hard for her to keep a grip on his shoulders, she could feel his chest reverberating as his heart beat faster and faster running through the city. She watched as dozens of pairs of unblinking glowing eyes gave chase, hurled themselves through the broken streets. 

Her Father’s sweat smelling of fear and panic, his pistol in hand, the shots making her flinch.

Racing to reach the shuttle, stumbling footsteps on stairs, her Father throwing her up a flight, his pistol and that one lonely bullet accidentally flying up with her. His voice forever ringing in her ears.

“Jayne?”

Shepard shook her head, realised they’d made it to the stadium at the school, everyone filing into the stands for the service.

“Jayne” she looked up to see headmistress Tevos approaching her, Jayne tried to compose herself, Liara stood a little further back with her Mother & Father, all looking stunning in Asari formal wear, Liara with a long-chained necklace baring the T’Soni house crest.

“Jayne, I wondered if you’d represent the school during the raising of the flag.” Tevo’s words were gentle but they struck Shepard like a whip, she tried to remain calm.

“Headmistress Tevos, thank you, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable. . .” She stated, as politely as she could.

Tevos waved her words away, putting her arm around Shepard’s shoulders and steering her towards Benezia, “now, please bear in mind this would be a great honour for you and the school, to have one of our top students and serving Alliance Officer take part in the memorial.”

They’d come to a halt in front of the T’Soni’s, all three of them were looking questioningly between Tevos and Jayne. Jayne stood to attention and saluted the Councillor, who nodded, not taking her eyes off Shepard.

“With all due respect Headmistress” Shepard turned back to Tevos, “I have no desire to be part of the memorial service” Jayne trying desperately to keep her cool.

Tevos persisted, “but Jayne, Councillor Benezia. . .”

Jayne finally snapped, her voice like ice, “I said ‘no’” she turned on her heels and strode quickly away from the crowds towards the cluster of school buildings.

Tevos huffed, the T’Soni’s exchanged a look, “I’ll go, you two do your thing, you know I don’t do ceremony anyway.” Aethyta hitched up her long gown and trotted after Jayne.

Shepard managed to duck behind the science block, taking off her hat and throwing her body over a low wall as she heaved, vomiting violently. The vision of husks, the sound of their ethereal scream and the spray of her Father’s mind across the stairwell wall causing her to retch over and over again.

She closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face, breathing laboured, trying to spit out the last of the bile. 

“Here” Aethyta rummaged in her purse and handed Jayne a tissue, a gentle hand on Shepard’s back, slow circles calming the young woman down as she wiped her mouth.

Jayne stepped back, resting her forearms on the wall, still bent double, abs still quivering, “sorry” she whispered.

Aethyta continued to rub Shepard’s back, “I don’t know what you’re apologising for kid, Tevos has her head up her arse.”

Shepard gingerly straightened up, sweat plastered her hair to her head, she ran a hand through it hoping to feel a little better, she smiled weakly.

“You okay?”

Jayne laughed, “not in the slightest.” 

The pair sat down at one of the picnic benches that littered the school grounds. “So do you want to tell me what’s causing you to turn yourself inside out?”

Jayne tucked her fingertips over the edge of one of the slats of the table top, “do you really want to know?”

Aethyta fixed her with a hard look, “if you’re going to become a bit of a fixture in my daughter’s life you need to know I don’t do touchy feely, if I’m asking you something it isn’t out of politeness okay?”

Shepard nodded, feeling a little embarrassed, she took a deep breath, “I killed my Father” Aethyta opened her mouth to speak but Jayne held up her hand, “please” she pleaded, if she was going to do this she had to just get it all out, “we were trying to get to the evac shuttle, Reaper husks overwhelmed the front line and flooded the streets beyond. My Dad was carrying me, we made it to the building but the husks kept coming, clawing at us up the stairs. He threw me up a flight, his pistol came with me, one bullet left. They were on him, pulling at him, dragging him. . .” Jayne shook her head, gripping the table a little harder to keep herself grounded, “I didn’t want him to die like that, to be ripped apart, he begged me to do it, so I picked up his pistol and shot him, with pinpoint accuracy. Before I could even process it, I was picked up, Captain Vakarian had come down from the roof, hauled me into the shuttle, it was over before I knew what I’d done.”

Aethyta covered Shepard’s hand in her own, Jayne smiled, grateful for the physical contact.

“It still haunts you.”

Jayne held Aethyta’s gaze, “every single day, sometimes it’s just a whisper, other times, when I’m having nightmares, it’s inescapable.”

“What helps?”

Shepard rubbed her face with her hands, “it’s perverse, but on exercise, it’s one of the only times my mind is silent, but then I feel stripped of my humility, a tool, a weapon to be wielded.” Shepard thought for a moment, “school helps, a chance to be focused on something positive. . .” Jayne hadn’t planned to add to the list, but the small voice that spoke otherwise untold truths slipped out, “and Liara, she makes me feel human.”


	9. A Little Gnarly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you but the last few Chapters have been pretty heavy so take a moment to relax with some awkward conversations and questionable flirting.
> 
> Sending you all a huge 'thank you' for the kudos and comments, I love hearing from you, and your feedback really helps to keep me motivated and on track, I don't want to slack, as I'd hate to let you all down <3

Aethyta and Jayne waited outside the stadium, watching as people flooded out meandering their way home. The winter sun dipping behind clouds, their laboured journey and pink tinge indicating they were the vanguards of the first snowfall of winter. Shiala appeared, leading the way of the T’Soni honour guard, Benezia and Liara encircled.

“I heard you could use these” Shiala muttered, pressing a bottle of water and some gum into Shepard’s hands.

Jayne quickly took a swig, grateful for the refreshment, a quick chew on the gum before depositing both in a nearby bin, under the watchful gaze of the town, dignitaries and three hundred of her comrades she couldn’t afford to be spotted chewing gum.

Benezia slipped her arm through Aethyta’s, striding in the direction of the docking pad where their transport waited ready to take them to the Citadel. 

“How is she?” Benezia asked, keeping her voice low.

“A mess” Aethyta stated, before adding, “and in love with our daughter.”

Benezia shared a smile with her bondmate, “do you have any objections?”

Aethyta laughed, “intelligent, cute, polite and makes our honour guard look like amateurs, no I have no reservations Nezzie, we all have our shit.”

“What does she need?”

“A break.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
They had an audience, the press trying to get a photo of the Councillor, looking for a comment or sound bite for the evening deadline. Liara hung back at Jayne’s side, concern in her eyes, Jayne kept her features passive, standing at parade rest.

“Corporal Shepard” Jayne snapped to attention, “would you mind escorting the Heiress?”

“Of course Commander” Jayne’s sharp response to Shiala’s request.

Shepard and Liara fell instep following the path of Liara’s parents, the honour guard fanning out around them.

“I like your sword” Liara mused, a smile fixed to her face for the benefit of the press.

Jayne kept her form, right arm behind her back, gloved hand in a fist, left arm swinging in time with her right leg, shoulders back, head up, having to look down awkwardly because of the peak of her cap, she tried not to smile. “I polished it just for you.”

“Give the Alliance credit, they do tailoring very well” Liara bit her tongue, seeing the flicker of amusement cross Jayne’s features.

“Commando leathers are far more practical” Jayne retorted, “with their stretch panels, custom moulded plating, great for flexibility and enhancing, assets.”

Liara felt the heat rise in her cheeks, “I wasn’t aware you took notice of such things, Corporal.”

“Tell me Heiress” Jayne hesitated not sure how far she wanted to push this, she was sure at least two of the honour guard were listening in on their every word, she said it anyway, “how was I supposed to not notice the sway of your hips as you climbed the stairs?”

“I had no idea you were so observant” Liara was fast losing her composure.

Shepard maintained her deadly serious demeanour, “you are aware Miss T’Soni that I specialise in reconnaissance? I’m very attentive to such matters”

Liara caught the eye of one of the maidens who was having a hard time maintaining her focus, a giggle threatening to slip from the commando’s lips.

“I think we should change the subject Corporal, for the benefit of the staff, you’ve already embarrassed them once this week.” The commando stood a little straighter.

“Oh” Shepard mocked disappointment, “I was looking forward to discussing my other specialism” she paused having to work hard against the grin that tried to crease her face.

“Would that be, infiltrating hard to reach places, by any chance?” Liara finished.

The two maidens either side of Liara and Jayne spluttered, both covering their laughter with a coughing fit, Shiala turned fixing her charges with a glare.

“Jayne!” Liara pretended to scold, “now you’ve gone and got them in trouble.”

Shepard allowed herself a hint of a smile before changing tact, “how long will you be away?”

Liara desperately wanted to reach for Jayne’s hand, their shoulders occasionally brushing, “a few days, the itinerary isn’t confirmed, Mother will no doubt be in demand, and the Council is holding session.” Liara pulled her coat a little tighter as the wind picked up bringing the first flutters of snow.

“Do you want anything from the Citadel?” Shepard only just caught herself before her confusion showed.

“Er, I wouldn’t even know what was available” she thought for a moment, “or what I could possibly want or need.”

The Asari stopped, forcing Jayne to also halt, they turned to face each other, thankfully they were now near enough the only ones around. “You’ve never been to the Citadel?”  
Shepard shrugged, “why would I?”

Liara was stunned, “because it’s the galactic seat of governance and commerce. As for what’s available, well everything, books, foodstuffs, clothing. . .” she trailed off.

Shepard sighed, “Liara, I’m a total blank slate when it comes to all that stuff, I have no reference for popular culture, I couldn’t tell you what’s fashionable, what the latest vid releases are, which novels I should be reading, hell I don’t own any clothes other than what I get issued, apart from the two occasions I’ve eaten with you, I haven’t tasted anything outside of what the Alliance give me.”

They continued to walk in silence, passing through the perimeter of the shuttle pad. The commandos suddenly broke off, jogging to form two straight lines flanking the teal carpet which lined the route to the airlock of the ‘shuttle’.

Jayne let out a low whistle, “that is a very nice corvette Heiress.”

Liara blushed, sometimes it was difficult to accept the life of privilege she led.

As they approached, the two lines of commandos suddenly stood to attention and saluted, Jayne nearly stumbled. “I didn’t think Asari did salutes.”

Liara just smiled, “you earnt their respect.” They stopped outside the airlock, Liara brushed the snow off Shepard’s epaulettes. “I’ll let you know when I’m back” Liara’s voice a shy whisper, “am I allowed a kiss?”

Shepard stepped towards Liara, removing her hat and using it to shield them from view as she cupped Liara’s cheek with her free hand, white glove in stark contrast to blue skin, a lingering kiss, Jayne lightly running her tongue across Liara’s bottom lip.

Liara sighed as Jayne pulled back replaced her hat, making sure the peak was just right, “enjoy your holiday Heiress.”,

Liara nodded, suddenly feeling a little weak at the knees, “Corporal.”

Shepard turned and walked purposefully away from the shuttle, the snow now falling properly, already a dusting covered the teal. “At ease” she muttered as she strode back through the channel of commandos, their synchronised movement as crisp as the air.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Liara was irritable, not just a little gnarly around the edges, full on huffy short-tempered irritable. Since waking up all she’d felt was tense and grumpy, she couldn’t understand it, she usually loved spending time on the Citadel, would happily sit for hours in one of the cafes in the wards doing her school work and watching the world go buy. But today she was just annoyed, it was too noisy, the chairs were uncomfortable, and she found herself frustratingly indecisive. To make matters worse the staff seemed to have picked up on her displeasure, the maidens whom she usually had an easy relationship with seemed to scuttle around her, almost holding their breath in case she might infect them with some terrible disease. Even Shiala was keeping her distance, every time the maiden sought her company the acolyte would take a step back. So, it was that Liara found herself spending most of her time alone in her room, awaiting the return of her parents from their day’s business.

Aethyta helped guide Benezia’s Council robe up her arms, “you need to talk to her Aethy.”

“Really? This comes down to me, is there not a book or something we can give her?” Aethyta squirmed, awkward conversations weren’t really her thing.

“Liara is driving the maiden’s mad, Shiala is practically having to peel them apart, I’m in session for the next two days, please," the Councillor turned and kissed her bondmate softly, "talk to our daughter.” Aethyta heard the plea in Benezia’s voice, she sighed and nodded.

Aethyta found Liara pacing her room, “we need to talk.” The gravity of her Fathers words caused Liara to stop her striding, but she felt herself bristle at being disturbed, she pinched the bridge of her noise, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to focus. She knew full well nobody deserved to feel the brunt of her unhappiness.

“I’m sorry Father, I feel a little, distracted and well, irritable.”

“I know.” Aethyta said flatly. Liara looked at her Father, they’d hardly seen each other since arriving, how could she know?

As if reading her daughters mind Aethyta continued, “you smell Liara.”

Liara choked back her annoyance, “Father I showered this morning” she said indignantly. 

Aethyta rolled her eyes, “have you noticed none of the maidens have been hanging around much lately?”

Liara could feel herself getting cross, what did this have to do with anything, she put her hands on her hips, “what exactly are you implying?”

Despite her best effort Aethyta couldn’t help but laugh, “okay look, jeez I can’t believe I’m having to have this conversation you’re nearly 68 and into biology and all that shit.”

Liara pursed her lips, her Father continued, “sweetheart, you’re walking round in a cloud of pheromones, literally we can’t breathe for the lust okay. Shiala is going crazy because every time the maiden’s come near you she finds them ripping each-others clothes off.”

Rooted to the spot, Liara felt her mouth open in horror, she was mortified and started to blush furiously, then, for no apparent reason she burst into tears.

Her Father moved in to give her a hug, “hey come on, it isn’t a big deal, we’ve all been there, young love, new and exciting.”

“I miss her terribly” Liara sobbed into her Father’s shoulder, “I’ve been trying not to think about it because I end up feeling so conflicted, missing her but then also feeling. . . things.” Liara’s blush deepened further, this was absolutely ridiculous.

“You know that’s okay right? You’re allowed to ‘feel things,’ it's not all soft fluffy innocent eskimo kisses. You're allowed to want her." 

The maiden looked awkwardly at her feet, "I just feel a bit embarrassed and overwhelmed and like I shouldn't be thinking about her like that."

"Goddess give me strength" it was Aethyta's turn to put her head in her hand in disbelief, "how did I end up with such a prude for a daughter, I blame your Mother."

"This isn't helping Father" Liara said sternly.

With just a hint of exasperation Aethyta looked her daughter in the eye, "sweetheart, you should absolutely be thinking about pinning her against a wall and making out until neither of you can breathe, that's the point." Aethyta tried not to let her mind wonder to her own memories of starting out with Benezia. "You're supposed to feel like that, you're supposed to indulge in those thoughts, and yeah okay, when you and Jayne actually decide that you trust each other enough to take that step then yes it'll be all beautiful and caring and the first time you meld you'll probably both cry, the two sides aren't mutually exclusive."

Liara looked up, smiled meekly, “sorry, I just, I haven’t been here before, I haven’t felt like this before.”

“I know” Aethyta said kindly, “just remember Jayne is right there with you okay, I trust you both to look after each other.”

Aethyta stepped away from her daughter, "I'm going to go now and leave you to think about 'things', let you work stuff out, you know, take matters in hand."

Liara huffed and cringed folding her arms, "yes okay Father I quite understand what you are insinuating." As Aethyta reached the door Liara added quietly, “thank you.”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Jayne loved the winter vacation, with only a handful of people on the base she could relax, filling her time completing those fiddly tasks she’d been putting off, like re-lacing her boots, repairing the lining of her armour and generally giving everything a good clean. The mindless chores helped her to find a stillness. Another advantage was the gym and shooting gallery being free. Shepard wasn’t numb to the irony of finding relief with the weight of a sniper rifle in her hands, carefully exhaling, fingers light on the trigger, her world tunnelling, time lengthening, feeling the surface of her eye re-moisten with each purposeful blink. The smell of the powder, the thrill of the kickback, knowing before the ‘thwack’ of impact had even sounded if she’d hit her mark.

Shepard had just finished reassembling her rifle when the civilian postmaster put his head around the door. “Corporal, you’ve got a visitor at the front gate.” Jayne nodded her thanks, her brow furrowing as he left, she locked her weapon in the armoury and headed out into the cold. Without a jacket, she jogged across the parade ground to keep warm, the snow on the ground had hardened following a few clear, cold nights.

Jayne groaned as she saw Liara stood with Joker in the booth by the barrier, the last person she wanted her girlfriend to be talking to.

“Oh, hi Jayne, we were just talking about you” Joker winked, Shepard tried to keep features neutral.

“I bet, have you managed to take Miss T’Soni’s details or have you just been chatting?” Jayne quipped.

Joker pointed to the visitors’ book, “just waiting for your autograph Corporal.” Jayne picked up the pen, signing the line and handing Liara a visitor’s pass, she nodded her head towards the door.

“It was lovely to meet you Jeff” Shepard looked over her should at the grinning guardsman, mouthing ‘Jeff’ and a huge question mark.

The pair walked back across the parade ground, Jayne directing them to the barracks.

“How was the Citadel?”

Liara shook herself free of her coat as they entered the building, “oh it was fine, I spent the time getting on top of all my school work and remember which dignitaries I needed to be polite to.”

Jayne didn’t ask the pertinent question as to why Liara had turned up unannounced at the base, she just nodded, opening the door to her and Ashley’s room, “this is it.”

Shepard watched as her girlfriend studied the space, the bare white concrete walls, two single beds, carefully made, two lockers identically laid out and two desks, one empty whilst the other had carefully catalogued piles of notes, coloured post-its and highlighted lines the only brightness in the space. 

Shepard took both Liara’s hands in hers, “not that I’m not pleased to see you, but this is, unexpected.”

Liara tilted her head shyly, twisting her fingers in Jayne’s gently pushing the Corporal against the wall, she freed her hands, letting them find Shepard’s collar, allowing her body to meet Jayne’s. Blue eye’s fell into green, “I had to see you” she whispered, tongue slipping easily between Shepard’s lips. Jayne’s hands finding their way to Liara’s hips, pulling her even closer, losing themselves in the heat and depth of their kiss.

Liara pulled away, “Goddess I’ve wanted to do that so badly,” her hands travelling down Shepard’s body pulling at her shirt finding smooth skin. Shepard’s bottom lip was between Liara’s teeth, she could feel the ache her girlfriend was pulling out of her, fingers now tracing the horizon of her trousers. 

A sharp knock at the door.

Jayne sat up, blinking in the gloom, not entirely comprehending what was going on, she managed to flick on her bedside light, more knocking. Shepard dragged herself upright trying to ignore her frustration. Opening the door, she came face to face with the postmaster, she blinked in surprise, checking this really was reality.

“Morning Shepard, this came for you” he barely looked up as he handed her a heavy envelope and was gone before she could gather herself.

Jayne slumped back into bed, pressing her palms into her eyes, trying to hold onto the images of her dream, their form already drifting out of reach, teasing her with their echo.   
Sighing she picked up her mail, the T’Soni seal on the envelope simply making her stomach clench as she thought of Liara’s lips on hers. She pulled out the folded letter, a formal invite requesting her presence at the T’Soni Estate, signed by the Councillor herself. Jayne had an inkling Benezia would have quite enjoyed writing such a pompous proposition, knowing the Alliance would fall over themselves to facilitate what would actually be a few days at her girlfriend’s house.

Jayne kicked herself out of bed again, pulling out her holdall and starting to pack, it wouldn’t do to keep the Councillor waiting.


	10. Without a Trace

“Mitch?” Jayne hit the bell on the counter again, smiling as the Base custodian came into view, he’d been part of the Alliance since he was old enough to enrol, had seen the development of Luna, the discovery of the relay and ruins on Mars and lived through first contact.  Now he was responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of the base, he was also the guardian of keys.

Shepard nudged, what she knew to be his favourite chocolate bar across the counter, he grinned, a twinkle in his eye, “what is it this time Shepard?”

“Can I borrow the RIB?” She asked hopefully.

“The RIB?” He confirmed.

Jayne nodded, “hmmm, that’s quite an ask Cadet.”

Shepard coughed, “Corporal” she corrected, whilst placing two more bars and adding, “it is Christmas, season of good cheer, goodwill to all men, that time we do nice things for people.”

Mitch sighed and used his omni-tool to open the key cabinet, sliding a keyring across the countertop, “Hmm, when was the last time you celebrated Christmas then, Corporal?”

“I don’t know what you mean” Jayne chirped, grabbing the keys, she threw her holdall over her shoulder and left before he could change his mind. 

With the T’Soni estate literally two hundred meters away Jayne was damned if she was going to cycle the five miles in the middle of December when she could nip across the strait in thirty seconds.  The RIB was a small matt black boat with a silent electric outboard motor, it started easily and Jayne took her position at the helm as she cast off.  The tide was on the turn meaning the strait was in slack water, steely grey but with only breeze blown ripples.  The water slapped softly on the bow as Shepard steered the vessel out of the eddy and into the main channel.  The breeze whipped her hair back as she crossed, skirting easily between the navigation buoys that marked the deepest track.  Only a moment later the jetty came into view, Jayne cut the engine and let the RIB glide in, standing up to hoop the painters over the moorings.  Clambering out she followed the obvious track up through the woodland towards the house, the surroundings looking magical with the settled snow, she noted the tell-tale imprints of rabbits and deer crisscrossing the track.

Shiala had walked down to meet her, Jayne smiled at the commando, “you’ve upgraded your security, I almost didn’t notice the trip laser on the jetty.”

The acolyte laughed, “yet you broke it anyway?”

“I thought it would be rude not to knock, how was the Citadel?”

The pair fell instep walking up the rise to the house, conversation easy and relaxed, entering the hallway Shiala turned to Jayne, “I’ll show you to your room, Benezia and Aethyta are out and will return later, I’ll let Liara know you’re here.”

Shiala guided Jayne to the top floor, where the ceilings vaulted and the space took on a totally different feel, cosy and secure, like a burrow or cave.  The acolyte took her leave as Shepard opened the door, her room was full of character, the skylight windows flooding the space with light, rough plastered walls in stark contrast to the oak beams and wooden floor.  A double bed which looked so decadent Jayne wondered how she’d ever sleep in it, two high backed chairs sat at one end of the room set around small table.  A doorway led to a private wet room, the textured tiles making the space feel as if it had been carved out of a rock face.

Jayne placed her bag on the small desk, and began to unpack her things, a soft knock at the door as Liara entered, Shepard hardly having a chance to turn before the Asari flung her arms around Jayne’s neck.  They both grinned, pulling one another close, “I missed you” Liara said, letting her fingers reconnect with the hair at the base of Jayne’s neck. 

Shepard felt her skin break out in a shiver at Liara’s touch, “I missed you too” she breathed, suddenly feeling all together light headed.  The gentle kiss was a welcome ‘hello’ as they fell into now familiar patterns, Liara’s nails against her scalp made Jayne break their kiss with a gasp.  Shepard instantly blushing, “I’m sorry” Liara whispered lips glancing Jayne’s cheek, “I didn’t mean to. . .” she trailed off.

Jayne took Liara’s hands in hers, “don’t apologies, you er, just drive me a little crazy Miss T’Soni” Shepard stated offering her girlfriend a coy smile.

Liara squeezed the hands in hers, “if only you know what you did to me.”

Jayne bit her lip, “part of me wants nothing more than for you to tell me, but I don’t think I can take it.”

Liara laughed nervously, “come on I have something for you.”

This seemed to jolt Jayne out of her lust induced trance, “oh right, yeah me too, as in, I have something for you too, I know Asari don’t ‘do’ Christmas and to be honest neither do I but I er, got you a gift.”  Shepard blushed at her faltering, stumbling words, kicking herself for letting Liara leave her tongue tied.

Shepard rustled through her bag, producing a small oblong object, carefully wrapped in T’Soni teal paper.

With intrigued piqued Liara lead Jayne downstairs to what was the T’Soni lounge, more books, squishy sofas, a view across the snow-covered grounds and a roaring log fire.  The pair sat next to one another a box sitting on the coffee table.

Liara suddenly felt very shy, hoping she’d judged this correctly, “after what you said about not really knowing anything outside of the Alliance, I thought I’d put together a little, cultural guide to the galaxy.”  The maiden pushed the box towards Shepard, before returning her hands nervously to her lap, she was desperately excited to share the contents and explain why she’d picked it.

Jayne carefully removed the lid and was bombarded by a vision of colour and scent, she couldn’t help but grin, “this is awesome” she leant over and kissed Liara on the cheek, “going to guide me through it?”

The first item was a burgundy red sweater, the fabric thick and soft, it felt heavy in Jayne’s hands the high collar, she knew, would feel amazing when she tucked her chin into it.  Liara was thrilled when Jayne immediately pulled off her plain black hoodie and slipped it over her head, the fit was just right. 

“How did you know my size?”

Liara grinned, “You and Shiala are very similar in stature, I had her try them all on.”

With a raised eyebrow, “how many?”

“Oh, only fifteen or sixteen”

Jayne shook her head, “she is a more patient woman than I, although speaking of Shiala, I guess these were her idea?” Shepard asked as she pulled out her own pair of fluffy slipper boots, again immediately slipping them onto her feet.

They continued to work through the box, an anthology of short stories from across the galaxy, essays written about the lives and discoveries of notable scientists, an OSD of music ranging from Salarian trance to Hanar heavy metal, a subscription to vidnet and a list of ‘classic’ films and series to priorities, two tickets to the Charge Ball league final in April and a huge stack of snacks and confectionary from various planets.

“I don’t even know where to start Liara” Jayne felt a little overwhelmed, no, a lot overwhelmed, “this is so kind of you, and really thoughtful.”

Liara shuffled a little closer and put her head on Jayne’s shoulder whilst her girlfriend flicked through the book of stories, “it was actually really fun to do, I think by the end even Shiala was getting into it, half the snacks were her selections!”

Shepard kissed Liara’s forehead, the Asari could feel the smile on her lips.

Reaching to her side Shepard handed Liara her package, “I know you’ll probably already have it but, well, open it and you’ll understand.”

Liara took it, looking questioningly at Jayne, blue fingers delicately undid the wrapping, revealing a beautiful leather-bound book, the silver trim on the edge of the pages catching in the dancing firelight, Liara brought the book to her nose, inhaling the scent of new leather and print, soft to the touch but firm.  She turned it over in her hands, a small gasp as she ran her fingers over the embossed T'Soni crest, the teal lettering in Attena telling her Jayne was gifting her a copy of The Anthem.

With a tentative breath Liara opened the volume, seeing a handwritten note on the inside cover:

_Liara, may the Goddess guide you to Usan'mushi, Jayne._

The Asari sat stunned, The Anthem was the prayers and teaching upon which commando training was based, each new recruit was expected to have their own copy which they'd make notes and refer to often in their private learning and meditation.  It was usually gifted by a parent or close family relative, for Jayne to have taken such a step was a sign of commitment and support, it seemed fitting that Shepard should do so given her background. 

"It's beautiful" Liara whispered, feeling the fine pages between her fingers, the clear flowing lettering of attena like intricate lacework.  "I think, this may explain a lot to Shiala" she gave Shepard a lopsided grin, "it is no wonder you ran rings around the honour guard if you understand usan'mushi."

Jayne stood up and stretched, pushing her hands into her pockets and staring into the flames, the embers winking as they consumed their fuel, "my Mother was gifted a translated copy of The Anthem from an Asari colony she helped protect, she would read passages to me when she wasn't on deployment."  Jayne paused for a moment, remembering being curled into her Mother, closing her eyes as Hannah's soft tone read from the texts, Liara studied Shepard carefully.   "It's all I have left of her, reading it makes me feel a little closer, like I can carry her with me.  When I started to understand the teachings, I was captured by the concept of usan'mushi, to disappear without a trace."

Silently Liara stood, threading her arms around Jayne and resting her head between Shepard's shoulder blades, the reassuring thump of Jayne's heartbeat soothing, "thank you" she whispered, "for sharing this part of you."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For a split-second Jayne had to remind herself where she was, the room was dark, it smelt unfamiliar and the bed was far too comfortable, she couldn't remember the last time she'd slept so deeply, the heavy duvet and, just, all the space in the world to stretch out, unrestricted.  It was of course only natural that she'd wake up at 5.30 feeling skittish and like she should be doing something.

Digging through her bag Jayne pulled out her winter running gear, thick socks, black tights, a t-shirt and lightweight thermal top, she added gloves and a hat.  Picking up her trail shoes and headtorch Shepard padded silently through the house.

Shiala stood at the bottom of the stairs, as if she'd been waiting.

"Am I that predictable?" Jayne asked, already knowing the answer.

A dusting of fresh snow meant the ground groaned with each step creaking under their shoes, Shiala led the way, the pools of white light from torches bobbing to their rhythm.

"How far do you want to go?" The Asari asked.

Jayne shrugged, starting to get used to the cold air sharp in her lungs, the fog of sleep lifting with each stride, "seven to ten k?" The Asari simply nodded.

The pace was high, Shepard realised she was being tested, Shiala dancing along the trails, clearly having learnt the paths, her steps efficient and measured, Jayne felt like a blind elephant in comparison.  They charged up the incline to the North ridge, Jayne desperately trying to keep her breathing under control as she fought to stay on Shiala's heels. 

"Jeez okay, you've got me" Shepard gasped as they reached the top, she bent over, hands on knees trying to get enough oxygen into her screaming lungs.  To her surprise Jayne watched Shiala crumple onto a tree stump head between her legs, breathing hard.  Jayne walked over to Shiala, offering a hand and pulling the Asari to her feet, the pair of them laughing at the state they'd go themselves in.

"Maybe we can just jog back?" Shepard offered, the acolyte nodding.  They took their time on the descent, "thanks for the slippers, and for putting up with Liara making you try jumpers on."

"All part of the service" Shiala stated gruffly, "I'll admit I had fun, it was good to see that side of Liara again."

"What do you mean?"

Shiala shrugged in the dark, "like you, there is a lot of expectation on her, it's been a long time since I've seen her smile freely and get excited about something frivolous."

Jayne thought for a moment, “I get the impression she can never quite relax or let her guard down in case someone is watching.”

“Someone is always watching” Shiala stated simply, “I spend half my time kicking the press out of school or trying to shutdown gossip because someone has offered a handful of credits to a kid for a story.”

Shepard blew out her cheeks, “I had no idea.”

Shiala laughed, “that’s a good thing Jayne, you’ve been the subject of a number of articles already.”

“Are you serious?” Jayne had stopped running and looked up at the still pitch-black sky, hands on her hips.

“Of course, do you think the press aren’t going to notice when the Councillor’s daughter starts dating an Alliance officer whose Mother was instrumental in the destruction of the Reapers?  The whole of Thessia is gossiping about you.”

Jayne groaned, “really, as if I don’t have enough to think about.”

Shiala placed a hand on Jayne’s shoulder, “I know, that’s why we’ve been working double time to keep it as quiet as we can, you and Liara are cute together, you deserve to just, well, be yourselves.”

They both looked at each other awkwardly in the torch light, “thanks” muttered Jayne as they started moving again, the house quickly approaching.  They entered at the back, kicking off their shoes, instead of heading back to her room Shiala motioned for Jayne to follow her.  Descending the steps into the basement the acolyte opened a door into what can only be described as a gymnasium.  Weights and resistance machines cluttered one corner whilst most of the room was an open sprung floor.

“The maidens are sparring, they wondered if you’d join them?”

Shepard coughed back a laugh, “is this so they can kick my ass for the other week?”

A twinkle in her eye Shiala replied, “maybe.”

Jayne walked cautiously onto the floor, she slipped off her socks so she could get a better grip, four maidens were currently sparring in pairs.  Shepard instantly recognised them as those she’d taken out in the house during the exercise, the bruising now fully healed on the one whose nose she’d broken.

The four broke off as she approached, “rules of engagement” Shiala spoke as she strode to the centre of the floor, “three rounds, only one commando to engage the Corporal at any one time, if your back hits the deck you’re out and you can yield at any time.”

Jayne furrowed her brow, “hold on there, four on one?”

“You didn’t complain about the odds last time” one of the maidens said.

Shepard sighed and shrugged, it was true enough.  “Okay give me a sec.”  Jayne stepped away from the group, she knew she was being watched but she needed a moment to get herself into the right frame of mind.  Closing her eyes and taking a deep breathe, she let her cells tingle with the flood of oxygen and focused on the feeling of her blood coursing through her veins.  Stripping down to her sports bra Shepard felt the warm air of the room on her body, she mapped the route of the airflow and picked up the scents in the space, chalk from the maiden’s lifting barbells, a hint of leather wax and disinfectant.  She turned back to face her adversaries, in that instant the change happened, suddenly her weight shifted to the balls of her feet, muscles twitched in anticipation, her sight focused on constantly assessing and evaluating, the adrenaline hit her system and her heart began to pound.

Shiala noted the shift, she wondered briefly if this had been a good idea, arm dropping to indicate the start of the round.  Jayne studied the movements of the commandos, careful, considered and prowling, she noted the subtle looks and glances, it would take her time she didn’t have to decode their messages.

The maiden closest to Shepard’s left stepped closer, looking to test, inquiring movements, instead of allowing the commando to lead the dance Jayne suddenly launched herself at the Asari ramming her shoulder into the maiden’s chest and knocking her to the ground, before anyone had a chance to take in what had happened Jayne was on her feet and had grabbed the arm of her next target.  With a yank the asari spun on the spot Shepard’s foot hitting the backs of knees and a strong forearm cross the maiden’s neck.  A pause.

“Yield” it was a command not a question.

The maiden squeaked in reply.  Jayne looked at the two remaining commandos both stood looking stunned.

Shepard raised her hand, “hold on” she turned to Shiala, “I know it’s early but if we’re going to do this can you at least get them to come to the party?”

“Goddess” Shiala huffed, “what has gotten into you all, it’s like you’ve never sparred before.”

“Let’s start again, one on one though so you can all focus” Shepard offered.

And so it began, the twisting, turning, elegant match of two predators learning each others moves, trading blows, tentative at first before building in intensity.  Shiala looked on as each of her charges took on Jayne, she couldn’t believe what she saw, Shepard took control, could lead from either the front of the back foot, she lured her prey into making mistakes, took glancing blows in order to land her own hit, always three or four moves ahead.  She watched as her commandos got more and more frustrated by their inability to breach Shepard’s defences.

“Cease!”  Shiala had seen enough.

Shepard left the floor, towelling herself off with her discarded shirt, this was fun and all but she couldn’t understand why the commandos were so bad at hand to hand, they telegraphed their moves well in advance and their tactics were flawed, like something was missing.

“Jayne?” Shepard turned to look at Shiala, “once more?”  Jayne noted the glint in her eye, so the Commander wanted to show her hand.

Shiala was good, very good.  On the attack from the start the rapid quick and precise moves had Jayne on the back foot, they both scored blows with Shepard giving as good as she got, the pair circling and striking but neither being able to land the final hit, as one of the maiden’s called time both were breathing hard.

Turning away from one another Shepard walked to pick up her shirt and mop herself down again, her eyes fell on Liara, who stood watching, arms crossed a bemused look on her face.

“Morning beautiful.”

Liara smiled, “why are you holding back?”

“What do you mean?” Jayne asked, studying Liara carefully.

“You’re holding back, yes Shiala is a challenge but you’re holding back, I can see the tension in your shoulders, the hesitation, it’s like you get to the edge of what you know but you won’t take a step beyond.”  Liara paused for a moment, she’d wanted to raise this with Jayne, but hadn’t anticipated it’d come up in this forum, carefully she added, “I feel it when you kiss me too, the tension and reluctance.”

One of the maiden’s called time on the start of the next round, Jayne turned from Liara suddenly filled with anger.  Not at the Asari for challenging her, no, Shepard was angry at the Reapers, at the Alliance at everything she’d become.  Her heart pounded in her ears, jaw suddenly locked shut, teeth biting down hard, fists clenched.

Jayne didn’t see Shiala anymore, just an enemy, the sparring was lightening quick, violent and harsh, both women bringing their A game.  Shepard’s mind was filled with flashes from her life, her grief at losing her parents, her resentment at being trapped in the Alliance, her inability to be who she wanted to be, to be free of it all, she’d give anything to step out of herself and just let the chaos wash over her.  She was now fighting all her demons, Aria, Hackett, every scumbag that had ever yelled at her to straighten her back or give a little more, she was fighting the Reapers, her Mother, she saw her Father’s pleading eyes and in that moment Jayne lost herself. 

Shepard felt the anger and hurt swell in her stomach rocketing through her as she gave everything she had into a punch to Shiala’s torso, the Asari flew backwards landing with a thump against the, thankfully padded, wall of the room.

Silence.

Jayne could hardly breathe, when she opened her eyes she saw her body resonate with dark energy, the deep blue glow wrapping around her form, she slumped to her knees, what had she done?


	11. Amped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about half way through now. Apologies for any disappointment that this chapter is a little short, it is the peak of the hump as it were, short in nature but planting seeds for the next series of events, a transition if you will.
> 
> Thank you for your continued support.
> 
> L for Love <3

Sucking in a breath Shiala wriggled to extricate herself from the padding on the walls, grateful she’d had the foresight to insist on double thickness, accidents happen.  Gingerly she stood up trying to avoid a grimace as she felt at least two ribs protest at her movement.  With a flick of her hand she dismissed the stunned looking commandos, their movement seemed to jerk Shepard out of her stupor, the human still humming with dark energy.

“Wait” Jayne looked at the maiden’s, her words were faltering, strained and filled with urgent panic, “nobody can know, promise me?”

“It’s okay Jayne” Shiala said, “their loyalty is unwavering” she nodded to the commandos who took their leave, Liara had already started walking towards Shepard.  Carefully Shiala sat down on the floor next to Jayne, Liara taking her place on the other side, Shepard slumped backwards, her face in her hands as she tried to ground herself with the feeling of the floor beneath her shoulders.

Shiala nudged a toe into Shepard’s side, “come on, you’ve just cracked at least two ribs with a heck of a sucker punch, time to talk” the Asari kept her tone light, she wasn’t in any way angry at Jayne, hell she’d had far worse in her centuries of training emotionally unstable maidens.

Sitting up and crossing her legs Shepard focused on a spot on the floor, "I don't really know what to say?"

"When did they manifest?"

Jayne was lost somewhere in her own head, she couldn't focus on her surroundings, it was all a bit too much, Liara saw the crease in Shepard's brow, reaching for the Human's hand she held it in hers hoping to bring an element of comfort.  Jayne squeezed back.

"I was eight, I'd climbed a tree and slipped, fell backwards, actually thought I was going to die but just kind of stopped on this cushion of blue."  Jayne swallowed, trying to find her voice, she was amongst friends she reminded herself.  "I've grown up in the Alliance, I'd seen what happened when one of the Cadet's showed up with biotic potential, they were set up with an L2 and then vanished to one of the biotic facilities.  Captain Vakarian was the only thing I had resembling a family I didn't want to be sent off somewhere else, or a lifetime of migraines."

Shiala looked at her, "hold on, you're not amped?"

Jayne shook her head, "Cadets are only eligible for L2s, so I just kind of hid it, and then when it turned out I was good at the whole solider thing it became even more important that nobody found out."

"Goddess, how are you even in one piece?" Shiala rubbed her face, Liara looked at her enquiringly, the acolyte explained, "Asari biotics evolved over millennia, our minds are able to deal with the instability, with humans, biotic ability is all wrapped up in emotion, amps help to stabilise things, not just making biotics more forceful but also contain them."

"So, what does this mean day to day?" Liara asked.

Jayne shrugged and met her girlfriends eye, a wry smile passed between them, "that I spend a lot of my time trying to stay level and calm, you think Aria doesn't get to me?  I have to let it pass otherwise I'd literally put my hand through her face.  That tension you feel, that's me trying to keep a handle on the part of myself that just wants to fall into you."

Groaning as she did so, Shiala got to her feet, "I need medigel and breakfast."

Jayne looked up, "sorry."

The acolyte just ruffled her hair, "don't sweat it champ."

Liara stood up and offered Jayne her hand, pulling her to her feet, "promise me something" Jayne looked at Liara, the person whom it was quickly becoming apparent she would happily move mountains for, "when we're together, just us, alone, you won't hold back, you won't bury anymore of yourself?  I don't care what happens, I don't care if you get so wound up you turn my home to rubble, I don't care if you flare every time we touch.  Just promise me you'll stop denying yourself those feelings."

Shepard looked at the floor between their feet, she trapped her tongue in her teeth, feeling the small muscles around her jaw flutter.  Jayne let the words fill her mouth, the inescapable response, she could feel the sounds and syllables, push against her lips.  Shepard looked to Liara and simply nodded, she didn't trust herself to speak and not say, I love you.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As breakfast drew to a close Shiala reassured Jayne that the medigel was working and she'd soon feel fine, the talk at the table had up until then revolved around Benezia and the current tensions on the Citadel.  Since the end of the war, races outside of Citadel space were fighting for better representation, the refugee crisis was still tense given the damage to the relay network, repairs were still ongoing and whilst most systems could be accessed it required a huge logistical operation to manage the strain.  More and more the Council found itself bombarded with resistance, controversy and rebellion over decisions that were being made, Vorcha and Batarian citizens making things particularly difficult.  The Council had prioritised the repair of the Citadel space relays which had of course led to discontent with citizens wishing to rebuild in the Terminus and Traverse.  Protests and the odd riot were almost commonplace now, the majority of the galaxy understood the Council were doing the best they could, but Benezia still visibly showed the strain.

Liara and Jayne moved to stand up, Aethyta raised her hand, "sit back down."  Jayne nervously remained seated.

"Biotics, amp, what are you going to do?" Aethyta looked at Jayne.

"I've no idea" Jayne shrugged, "what can I do?  I don't know what the Alliance would do with me if they found out, I don't want an L2, but equally it's becoming harder and harder to keep it under wraps."

"Do you want me to speak with Serrice?" Benezia asked.

"I'm sorry, how would that help?"  Shepard asked in confusion, looking between Benezia and Aethyta.

Liara spoke gently, "The Serrice Council is a consortium of Asari developers who create wetware, amps, implants, armours, I think Mother is wondering if we can maybe have an amp fitted outside of the Alliance."

Jayne blinked, "I didn't know that could be an option, I mean the Alliance would still find out, I'll have to have my annual medical in September, as soon as they scan me they'll know."

"If you carry on without one they're gonna find out when you warp the next person who pisses you off" Aethyta chipped in.

Jayne ran her hand through her hair, "true enough."

"You'd have to travel to Thessia for the surgery" Benezia added, "do you have leave?"

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, realising she was fingering the exact spot the interface implant would sit, "I do have leave, do I have to give you an answer now?  I know you're busy but I need to think about it."

To Jayne's relief Benezia smiled, "of course, now the pair of you go and enjoy your vacation."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A shifting southerly wind brought a warm front and howling winds, and icy rain that lashed the windows in sheets.  Jayne had her back against the armrest, knees bent her feet tucked under Liara's shins where the Asari sat curled up at the other end of the sofa.  The happy chatter of the burning fire the only background noise as the pair sat engrossed in their respective books.

"Will you stop it?" Liara said suddenly, exasperated. 

Shepard blinked, "what?"

Liara pretended to huff, "you keep staring at me!"

Jayne grinned, "sorry, I didn't mean to, I was just kind of, well intrigued."

Liara put down her book and shuffled up the sofa to snuggle onto Shepard's chest.  "What has captivated your interest Corporal?"

"I'll be honest, I was thinking about how totally alien you are, I'm just in awe really, call it scientific curiosity, it's just you never get to explore these things up close, sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."  Jayne's voice was full of almost childish excitement, Liara couldn't help but grin.

"Take me on your journey of scientific discovery" she giggled.

Jayne let the tip of her fingers trace the boundary between Liara's forehead and crest, "this bit is amazing, the skin on your forehead is beautifully smooth and soft yet your crest has layers of individual scales, their texture ripples, so many questions, like, how do you care for it, do you shed, how do you get into all the knocks and crannies, is there a special tool, is it like cleaning your ears where you're told not to use cotton buds but everyone does anyway?"

Through her laughter Liara tried to answer her girlfriend's questions, "we don't shed like a serpent but it if we're stressed or don't moisturise the scales can flake.  There aren't any special tools other than showering, however I have been known to employ the cotton bud technique when necessary."

"Can I touch it?" Jayne blurted out, instantly feeling herself swallowed by a wave of embarrassment, "sorry I feel like such a dork."  

Liara kissed her, "of course you can."

With hesitance Jayne let her fingers follow the ridges and troughs of Liara's crest, the Asari nuzzling in closer at the calming touch.  "You can touch the ends too" Liara realising she almost sounded hopeful.

"I feel a bit awkward, like I'm invading a very private, intimate part of you." Shepard's voice was no more than a whisper, "I don't want to hurt you or do something wrong."

Liara guided Shepard's hand onto the back of her neck where the waves of her crest merged with her shoulders, smiling and closing her eyes at the sensation.  The delicate touch sending a shiver through her relaxing and tender but laced with a wanting that the Asari let herself fall into secure and safe in the arms of her officer.

As Jayne placed soft kisses on the boundary that had caught her curiosity she let her lips linger as Liara whispered, "it is an intimate part of me Jayne, but I. . ." And there it was, the moment of hesitation that pushed on her heart, curled up in front of the fire caught between the flickering flames and the pummelling of rain drops on glass, Liara T'Soni realised she'd fallen in love.


	12. Why Today?

It took two stumbling footsteps before Shepard managed to brace herself, Ashley having run up behind her and jumped onto Jayne's back.

"Happy New Year!" Williams smiled broadly, wrapping her arms around her friend to stop herself from falling.  Jayne grinned, she'd missed Ash, she carried the Cadet through the barracks and unceremoniously dumped her friend on a bunk, the metal springs straining ominously.  Even more so when Jayne crashed down next to Ashley, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Good break? How are the folks?"

Ashley untangled herself from her rucksack, shuffling so her back was against the wall, "it was great fun, Christmas was lovely, my sisters and extended family all turned up, I went to midnight mass which was beautiful, then some downtime before James came to visit for new year, it got messy."  Jayne saw the slight shiver that went through her friend, she was willing to bet whatever had caused her celebrations to get messy wouldn't be passing the cadet's lips for a while.

Her tone softening Williams added, "I'm sorry I couldn't have you over this year, with all the cousins in town it was a real scrum for space."

Jayne let her head fall onto Ash's shoulder, "no need to apologise, I like having the place to myself, got loads of work done, submitted the first part of my Officer Portfolio, sorted all my school work."

"You ready for your exams? When do they start?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, first one is tomorrow, then they carry on throughout the week, once they're done its straight back into classes."  Jayne blew out her cheeks, not yet ready to face the reality of the new semester.

Williams poked Jayne in the ribs, "did you and the heiress have some time together?"

Shepard blushed, her jaw suddenly feeling tight with the urge to smile as she looked down and fumbled with a stray thread on her trousers, "I stayed over for a couple of days" Shepard muttered quietly.

Gasping in mock outrage, "why am I only finding out about this now? Details Jay, come on."

Jayne laughed, knowing she couldn't get away from it, she skirted over the whole biotic fistfight and instead detailed the thoughtful box of gifts Liara had given her and generally described cute moments in front of the fire or walking through the grounds.  By the time she'd finished Ashley was smiling at how adorably soft her best friend had gotten.

"So, this is pretty serious?"

Shepard nodded, "yeah."

Ashley playfully backhanded Shepard in the chest, "I can't believe you didn't tell me you stayed over, did you. . ." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, she knew the answer already but still had to ask, just in case Jayne was going to surprise her.

Shepard tsk'd, "I'm not there yet, I mean physically I'm so there but mentally, it's all kinda new and scary."

Williams slipped her hand into Jaynes, nudging her shoulder gently, "that's allowed."  Hesitantly she added, "I'm a bit mad at Vega, I really wanted to at New Year, I really wanted it to be all romantic, making love at midnight” Ash said wistfully, before adding, “but one of my cousins got him wasted doing shots and it was a total no-go."

Jayne sighed, "oh man, sorry Ash, that really sucks, have you spoken to him about it?"

“I don’t know what to say, I don’t know I shouldn’t be blaming him really” Ashley muttered but Jayne could still hear the hurt in her friend’s voice.

                -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday January 3rd dawned cold, very cold, it was at least six below, and despite using the term dawn, it would still be dark until at least 0845.  Bundled up in their winter PT kit the platoon filed out for the morning session, rifle circuits.  An hour of arm busting hell of standing in rows and being told to hold their loaded rifle out in front of them, above their head whilst they squatted or on their backs doing press-ups.  As the session went on arms would begin to shake uncontrollably as the blood built up in forearms, so pumped that the muscles could no longer contract to grip anything.

Jayne added even more layers for the cycle to school, doing her best to avoid the ice, the tarmac sparkling under the beam of her lights.  Beneath her fleece neck warmer Shepard wore a smile, Liara stood waiting by the bike racks.

Locking her bike, Jayne attempted to excavate enough of herself to give her girlfriend a kiss, “hey beautiful.”

“You really shouldn’t be riding that thing in this weather” Liara tutted.

Shepard slipped hers and Liara’s hand into her pocket as they walked towards the main block, “well we can’t all be chauffeured around heiress” tongue firmly in cheek, Liara refusing to rise to the bait. 

“Maths B today?”

Jayne nodded, stripping off her outerwear and cramming it into her locker, Liara ran a hand up the exposed forearm, Jayne shivered.  Her arms were still swollen, the veins popping, straining against the skin, she watched as Liara’s delicate fingers followed the line of her shirt sleeves, the soft skin on the inside of her bicep ticklish to the foreign touch.  Shepard couldn’t help but tense as Liara gently squeezed feeling the solid muscle beneath, the Asari’s lips parted slightly.

Shepard coughed grinning and making Liara jump, “if we could return to reality Miss T’Soni.”

Liara suddenly turned shy mumbling incoherently, Jayne tipped her girlfriends chin up, kissing her gently, “wish me luck?”  She asked, picking up her exam equipment and closing her locker.

“You don’t need luck Corporal.”

                ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liara was right, Jayne didn’t need luck, she’d worked hard and been diligent in her preparations, one of the many positives about being in the Alliance was she was highly motivated and highly driven, and when both of those things failed her she had her routine.  Will power will only ever get you so far, Shepard’s regimented routines meant she often found herself studying almost on autopilot.

It didn’t mean she wasn’t stressed though, she’d find herself waking up in the middle of the night thinking about her subjects, hardly feeling hungry and worrying she’d forgotten whole chunks of the syllabus.  Once she was in the exam hall it was never as bad as she thought but the build-up was horrendous.

Liara was no better, the maiden was short tempered and irritably, by Tuesday lunchtime Jayne and her girlfriend had come to a mutual agreement they’d avoid each other, their stress simply causing them both to be unnecessarily crisp.  Neither wanting to say something they didn’t mean because they were losing their heads.  

It hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“Trouble in paradise, Corporal?” Lawson sneered, flicking her hair over her shoulder, looking right at Jayne in the via the reflection of the mirror in the girls’ bathroom.  Jayne continued to wash her hands, choosing not to engage.  Turning to leave she found herself almost pinned against the wall by Aria, the Asari’s eyes dark and sinister, Jayne watched as T’Loak unzipped her jacket displaying a little too much cleavage. 

“What’s up Shepard, you seem a little tense” T’Loak let the tip of her tongue skim the surface of her lips, Jayne held her gaze, knowing full well Aria was on the hunt, “is your innocent maiden not satisfying your urges, we’ve all heard the stories about hot bloodied marines.”

Jayne couldn’t help but snort with laughter, if only Aria knew the truth, Liara being the one who was far more forward when it came to physical intimacy.  “Oh, please Aria, give it a break, you do realise nobody actually gives a damn about what you have to say?”  Jayne watched her words irk the Asari, she continued, “here’s the thing T’Loak, all this disharmony you try and create, the bullying” she emphasized the word knowing it’d make Aria cringe, “you’re actually really bad at it, nobody cares, I don’t know what crap in your past made you this dysfunctional but sooner or later you need to realise trying to get a rise out of people isn’t going to make you feel any better.”

Shepard’s shoulder made contact with the Asari’s as she pushed past, firm enough to match the weight of her words, she was done with rolling over.

Aria sneered at Jayne’s retreating back, firing up her omni-tool, “fuck you Jayne Shepard” she spat hitting the ‘send’ button.

                ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday dawned just as cold and dark as the rest of the week, exams, PT, officer ‘stuff’, lack of Liara and Aria being a bitch all added up to a very pissed off Jayne Shepard.  Even Ashley was on her best behaviour, it wasn’t often that Jayne was in a bad mood, she was always civil and polite even at her worst so Williams took it on the chin knowing she just had to ride it out.

“Come on Shep, only today and tomorrow and you’re done” she squeezed her friends shoulder, “you’ve got this.”  Jayne gave a weak smile in response and nodded.

With a sigh, they both exited their room heading for the assault course, neither looking forward to the freezer burn they’d likely get from bare skin on the chilled metal of the ladders and monkey bars.  Every single cadet praying they wouldn’t fall off the apparatus into the drop pits which now had a thick layer of ice over them.

Neither got very far, Captain Vakarian stood in the corridor waiting for them, “Shepard, there’s something we need to discuss, Williams, you should come to.”

Jayne did her best not to let her last remaining shred of composure disintegrate, her mind questioning what the Captain could possibly need to discuss before 0600 on a Thursday.

Once the pair were safely inside his office Garrus carefully closed the door, he wasn’t looking forward to this but decided that getting straight to the point was the best course of action.  “We have a leak” he stated simply and passed a hard copy printout of a ‘news’ article, the headline made Jayne’s stomach drop and Ashley gasp.

**_Councillor’s Daughter Dating a Murderer_ **

The article was completely sensationalist, somehow the press had found out Shepard had killed her Father, there were no references to the actual event, of how old she’d been or that it took place during the war, literally the only thing the author knew was she’d killed him.  It was all they’d needed though to question why a ‘murderer’ was allowed to be in the Alliance in addition to calling into question the judgement of Benezia for letting her daughter get caught up in such evil.

Shepard slumped into a chair at the side of the room, head in her hands, why now?

Garrus felt his heart break, again, how many times was that now?  He’d lost count, he’d promised Hannah and Jason he’d take care of her no matter what.  Yet here he was again feeling utterly useless, he’d watch Jayne flourish on the Cadet programme, finding her confidence and coming out of herself despite the grief and pain he knew she carried every day.  He wished desperately he’d been able to be a better father figure for her, yes they were close but he knew she’d never bring anything personal to him, hell he’d found out about Liara from the press.  He knew Jayne was currently in turmoil, caught between Alliance expectations, her own drive to take control of her life and now falling in love, he couldn’t help but shake his head as he realised the weight Shepard was carrying.

And now this.

Ashley broke the silence, “any ideas on who it is?”

Jayne looked up, her friend and Captain saw the tiredness in her features, “see if anyone on base has a link to Aria T’Loak, she took the photo” Shepard nodded towards the print out.  The article featured a picture of her and Liara taken in school, technically it was before they’d got together, the Asari’s fingers lingering on her elbow a little longer than necessary, neither daring to voice their attraction, feeling shy and awkward.

Garrus tried to be as kind and gentle as he could, “okay, I’ll deal with this, go and get breakfast and refocus for your exams.”

Pushing herself out of her chair Jayne merely grunted, leaving the Captain’s office and heading back to her room.

Vakarian turned to Williams, “what are we dealing with here Cadet?”

Ashley shrugged, “a schoolyard bully who wanted to make a few credits, I doubt this Aria even knew what she was doing.”

                ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aria left the canteen, she couldn’t bear to listen to Lawson and Jack’s gleeful voices any longer, praising her success for the article she’d instigated.  The Asari felt conflicted, yes Shepard had pissed her off by calling her out and yes, she’d wanted to make her suffer but she hadn’t expected this.  She’d asked a guy who owed her a favour and worked at the base to see what he could dig up on Shepard, giving him her contact at the press associated.  Clearly a lot of credits had changed hands given in a matter of hours since the first article went online at least ten others had sprung up each carrying more and more detail.

Shepard’s records had been leaked, every detail of her, medical reports, phyc evaluations, training logs, personal schedule, family history, everything was out there. 

Shaking her head Aria tried to steady her breathing, she knew she’d gone too far.

                --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As with any other day Shepard locked her bike and headed to her locker, she pointedly ignored the sideways glances and pretended she couldn’t hear the whispers behind hands, she needed to focus.  The fist bump with Grunt was normal, his mere presence seeming to quell the turmoil that swept around her, he didn’t acknowledge what was going on, choosing to glare deliberately at anyone who stared a little longer than necessary, nobody dared hold the gaze of the krogan.

Jayne grabbed what she needed and the pair headed towards the exam hall, Shepard saw Aria skulking nearby, the Asari almost looking like she wanted to say something, Grunt let a low rumbling growl tremor in his throat.  Shepard nudged him with her elbow, “relax, we’ve got bigger fish to fry, I plan on acing language construct and you’ve got geography, we both know how hard you have to work to keep your colouring between the lines.”  She winked, the growl becoming a warm laugh.

                ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aethyta managed to duck just in time as the still half-filled mug smashed somewhere over her left shoulder.

“She had absolutely no right!” Liara yelled, her biotics glowing brightly in the dim kitchen, “so help me I’m going to flay her with my mind!” 

Liara was seething, Aethyta wasn’t sure she’d ever seen angry Liara before, her usually timid daughter was trembling with rage, eyes bright with hurt.

“Li, sweetheart, you need to calm down” crap, why wasn’t Benezia here, she thought.

As expected, “I will not calm down Father.  Those weren’t her secrets to tell, Jayne’s entire existence has been laid out for vultures to pick over.”

Aethyta grabbed her daughter by the shoulders, forcing eye contact, “listen to me Liara, this is not the first and nor will it be the last time, I’m not saying it makes it right” she sighed in exasperation before continuing,  “I’m sorry your Mother and I can’t insulate you from this anymore, I’m sorry someone you love has got caught in our politics, but you need to calm down, you need to relax and go and do your exams, getting wound up and wrapped up in revenge, no good will come of it.”

                ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite her Father’s words Liara was still a ball of anger, breaking two pens during her history exam as she found herself pressing far harder than was necessary to leave her words on the page.  The exam had been easy, she wished it had been harder, it might have taken her mind off the day’s events.  Snickering schoolmates were of no consequence, Liara’s only concern was with how Jayne was handling thing.

“What’s it like to kiss a killer?”  Liara felt her skin prickle, she slammed her locker closed, a little too hard, watching the metal bend.

“Ooooo” sang Jack, “Miranda, I think you touched a nerve.”

“Back off you two” Aria’s voice carried none of its usual cool and swagger.  Liara whipped round, eyes drilling into the Asari, her nemesis, her foe.

“You!” she cursed, “’back off’? Is that all you have to say for yourself, you think telling your minions to lay off is going to make any of this better?  Do you have ANY idea what you’ve done?”  Liara’s voice quivered with rage, she could feel her biotics resonating, she saw the fear cross Aria’s features.

“I’m sorry.”

The two words removed Liara’s pin, “you’re sorry?” She scoffed, “what exactly are you sorry for Aria, making people’s lives hell?  Exposing the hurt of Jayne’s past for public entertainment?  Launching slander against my Mother, the Councillor? Or your total and utter contempt for our privacy?”

Aria’s eyes widened, her mouth opened and closed again, she looked like a gormless carp, Liara drew her arm back suddenly overcome with the desire to see her fist in the other Asari’s face.

Two strong arms wrapped around her, Liara felt her body pulled into the warmth of her girlfriend’s powerful embrace, a soft kiss on her jawline and a whisper, “walk away, it isn’t worth it.”  With that Liara let herself be guided, still wrapped in Jayne’s arms out into the cold January afternoon.

Shiala looked up from the reports she was reading, surprised to see Jayne and Liara coming towards the skycar when there was still another hour of the school day left, she saw Shepard’s hands on the maiden’s shoulders, Liara with her arms crossed against her chest, Jayne practically pushing her forward.

Liara slid into the backseat whilst Jayne took the passenger seat next to the acolyte, “take me somewhere safe” the Corporal said under her breath so her girlfriend wouldn’t hear, Shiala nodded.

                --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the skycar landed at the T’Soni estate, the trio didn’t even look at the house, Shiala led them into the woodland, Shepard broke the silence.  “Really glad we’re all having such a great day.”

Liara hmphed, “you should have let me hit her.”

Shiala chose to bite her tongue, the thought of Liara hitting anything was a somewhat ludicrous, the acolyte pondered, it was always the quiet ones.

“It’s cute and all, you defending my honour” Jayne continued, her tone light, “but you would have done more damaged to yourself than Aria, you never punch with your thumb tucked into your fist.”

Shiala caught Jayne’s eye, they’d come to a small circular clearing, the trees were dense and tall, the howling wind deadened.

Liara suddenly stopped, “how can you be so calm about this?”

Jayne walked into the centre of the clearing, she turned around to face Liara.  “I am not fucking calm!” Jayne’s voice was a no-holds-barred scream of anguish and pain, like a wounded animal howling into the night, it filled the silence, the trunks of the trees seeming to shiver at her pain.  With every muscle tense, crippled by anger and need for release Shepard let the tidal wave she’d been holding back breach her defences, like a thundering avalanche she rose up and slammed her fist into the ground, the nova cratering the frozen earth, its shockwave coursing outwards.

Shiala turned her back and started to retrace her steps towards the house, this wasn’t her pain to witness.

Liara could do nothing but watch, as over and over again Shepard slammed herself into the ground.  When it finally stopped, when Jayne had nothing left except tears and fatigue, Liara approached.  She knelt in the pit of loathing and hatred Jayne had created, pulling the shaking wreck of her officer into her arms.  Liara closed her eyes, burying her face in the warmth of Jayne’s neck, holding on as Shepard’s breathing calmed, she let her mind spread outward, almost surprised to find the Corporal waiting for her and as their conscious minds joined, weaving together, they finally shared their unspoken truth.


	13. Embrace Your Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit this WIP has taken on a bit of a life of its own, I have no regrets in indulging in this fluffy/hurt/comfort/love train and it is all the better for having you wonderful people along for the ride.
> 
> Thank you for every kudos and every comment I really am a little bit stunned by your continued kindness and encouragement.

Benezia made the call to the Serrice Council, the Matriarch on the other end of the vid call hadn’t asked too many questions understanding when a Citadel Councillor requested absolute discretion, one gave it, even more so when the Councillor also happened to have the majority shares of the founding member of the consortium, Armali instruments.

Jayne booked seven days of leave, scheduled to coincide with the mid semester break at the end of February.  She didn’t even speak to Garrus when arranging her absence, choosing instead to deal directly with Alliance administrators. 

The intervening five weeks saw Jayne fall into familiar routines, she maintained her Alliance duties, continuing to progress with her officer studies.  School was relatively quiet, having taken both semester A & B mathematics concurrently she was now doing the same for physics, this meant she didn’t have to share a single class with Aria, the Asari had been conspicuous in her absence, or at least decided to keep her head down.  The press still picked over the bones of Shepard’s leaked records, ultimately the pressure fell upon Benezia who remained unwavering in her support.  Jayne spent her Thursday evenings with the T’Soni’s it was the only time her and Liara had together away from school, another reason for her decision to have the surgery during the school vacation.

Swinging her leg over the back of her bike, Jayne dismounted and parked her bicycle, locking it she turned to head to the barracks to drop off her things before dinner.  A stone pinged off of the metal strut of the bike shed, making Jayne flinch.

“Shepard, over here.” An urgent whisper.

Jayne checked over her shoulder before nipping around the side of the bike shed to find James Vega leant against the wall, “what’s up Vega?”

The cadet rubbed the back of his neck and fidgeted, “is Ash mad at me?” He asked quietly, before continuing, “things have been a bit weird since we got back and I don’t know what I’ve done.”

Jayne felt genuinely sorry for the guy he seemed to be really upset, she sighed, “erm I wouldn’t say mad” she hesitated, “I think maybe Ash just had her expectations dashed a little.”

James toyed with a stone with the toe of his boot, his eyes not leaving the ground, “is this because of New Years and erm, how I got drunk instead of well, yeah.”

“She kinda had it all planned out.”

Vega’s voice was quiet, “hell I know Jay, I just, she’s so confident and I really like her and I don’t want to mess it up, but, well, it’d be my first time and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Jayne couldn’t help but laugh, “you think anyone does Vega? Seriously you two need to talk, and I mean really talk.”

“So, she’s not mad at me?” 

Jayne shook her head, “maybe a little, but nothing you can’t fix.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shepard was throwing things into her bag when Ashley came in, the cadet flopping down onto her bunk.

“James said he spoke to you.” 

Jayne carried on folding her things, “you two okay now?” she asked over her shoulder.

Ashley looked at the back of her friend, grateful they’d both found each other, “yeah, I think so, it had never crossed my mind he’d freaked himself out, I mean, he’s all muscle and bravado.”

“The only James Vega I ever see is the pussy cat that wants you to scratch behind his ears, you have that guy hook, line and sinker Ash.”  The pair grinned at one another, Jayne throwing her toiletries into the end pocket of her holdall.

As if seeing her for the first time Ashley’s brow furrowed, “where are you going Jay?”

Jayne hesitated, clearing her throat, “Thessia.”

“Woah, what?!” Williams exclaimed, “since when, how long for?”

Turning around Jayne sat on the edge of Ash’s bed, her friend propped herself up on her elbow still looking confused.  Jayne explained, “it’s been planned for a while, I leave early tomorrow, I’ll be gone a week.”

Ashley opened and closed her mouth, sitting up, “were you even going to tell me?”

Shepard chewed the inside of her cheek, “I haven’t told anyone Ash, I went straight to admin to arrange this, I was trying to avoid awkward questions.”

Williams placed a hand on Jayne’s shoulder, she spoke softly, “awkward questions? Why? Jay what’s this about?”

Jayne fixed her friend with a hard look, “if I tell you Ash you have to promise me you won’t breathe a word of it to anyone, I’m serious, nobody can know.”

“Hey of course, you know I’ve got your back, always.”

Shepard found she was flooded with relief finally getting the words out, “I’m going to Thessia for surgery, I’m having an implant and wetware amp fitted.”

Ashley sat up, manoeuvring her legs so she could throw her arms around Shepard, “about bloody time” she muttered into the hug. 

Shepard twisted in her arms, trying to face Ashley, “you knew?” She said indigently. 

Williams laughed, squeezing her friend a little harder, “Jay, how long have we shared a room? How many times have I been your big spoon when you’ve had nightmares?  Literally every time you have them you flare, and that’s nothing of what happens when you’re dreaming about Liara.”  She winked, Shepard blushed.

When she’d managed to compose herself, “why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I know why you kept them hidden, we’ve seen kids and marines turn up and then a week later disappear off to biotic camp or whatever, maybe I was a bit selfish but I didn’t want to lose you.”  Ashley said quietly

Jayne snuggled a little closer into Ashley, “thanks Ash, you know you’re the best right? And in a totally platonic way I absolutely love you?”

Williams kissed Jayne’s cheek before pushing the Corporal up, “finish your packing you big softie.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For once Shepard was grateful for the early hour, at 0400 the base was quiet and the T’Soni corvette landed on the Alliance pad to few witnesses.  Shiala helped Jayne with her things, even the acolyte looking a little wilted at the early hour.  If the outside of the ship was impressive it was nothing of the inside.  The airlock led directly to the helm, the low chatter of the pilot and Alliance control tower filling the space.  Having only ever flown in military transports the finishes and furnishings were a lot to take in.  Jayne inhaled deeply, the craft still had that new-ship-smell, the tan leather upholstery looking utterly decadent, teal trim and the shimmering silver of the T’Soni crest all adding to the grandeur.

Jayne felt the slight lurch as the ship took off from the ground, continuing to follow Shiala past the dormant weapons and engineering stations to a large open plan area.  Plush leather seating surrounded the perimeter arranged in pairs around small tables.  The central area had vid links and a conference room feel to it, Jayne suspected at the flick of a switch this whole space could become the offensive hub of a CIC. 

Shiala pointed Jayne to a table, the pair taking seats opposite one another, a silent maiden immediately set a cup of peppermint tea in front of the Corporal and a similar steaming mug in front of the acolyte, Jayne hadn’t even been aware of their presence. 

In a hushed whisper Shiala leant across the table, “there are a few things we need to discuss.” 

Jayne looked at her surroundings, “you don’t say.”

Shiala smiled, “this is only the tip Jayne, you're dating Asari royalty.” the acolyte hesitated, “have you melded before?”

For some reason Shepard suddenly felt awkward, she knew Asari melded almost constantly with one another but for her it still felt like an intimate act to allow someone to enter your mind, “once” she stated simply.

“Okay, well I need you to get used to the thought that literally every Asari you come into contact with is going to want to meld with you, it’s our handshake.”

Jayne nodded, “so how does it work, what’s expected of me?”

“You present your wrists upturned, the other Asari place their hands on top, like this” Shiala demonstrated, in her tiredness she automatically instigated a meld, shocked awake by the sudden flash of panic from Jayne.

 _“It’s okay, sorry, I didn’t mean to”_ Shiala felt Shepard steady herself, getting a grip on her fight or flight reaction.

 _“No, it’s fine, we’re good”_ Jayne affirmed through the meld, before adding,  _“what else do I need to know?”_

_“You won’t be allowed to do anything for yourself, the maidens will be at your beck and call, they have sworn themselves to the House, I know it’ll feel weird for you but you have to just go with it, they’ll see it as an affront otherwise, as if they aren’t meeting your standards.”_

Shiala felt Jayne’s unease,  _“you’ll be fine”_ she reassured.

Shepard pulled herself away from the acolyte, “sorry, I haven’t eaten and I’m struggling to stay focused, you know enough about the depths of my mind as it is.”

“What do you want to eat?”  Jayne noticed a maiden hovering nearby.

Shepard hesitated, a little embarrassed, “I know you’ve probably gone to a lot of trouble to stock up on ‘human food’ but, well, all I ever eat is Alliance standard, as long as it isn’t going to kill me I’d rather not differentiate myself from the rest of the family." Before adding, "unless it’s more of those horrendous fish balls you got me for Christmas.”

Shiala laughed softly remembering the Corporal’s face as she’d tried a ToGi ball for the first time, the look of utter disgust as it burst in her mouth, describing it as ‘foul tasting cod liver oil’.  The acolyte nodded to the maiden who disappeared down a set of stairs.

Whilst they waited for breakfast Shiala gave Jayne an outline of the rest of the ship, the upper deck housed the Matriarch’s cabin, further back on the main deck was the staff quarters to the left and Liara’s cabin to the right.  The deck below contained a small armoury, galley and engineering.

Breakfast was a gentle introduction to Asari cuisine, consisting of warm breads and cold cured fish.  Whilst they ate the acolyte gave an overview of the weeks itinerary, when they landed on Thessia Jayne would be taken to the Serrice clinic to undergo her surgery, she’d be there for two nights before joining the rest of the family.  Jayne was expected to attend a number of functions with the T'Soni's although Shiala assured her there would be plenty of opportunities to explore Armali at her leisure. 

Draining the remains of her tea Jayne asked, “how long is the flight to Thessia?”

Shiala spoke as a fresh mug was placed in front of the Corporal, “Eighteen hours, the rest of the family are sleeping, I suggest you do the same when you’re ready, Thessia operates on Citadel Standard and we’ll be landing at 0700 local.”

“Can I go and watch the jump first?”  Jayne’s eyes bright with excitement.

“You’re a guest of the House Jayne, you can do whatever you like” the acolyte grinned.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took a moment for Liara to work out where she was, the hum of the drive core bringing her out of her confusion, she noted Jayne’s bags had been placed on the floor at the end of her bed but there was no sign of her girlfriend.  She slipped out of bed, shivering slightly in the air-conditioned space, she smiled to herself as she zipped up Shepard’s hoodie, flipping up the hood over her crest and burying her hands in the soft fleecy pockets.  Padding through the ship she looked quizzically at Shiala who looked up from a datapad as she approached.

“She’s up with Naomi” the acolyte stating before being asked, chuckling to herself as she watched the sleepy maiden shuffle towards the helm.

Liara found Jayne and the pilot having an animated conversation, she let her hand flutter to Shepard’s neck.  Jayne melted at the sight of her girlfriend bundled up in her jumper, she knew she was smiling like a goofball, thankfully the pilot chose to busy herself with her console. 

“Is the Corporal bothering you Naomi?  She has a reputation for being a distraction.”

Jayne pretended to look hurt by Liara’s comments, the pilot just laughed, “no Heiress, I’ve quite enjoyed the company.”

Liara slipped her hand in Jayne’s pulling gently, Shepard got the hint, standing up and allowing Liara to lead her back through the ship, Shiala didn’t look up as the pair passed, she knew Jayne would never have entered Liara’s cabin of her own accord. 

Once inside Liara slipped back into bed, the duvet still warm, Shepard hesitated, “you're making the place look untidy, get in” the maiden muttered, already well on her way back to sleep.

Jayne kicked off her boots and removed her trousers, before pulling off her fatigues top, leaving her in just her Alliance issue lycra boxers and undershirt.  Liara flicked back the duvet so Jayne could get in, before covering them both and moving to snuggle into the perfectly shaped dip of her girlfriend’s shoulder, fingers gathering a bunch of Jayne’s top to cling on to.

Within moments Jayne found herself caught between the gentle whir of the drivecore and the soft snuffles of a sleeping Liara, hoping that this was the first of many such occurrences Shepard smiled as she let herself drift amongst the stars. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shepard didn’t care that her mouth hung open as the skycar ducked and weaved through the elegant towers of Armali.  Even in the early morning the warm light drew vivid colours from the stunning architecture, the curve of lake Bisel a stark contrast to the urban sprawl.  In the distance, you could still see signs of the rebuilding effort, the great Palace still undergoing restoration works following the war.  

Naomi gave a running commentary, pointing out key buildings or noting interesting details, caught up in Jayne’s awe.  The pilot had been tasked with escorting the Corporal for her surgery.  With the Citadel still in the Sol system and Benezia becoming Councillor at the end of the war the T’Soni’s hardly ever spent long periods of time on Thessia.  It meant when they did their time was in high demand seeing to various diplomatic and personal matters.

Landing on the roof of the sleek crisp lined clinic of Serrice Amps Jayne found herself swept along clean corridors following a matron whose deep purple uniform made her pale blue skin sparkle.  Shown into a private room Naomi took her leave, Jayne stood alone with her thoughts and the view, a hint of the shimmering lake just visible between the tower blocks.

"Jayne Shepard?" A soft voice broke the silence, Shepard having been so absorbed in her thoughts she hadn't heard the door open, she turned to face the visitor, an Asari in purple scrubs, she smiled warmly.  The Asari continued, introducing themselves, "good morning, I'm Dr Varessa, chief surgeon here at the clinic, I'll be fitting your neural implant."

Shepard shook the proffered hand, "thank you for seeing me at short notice, I know your skills are in demand Doctor."

Varessa smiled modestly, "it’s my pleasure Miss Shepard, despite what certain sectors of the media may portray the Asari, along with the rest of the galaxy should be honouring your personal sacrifice."

Jayne crossed her arms and looked at the floor trying to swallow past the lump in her throat, Varessa sensed her discomfort, "anyway" she said brightly, "the surgery is straight forward, you'll only be out for a couple of hours, we keep you in a couple of nights to make sure the skin is bonding and your nervous system can feel a little overstimulated at first so it's best to remain in a relatively dull environment without stress for the first 24 hours."

Shepard simply nodded.

"Can you remove your shirt so I can mark you up?"  Jayne did as she was told, sitting on the bed and letting the Doctor poke and prod, identifying the perfect entry point to insert the implant into her body, although she tried to pay attention Shepard was distracted and knew she'd have to ask Varessa to repeat much of what she'd been explaining once the operation was over.

With a final flourish of typing the Doctor wrapped things up, "okay, you're all set, I'm heading down to theatre to prepare, if you can remove your boots before coming down but otherwise just dress as you are a nurse will be up shortly to escort you."

Jayne sat on the edge of her bed and pulled out the battered form of her Mother's copy of the Anthem, she turned the small volume over and over in her hands looking out at the city.  Her fingers found the bookmarked passage, she didn't need to look at the words knowing the text by heart.

_I_ _t can be easy to misinterpret the gifts of the Goddess as a burden to be shouldered, acceptance is the first step on realising your full potential.  Trust_ _Athame to guide you with wisdom, hope and might._

Shepard thought of her parents, who had sacrificed everything to allow her to live, true vanguards of peace, soulmates torn apart by circumstance, standing proud and true.  She carried them with her, despite everything Jayne knew it was time to accept herself, to stop fighting against her strengths and weaknesses to rise up against her own doubts and hurt and grief.  No, things weren't fair, or right but it was time to stop the torment from engulfing her, it was time to trust herself.

A gentle knock at the door, the same nurse who had shown her to her room stood in the doorway, an expectant look on her face, "Dr Varessa is ready for you."

Jayne got to her feet, letting the Anthem drop from her fingers onto the bed, she strode towards the nurse, Athame's mantra beating to the drum of her heart.

_To find yourself you must embrace your unknown._


	14. Dance With Me

The dappled shade of the tree cover was a welcome relief to the Thessian heat, despite it being relatively early the air temperature was already in the low twenties.  Jayne lost herself in the rhythm of her footfalls on the earth track, the shimmering lake surface teased her as it dipped in and out of view between the trees.  Her face was passive, she was lost in the wonderful suspension of ‘flow’, her mind was calm for what felt like the first time in her life, no humming static or whirring thoughts, just blissful emptiness and focus.  Her body moved easily, the warmth making her muscles supple, each stride easy, she’d had to double check her omni-tool when it told her she was holding 4:25/km pace.  Her escort silently followed, running shoulder to shoulder the two maidens had assumed this would be an easy jog, maybe doing ten k at a push.  They shared a look as the distance ticked over to thirteen.

As the hour beeper sounded Jayne slowed her pace, stepping off the trail and onto a small beach, she sucked in the air, stretching her tee to wipe the sweat from her face.  The view was spectacular, the soft ripples looking like someone had taken a feather duster to the water’s surface, the deep navy blue as full as the darkness of space.  Armali stood proud in the distance, the long beach that skirted the city already showing signs of activity as bright parasols spread their wings.

Fingers interlaced on the back of her head Jayne stood tall, opening her chest to calm her breathing, she closed her eyes feeling her pulse drop with each passing moment.  The warm sun on her skin, the prickle of sweat, the swell of her muscles pumped with blood, she sighed, she felt so alive.

Her surgery had gone to plan, the implant had grafted perfectly and the medigel had easily healed the join.  As soon as the wetware amp had been activated it was as if a lifetime of stress had lifted from her, she felt taller and lighter, the world seemed brighter.  Until she started training the amp was set to simply modulate her biotics not stimulate them, it kept them at a fixed level regardless of Jayne’s emotional state allowing her to relax.  If she pushed beyond the amps limits she would still flare, but the chances of it happening had greatly deminished.   Jayne blinked against the tears of relief which stung her eyes.

The maidens watched with polite confusion as Jayne appeared to scour the ground, combing through the gravel with her toe, until she bent down and picked up a stone.  They watched as the Corporal hurled the pebble across the surface of the water, eyes widening as they saw it skim five or six times in quick succession before the peak of a ripple gulped it down.

                ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liara was just leaving her room as Jayne walked up the corridor, she closed her door and leant her shoulder against the wall, letting herself fall into the sight of her girlfriend, muscles pulled taught, the sheen of sweat reflecting in highlights as Shepard walked towards her dipping in and out of the pools of sunlight from the windows as she did so.  Hair dishevelled and a relaxed lollop to her gait, Jayne flashed Liara a smile, coming to rest mirroring the Asari’s pose.

“You look well” Liara smiled.

“I feel well” Jayne concurred.

The Corporals eyes held a spark Liara hadn’t seen before, it made her pulse quicken, she gave a slight cough to steady herself, “you should shower otherwise you’ll miss lunch.”

“Who are we entertaining today? Please not another Elcor?” Jayne feigned boredom.

Liara giggled, she silently scolded herself, what kind of a noise was that? “No, I believe we have the pleasure of the company of a number of Matriarchs, we should be able to slip away relatively easily.”

Jayne raised an eyebrow, “you have plans for me Miss T’Soni?”

The maiden pushed herself away from the wall, walking carefully around Shepard, watching as her girlfriend’s gaze followed her, “I only have plans for Corporals who arrive on time for lunch freshly laundered and pressed.”

Jayne gave a casual salute, grinning from ear to ear as she made her way to her own room.

                --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pair unfolded themselves form the skycar, Shepard took in their surroundings, they’d travelled to the final slopes which led to the summit of Mount Orlael, the towering spires of Armali were just visible across the heat-haze of the plateau.  The densely wooded hillside gave way to sheer cliff faces, simple buildings dotted across the outcrop.

Jayne sucked the air between her teeth, it was if the very molecules resonated, it was an odd feeling to describe but the trees and stone seemed to fizz with purity, it made the hairs on her arm stand on end despite the warmth. 

“What is this place?”  She whispered, not understanding why but to raise her voice felt wrong.

Liara took Jayne’s hand in her own, the coolness of the Asari’s skin a sharp contrast to Shepard’s heat, “this is the home of the Armali Guard, the most formidable commando cadres on Thessia.  It is here that the select few will dedicate their lives to study and training, swearing all of themselves to Athame and the Anthem.”

“The whole place feels alive, like the breeze carries prayers” Shepard’s eyes wide with wonder as her ears sought to grasp the mantras she was sure she could hear.

Liara bowed her head, squeezing the hand in hers, “for those who follow Athame’s teaching this is a sacred place, and the birthplace of the Justicar.”

“I feel like I’m intruding Liara, as though I’m stumbling through holy ground.”

Shepard felt a pair of hands on her shoulders as Shiala said brightly, “maybe you are Jayne, but they have a museum open to the public so I wouldn’t worry.”

The museum was exactly why they were here, Liara guessing correctly that Jayne would be in her element absorbing herself in all the displays, reading each information card in intricate detail, even going so far as to start taking notes.  In the end Liara found a place to perch, watching the Corporal get sucked into the eons of history that surrounded them.

Shiala sat silently next to the maiden, their hands touching gently.

_“The my’kas are doing patterns in the courtyard, we have permission to observe.”_

_“She already feels the call Shiala, is it wise?”_ Liara hadn’t taken her eyes off Jayne, seeing her girlfriend relaxed for the first time, her eyes catching the almost imperceptible rise of the amp between shoulder blades.

_“We both know she carries the spirit of a warrior, her friction with the Alliance is down to control and respect, she wouldn’t work so hard to impress, she wouldn’t take pride in what her mind and body are capable of if she didn’t accept her calling.”_

The maiden considered the acolytes words, she knew they were the truth, her mind drifted as she continued to watch Shepard, eyes lingering on the sharp white line of her t-shirt sleeve bisecting her arm, skin tinged honey from the Thessian sun, she thought of Jayne clad in commando leathers, could almost smell the wax, feel the supple material under her fingers as she pulled the Corporal into her.

Shiala cleared her throat sharply, quickly retracting from the meld.  Jayne spun round in surprise, amused to see a deeply blushing Liara and a slightly awkward looking acolyte, she raised a curious eyebrow.  The Commander stood quickly, managing to find her voice, “come, Jayne, the apprentices are training.”

The stone balustrade was rough against Jayne’s forearms, she knew when she stood up her skin would be dimpled with their outline, but she didn’t mind, her attention was lost to the rhythmical motion below.  Twenty Asari stood in perfect formation, their bodies bending and intertwining in unison, as if connected by a single thread, the air curled and whipped as they worked methodically through the patterns.  It was breathtakingly beautiful, like a dance of flames, gasps and sighs harmonious with the very breath of the earth.

Jayne heard the same mantras as before, except they seemed to have their epicentre within her, as though with each beat of her heart their chant became louder, the words replacing the blood in her veins as they swam through her.  She had no idea how long she stood watching, lost in it all, it was with reluctance that she turned when Shiala placed a hand on her shoulder. 

The trio walked through long corridors back towards the exit, the walls covered in annual portraits of that years intake of my’kas, the same steely look of determination etched on each face.  Just as they were about to reach the exit Jayne froze, not entirely sure what had caught her attention.  She turned back and scanned the empty space, then she saw it.  The unit photograph of 2178, an exception to the rule.  At the end of the second row, pale skin shone stark against the blue of her colleagues.  Hands clasped behind her back the blonde-haired woman stood proud, her features mirroring the same focus.  Jayne skimmed the list of names under the image, stopping when she reached, ‘Lt. Cora Harper.’

                -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jayne wasn’t sure why she felt oddly nervous, maybe it was the uniform she pondered.  She was joining the T’Soni’s at a charity fundraiser, the family had dined together and were now changing in preparation for attending the formal dance.  Shepard had requested dress uniform 4, black slacks, a white shirt where the sleeves were rolled and buttoned as per standard fatigues, a black tailored jacket that cut in at her waist, gold trim finishing the cuffs.  The glint of her officer designation and class standing proud on her shoulders and chest, the Alliance emblem polished to a high shine.  Shepard was thankful the maiden tasked with seeing to her needs took it upon herself to knot Jayne’s bowtie, nimble fingers making short work.  As a sign of respect for the House, Shepard had arranged a silk cummerbund in teal, the ribbon taught against her stomach.

“Will I do?”

The maiden smiled, “I believe the word is, ‘dapper’ Corporal.”

The ball was taking place in the large gallery of the Armali Grand, the hotel the T’Soni’s had commandeered two top floors of for the duration of their stay, although Jayne had a sneaky suspicion they owned it.

The awkwardness Jayne had felt earlier still lingered, she found herself fidgeting as she stood next to Shiala in the lobby waiting for Liara. 

The acolyte nudged her gently, “remember to breath Corporal.”  Jayne had no idea what the commando was referring to until she pivoted on the spot to see Liara descending the stairs, her breath catching in her throat as she took in the sight of her girlfriend wearing a beautifully flowing evening gown, the deep red silk skimming curves, delicate feet encased in matching heels.

A hand on her shoulder as Liara leaned in, placing a soft kiss on Jayne’s cheek, whispering, “Good Evening Corporal” as she moved away.  Jayne hoped she hid her shiver, she suddenly felt choked by her own tongue.

“Look alive you two, they’re ready to announce you.”  They both looked up to see Aethyta and Benezia arm in arm, Jayne swallowed the heat rising in her cheeks, and offered Liara her arm.

As a pair of maidens swung open the doors Shepard hesitated only a second as she took in the grandeur and splendour of the hall, hundreds of people crammed into the space but a clear channel across what would become the dance floor lay ahead of them.

_Distinguished guests, please welcome Heiress T’Soni, daughter of Matriarch Aethyta and the Great Lady Benezia Citadel Councillor, accompanied by Corporal Jayne Shepard, Systems Alliance Officer, daughter of Major Jason Shepard and Commander Hannah Shepard, both of whom were instrumental in ending the War._

Jayne maintained a look of polite humour as a flutter of warm applause passed around the hall, thankfully attention quickly flew back to the other end of the room as Benezia and Aethyta took centre stage.

Liara guided Jayne through the crowd, the pair accosted at every turn, the Asari grateful that Shepard seemed so at ease, ramping up the charm and appearing to thoughtfully engage with each individual, not once flinching as her mind was invaded by total strangers.  Eventually the band struck up and focus shifted to the dance floor.

Shepard excused herself, slipping out of a side door onto a balcony, the sweet evening breeze carrying the melodic sounds of the city, its bright lights shining against the velvet blackness of the Thessian night sky.  Jayne unbuttoned her jacket, slipping it off and hanging it over a railing, enjoying the air cool on her exposed arms, the temperature of the main hall starting to make her sweat, she cursed her higher body temperature, the last thing she wanted was to perspire in front of the Asari great and good.

“All okay?”  Liara planted her hip on the edge of the railing, fingers lingering on Jayne’s wrist.

Shepard smiled, meeting the maiden’s questioning gaze, “just a little warm, I was just damming my higher-than-Asari core temperature” she stepped a fraction closer, slipping a hand to Liara’s waist, the delicate fabric seemed to melt at her touch, Liara’s own hand travelled up to the soft tangles of hair on Jayne’s neck.  Although reserved their kiss was no less intense, the touch burning through both of them.

“You look beautiful this evening Liara” the sincerity of Shepard’s words almost overwhelming the maiden.

“Thank you” she managed quietly, the tension in her chest tight against the beating of her heart.

Jayne reached up and took Liara’s hand in hers, “Heiress, would you care to dance?”

Shepard was already pulling her girlfriend back inside, Liara letting out a laugh, “you dance Corporal?”

Jayne grinned, “why Miss T’Soni, don’t sound so surprised” Shepard took a few quick steps to reach the bottom of the stairs turning to welcome Liara onto the dance floor, hands found shoulders, fingers and waists as Shepard pulled herself to full height, shoulders back, body purposeful as she prepared to lead. 

Eye contact held as they started to move across the dance floor to the rhythm the band set, “you have to remember, I’m an Officer of the Alliance, all we do is eat grand meals and ballroom dance, lest we have to prove to the upper crust of Asari society, we are indeed, worthy.”

As the band moved through its repertoire the pair continued to dance, Jayne’s flair and confidence contagious as they swept through the space, their world shrinking to the two of them.  As the evening lengthened they found themselves entwined in the shadows, the night drawing to a close, foreheads lightly touching as the music continued to wrap itself around them.

_“Thank you for an incredible evening.”_

_“The pleasure was all mine Liara, I’ve never felt so free, thank you.”_

_“Walk me home?”_

Jayne hooked her finger through the hanging loop of her jacket, throwing it over her shoulder, taking Liara’s hand in hers as they made their way through the hotel, the cool embrace of the corridors a welcome relief.  Liara didn’t let go of Shepard’s hand as she unlocked her door, Jayne dropping her jacket over the back of a chair as Liara turned and stepped into her, finally allowing themselves the kiss they’d been wanting for.  Liara’s fingers clinging lightly to Shepard’s collar as Jayne’s hands slipped to the small of her back, bodies pulled close.

“Miss T’Soni.” Jayne’s words low and heavy.

“Corporal?” Shepard could already see the swirls of dark smoke starting to cloud Liara’s eyes.

“Please don’t ask me to leave.”

Liara’s eyes focused on the unravelled tails of Jayne’s bowtie, her fingers already working to unbutton Shepard’s shirt, her sigh the only response as Shepard’s lips found her neck and she felt the zip of her dress start to fall.


	15. My'ka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies you all had to wait a little longer than usual for the update, thank you for the gentle nudges :-)

“We should get up, we’re nearly back.”

Jayne pressed back into Liara’s body, snuffling deeper into the duvet.  Warm, content, relaxed, she was definitely not ready to return to the real world.

“Do I have to?” She muttered sleepily.

Liara kissed the pale join of neck and shoulder, a smile on her lips.  The last few days it had been hard to tell where they each ended.  Entwined in body and mind.  It was going to be hard to unravel, to return to their routine.  The space they occupied together constantly calling them.  Still Liara smiled.  She wouldn’t have it any other way.  The alien in her arms was worth every moment of separation.  Never had she known such completeness.

Tracing a finger carefully around the wetware amp, a single pinpoint light indicating it was active.  Liara marvelled that such a tiny addition had changed Jayne so much.  Her girlfriend was calm and relaxed, no longer under the constant worry of ‘feeling too much.’  Eyes cast downwards, enjoying the contrast of skin on skin, continuing to let fingertips dance along shades of curves.  Another sultry kiss to the sensitive spot Liara had discovered just on the cusp of Jayne’s hairline.

“You aren’t helping Miss T’Soni,” Jayne’s words soft with desire. 

A subtle shift of limbs as Liara’s hand continued its travels, accompanied by gentle nips of teeth.

“What’s that old Human saying?” She mused, between kisses, enjoying the feeling of Jayne shivering at her touch, “one for the road?”

            --------------------------------------------------------------

A rare dry February day greeted the T’Soni corvette as it touched down on the estates landing pad.  Snowdrops, heads heavy with dew, bowed at the foot of trees.  Spring was tantalisingly close.

Jayne found herself in another of Councillor Benezia’s tight hugs.

“Thank you for everything,” Jayne said gratefully into the embrace.  She was overwhelmed by the kindness of Liara’s parents; despite hardly knowing her, they’d made her part of the family. 

Benezia laughed gently, “I should be thanking you,” the Councillor looked pointedly at Liara.

As they pulled away Jayne grinned, “it’s a mutual happiness.”

Shepard shouldered her bag and fell in-step with Liara as they walked down the drive.  Synchronised footsteps crunching on the fine gravel.  Quick footsteps broke their silence.

“I can drop you off if you want?” Shiala called, closing the distance to the pair.

Jayne shrugged, “no need, it’s a nice day and I need to do some thinking.”

The acolyte nodded offering a wave before turning and heading back to the house.

“Something on your mind?” Liara asked, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

“Aside from a beautiful Asari maiden?” Jayne questioned, flashing a smile at her girlfriend.

Liara bit her lip.  It still amazed her that Jayne could give her just half a crooked smile and her stomach would flip.

Jayne continued, “I guess I’ve got a few things I want to explore, I spent a lot of time figuring stuff out on Thessia.”  Jayne shrugged, “I don’t have all the answers yet but I feel like I’m at least on the right track.”

Liara nodded.

“I can tell, it feels as though, maybe you’ve accepted parts of you,” she said tentatively.

They’d reached the end of the driveway.  Jayne wrapped Liara in her arms, a soft, lingering kiss.

“I think you might be right.”

            ------------------------------------------------------

Not many people ventured into the admin block of the camp.  Home to most of the civilian staff trainee cadets and marines had no need to explore inside.   Shepard, however, was a familiar face. 

She casually strolled into ‘archives & records’ swivelling a chair round and straddling it, arms crossed in front of her, she slung herself forward lazily. 

“Back from your holiday?” Gabby asked, still bent low over her papers.  Putting the finishing touches she capped her pen and turned to face Jayne.  Stretching backwards, reliving the tension of hours of painstaking work.  The woman’s hand unconsciously running circles over her pregnant belly.

Jayne smiled, “yup, and feeling much better for it.”

“Glad somebody around her is chirpy,” Gabby replied.

“Done with being pregnant Gabs?”

With a sigh, the woman rolled her eyes, “and some, Kenneth is doing my head in.  He’s entered ‘panicked new Dad’ mode.”

The pair couldn’t help but share a giggle.  Kenneth and Gabby were very much in love, but Gabby often found her husband’s unnecessary stressing incomprehensible.

“Anyway,” Gabby eyed Jayne with mock suspicion, “what do you want?”

Jayne poked her tongue out the side of her mouth, eyes twinkling.

“Theoretical question for you?”

“Oh, I like this already,” Gabby laughed.

Jayne let out a little cough, “so.”

“So?” Gabby raised an eyebrow.

“So, if someone wanted to look up a personnel record of a former serviceman, without leaving digital footprints, how would one, theoretically, go about it?”

Gabby gave Jayne a searching look, Shepard held her gaze.

“Come with me.”

Gabby heaved herself out of her seat, grabbing her swipe card and lanyard as she went.  Jayne followed as they descended a narrow set of stairs.  Footsteps dampened by bare concrete.  Presenting her ID card to the reader, the heavy metal door hissed open.

Gabby flicked on the lights.

As the banks of lamps switched on one by one, Jayne couldn’t help but gasp, hundreds of shelving units stretched wide and deep.

“I’ll just be standing here, being pregnant,” Gabby spoke pointedly, “arranged alphabetically,” she casually inspected her nails, “A is to the left.”

Jayne got the hint.  She strode purposefully down the central spine, glancing briefly left and right to check where she was.  When she realised she’d over shot she doubled back and headed to the left.  Fingers skimmed along the files, some looked empty whilst others took up half a shelf to themselves, excess papers spewing out.

Finally, she found it, well she found the section anyway, turned out there were a surprising number of recruits with the same last name.  Her nails caught the edge of each file until, with a sigh of relief, she pulled the moderately sized folder out of line.

Tucking it down the front of her fatigues Jayne jogged back to the entrance where Gabby stood drumming her fingers against her bump.

“Theoretically have what you need?”

A shared smile and a nod of understanding.

Gabby followed Jayne back up the stairs, “if whatever you don’t have down your shirt could find its way into my top draw when you’re done…” Gabby trailed off.

“Absolutely,” Jayne replied brightly, before adding, “thanks Gabs.”

            ---------------------------------------------------------------

Quick as a flash, Jayne shut the folder and pushed it under her pillow as the dorm door opened.  A moment later the mass of her best friend fell onto her back, Ashley rolling to one side grinning at her.

“Can I see it?”  Williams asked excitedly.

Jayne beamed, “sure.”

Ashley propped herself on her side, and used her free hand to pull back Jayne’s shirt.  Inspecting the small cybernetic wetware amp that nestled at the top of her thoracic spin.

“It’s tiny!” Williams marvelled.  “L2’s are like bricks in comparison.  How does it feel?”

“The implant itself was sore for a couple of days but that was it.”  Jayne adjusted her collar, “it’s setup just to stabilise things at the moment, so honestly Ash, it’s feels like such a relief.”

Shepard wasn’t sure where the tears had come from but it was as if all the positive things that had happened over the past week suddenly broke over her.  Ashley rolled onto her back and opened her arms, allowing Jayne to snuggle onto her shoulder.

“Sorry,” Shepard muttered, wiping her eyes.  “It’s just, it feels like a massive weight has been lifted, you know?”

The arm around her squeezed slightly.

“As a matter of fact, I do.”  Ashley said, she hesitated.  “Jay, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Jayne tried to move but Williams grip tightened, pinning her in place.

“I’ve decided not to pursue officer fast track.”  She spoke quietly.  Regardless of Ashley’s strength, Jayne shot up, looking at her friend.

“What?” She stammered, “but I thought…”

Ashley smiled, “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, remember when the Brass dropped the exercise on us and I totally freaked out.”  Shepard nodded, remaining silent as Ashley continued, “I saw you switch Jayne, you became an instant leader, I’ve seen it so many times throughout our training.”

Jayne could feel the start of a blush, she tried to look away but Ashley brought a hand to her cheek.  “Don’t push it away Jay, you have _talent_.  I realised that however many exams I pass I’m not ready to step up, it doesn’t come naturally to me and I’ll always feel out of place, now isn’t my time.”

“Ash why didn’t you say anything?”  Jayne’s brow furrowed.

“Stop it,” Ashley scolded, “it wasn’t until that moment that it really clicked, I needed to get here on my own.”

“So, what happens next?”  Jayne couldn’t hide the sadness from her voice.  The pair had been inseparable since Ashley started, to part ways now felt, wrong.

Ashley gently thumped Shepard’s shoulder, “don’t look like such a lost puppy Jay, I’m aiming for NCO, Gunnery Chief.”

“So, we still get to be roomies?”

Williams grinned, “you’re not getting rid of me that easily Corporal.”  Ashley paused, eyes glinting, “now are you going to tell me what’s hidden under your pillow?”

Shepard dropped her head in resignation, still smiling, of course nothing gets past Williams.  With a sigh, Jayne pulled out the file.  Ashley flipped onto her stomach, Shepard opened the personnel file.

“Cute,” Ashley chirped, taking in the photo.

Jayne raised an eyebrow, “this is Lieutenant Cora Harper, she was enrolled on the Cadet programme but had crazy biotic ability.  The Alliance literally couldn’t handle her.”

It was Ashley’s turn to look confused, “what gives Jay?”

Jayne swallowed, nervous about what came next, “the Alliance set up a special programme for her, she’s the only human to ever train and operate with an Asari commando unit.”  There.  It was out.  The idea that had been brewing inside of her since she’d first started to comprehend the words her Mother had read to her as lullabies.

            ------------------------------------------------------

A cautious knock on the door.  The Captain didn’t look up right way, it was the Alliance way, make them wait.  He tried not to show his surprise when he caught sight of Jayne.

“Corporal.”  Jayne stood to attention and saluted.

“At ease.”  Shepard stepped to parade rest.

“Welcome back, I see from the tabloids you had an enjoyable trip.”  Garrus chided himself for being so petty, it irked him that Jayne hadn’t come to him to request her leave.  He shook the thought from his head.

Jayne refused to let his words embarrass her, “Captain, I wondered if we could walk the perimeter?”

He pushed himself away from his desk with both hands, unable to hide his astonishment.  It had been a long time since Jayne had uttered those words.  Their code for when she needed him as Garrus, not Captain Vakarian.

In silence, they marched side by side until they reached the patrol route.  They still didn’t speak as Vakarian swiped them through one of the side gates that led to the wooded trails.  Only when they were totally out of sight did the atmosphere shift.

Jayne reached out for his hand, he stopped walking and stared at her hand in his.  It took him a moment to register the weight of her body against his chest.  Brain catching up he wrapped his arms around her.  For a time, they both just stood.  How long had it been since he’d held her?  Too long he realised.  How much had he let slip past him because of rank and obedience?

Stepping back, Jayne took his hand and carefully guided it to the site of her latest addition, maintaining eye contact all the while.  She saw the startled look of realisation as Garrus’s fingers hovered over the amp.  She heard the suck of air across his teeth.

“How long?” His voice was o so quiet.

“They manifested when I was eight, I had the amp fitted at a Serrice Council clinic on Thessia last week.  It’s why I bypassed you.”  There was an apology in Jayne’s words somewhere. 

Garrus just pulled her into another hug, it was time he stepped up.

            -------------------------------------------------------

Jayne let the leather seat cocoon her form, this would never not feel luxurious. 

“You should be in class.” Shiala stated, not looking up from the puzzle she was engrossed in, she continued, “if you’re here to ask if you can borrow the car for illicit activities with the Heiress the answer is no.”

Jayne didn’t take the bait, she was too nervous, twirling her pen between her fingers.  Eventually the acolyte could no longer stand the silence nor the fidgeting.  She reached out and grabbed Shepard’s skittering hand.

Taking a deep breath Jayne opened her mouth, “Will you take me on as a my’ka?”

Whatever Shiara was expecting it was definitely not this.  She blinked, once, twice.  Her mouth opened, and closed.  Then her shock was gone as suddenly as it had appeared.  Eyes darkening, she reached for Jayne, almost rolling her eyes when she felt Shepard confidently waiting for her.

 _“Are you sure about this?”_ The acolyte asked.

_“I present myself as a vessel of learning, dedicated to the teachings of the Anthem and bound by the code of Alishka.  Into your light I step, guide me to usan’mushi.”_

_“My’ka, your voyage starts on a dark shore of uncertainly, together we will calm your seas.  Trust in me and the Goddess will guide you.”_

“I trust you Shiala,” Jayne’s words quiet but certain.

The acolyte nodded, how could she not accept Jayne Shepard as her apprentice?


	16. Nothing Less

Cupping her hands, Jayne blew hard, trying to get some heat into her digits before the final climb.  The darkness and cold had seeped into her bones.  Her fatigues and boots weren’t the best option but soldiers have to make do sometimes.  Back pressed against the wall she inched, crab like, along the concrete run off channel that skirted the base of the building.  Evenly measuring each step to ensure she didn’t stray onto the gravel.  A single crunch would give her position away and she was already hideously exposed.

Even in the cold the coarse grit of the stone offered plenty of friction.  It was only going to be a short climb but the vertical incline meant Jayne had to work hard to keep herself flush with the wall.  Progress was painfully slow as she worked silently, if one of the patrols glanced in her direction there would be no cover.  Heaving upwards, she maintained her focus, finding footholds then placing hands, ignoring the tremble in her forearms as the tendons in her fingers started to strain.

She relaxed when her fingers hooked over the warm wooden lip.  Hours of PT paying off as she rolled herself up and over slowly, feet landing silently in the pile of the carpet.  She turned and slid the window shut.

Liara put down her datapad and flicked on the bedside light.

“Ten out of ten,” she whispered, slipping out of bed and stepping towards Jayne who bent down, unlacing her boots.  Shepard straightened up grinning.  They both moved closer, Jayne noticing that the silk slip her girlfriend was wearing left very little to the imagination.

The lip of the desk caught the back of Jayne’s leg as Liara moved into her, deft fingers already pulling at her belt and untucking her top.

“Thessia spoiled us,” Liara muttered, the ghost of a kiss against Jayne’s neck.

“I know, four hours a week alone with you is not nearly enough,” Jayne’s mouth hot on Liara’s clavicle.  Shepard raised her arms as Liara pulled her top over her head.  The force of bodies pressing into one another causing the desk to thud against the wall, a tin of pens falling over and scattering.  Neither cared.

Lost in deep kisses, Jayne’s cold hand felt shockingly wonderful as it slid up Liara’s outer thigh.  

“Goddess I want you,” Liara’s words purred as she smouldered in Jayne’s arms.

The bedroom door was blown open with a bang.  Shiala stormed in, pistol raised.  Shepard and Liara froze.  Jayne kept her eyes closed, hoping the world would swallow her whole.

“Goddess!  Can you not just use the back door?” Shiala scolded, lowering her pistol and firing a message to the guard to stand down.

Aethyta rushed in, hastily pulling a robe around herself.

“What’s going on?”  She asked, looking between Shiala, pistol in hand and her daughter, practically naked in Jayne’s arms.

“The Corporal decided to infiltrate the T’Soni Estate, again,” Shiala stated, raising a would-be eyebrow at her apprentice.

“Just give the kid a key,” Aethyta said in exasperation.  The matriarch looked at her daughter, “Liara, its 6.30AM, is it not a little early for this?”  Liara’s Father gestured to the general situation of undress.

Jayne was trying desperately to keep her composure, she was staring hard at a spot on the far wall, hoping against hope this would end soon.

Liara still had a hand in the hair at the back of Jayne’s neck she gripped a little tighter as she spoke, “Father, time is a luxury we don’t have a great deal of.”

Aethyta smirked, turning and heading back to bed.  Shiala turned to leave, grabbing the door handle, she looked over her shoulder.

“Will you be wanting breakfast before we start My’ka?”  Shiala held the handle firmly, fighting to keep her face serious and professional.

Jayne felt her jaw ache as she cringed, that was a heck of a burn.  Only now did she realise her hand was still firmly gripping her girlfriend’s leg.

“That’d be great,” she managed to cough out.

As the door finally closed, Jayne exhaled, burying her face in Liara’s shoulder.

\--------------------------------------------------------

It was with a surprising sense of pride that Jayne pulled on the short-sleeved compression top she found in her new locker.  The T'Soni crest bold and bright on her chest.  The easy chatter of the commandos bustling around her at the shift change helped to sooth Shepard's nerves.  She took a moment to appreciate the cold solid metal under her palm as she pushed the door shut, it had been a long time since she'd had a 'first day'.

Jayne strode into the training arena, bare feet pale against the sprung floor.  The air was comfortably warm but her hairs still stood on end.  Shiala stood in the centre of the floor, the acolyte nodded to Shepard but looked past her, smiling a greeting.  Jayne looked over her shoulder, and watched a young Asari sprint across the room, features bright with excitement.  The girl came to rest next to Shepard, stood at full height her crest only just reached Shepards navel.  Dressed in the same compression wear as Jayne, the scene was actually kind of cute.

"Sofia, this is Jayne," Shiala said.

The girl turned to Shepard, she seemed to vibrate with excitement, rocking onto the balls of her feet.  Whilst she tried to maintain a look of seriousness as soon as Jayne caught Sofia's eye the Asari broke into a huge grin.  Quickly looking away to regain her composure.

"Jayne, Sofia is also my my'ka and Liara's cousin, you'll be training together."

Shiala directed the pair to stand opposite each other, around ten meters separating them.  

"Biotic push," Shiala's right hand was lost in a haze of dark energy, she released two identical balls which hit each of them square in the chest.  Shepard took a step backwards, bracing against the force, the equivalent of a firm hand.  Sofia stumbled backwards, landing with a soft thump as she lost her balance.  Jayne bit her tongue against the chuckle that threatened to escape, the young Asari was just too adorable.

"When we train we are always looking for control, wielding dark energy is so much more than brute force and power," Shiala stated.  "Commandos work with skill and elegance, even the lightest of touches can sway the balance of the battlefield."

"Having said that, today I want you to focus on bringing all you have to your push, this space is perfectly safe and no harm will come to you."

Jayne swallowed, her fear started to bubble just below her skin.

Sofia went first, Jayne watched as the young Asari screwed up her face in concentration a bright blue ball of energy flying towards her.  The impact glanced Shepard's left shoulder.

"Relax Sofia, you're almost trying  _too_  hard, if you tense you stop the flow," Shiala guided kindly, "your turn Jayne," she added.

Shepard focused on feeling the dark energy moving through her, the stimulant of the amp was almost overwhelming.  For the first time Jayne actually felt in control, she could feel the power shift around her.  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, focused her mind on pushing everything through her right hand.  She drew her arm back, opening her eyes to take aim.  Her eyes flickered to the massive deep blue orb that surrounded her fist.  As she thrust her hand forward she met the terrified gaze of Sofia.  Shepard was too late in seeing her push bounce back towards her as Sofia instinctively blocked the attack.  In an instant Jayne found herself accelerating backwards.  The force like a frigate slamming into her whole body, the friction of her feet on the flooring burning the skin.  The padding on the wall took the sting out of the impact but Jayne still felt the air crumple from her, head flying forward, she concertinaed into a pile on the floor, spluttering.

Jayne felt a pair of small hands push the hair off her face.  The tiny Asari had tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Sofia asked in a small voice.

Cautiously Jayne tried to fill her lungs, clearing the spinning from her head, she looked at Sofia, offering a reassuring smile, "I'm good," Shepard managed.

"I'm so sorry, I was just really scared," the girls voice catching with a sob.

Jayne pulled herself into a crouch so she was level with Sofia, "don't ever apologies for defending yourself, you did nothing wrong."

Sofia threw herself at Jayne, wrapping her arms around the Corporal's neck.  Jayne's eyes went wide in shock, she caught Shiala's gaze.  The acolyte just tried not to laugh.  Shepard stood up lifting the girl with her, Sofia clung on.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Benezia slipped silently onto the observation gallery, coming to stand next to her daughter.  In the shadows between the lamps the pair knew they couldn't be seen.  The Councillor saw the flicker of sadness that made her daughters jaw twitch, she followed Liara's gaze to the scene below.  Jayne striding towards Shiala, little Sofia snuggled holding onto strong shoulders.

"I won't patronise you with talk about you being too young to be thinking about this," Benezia's voice hushed in the silence.

Liara allowed a small smile to play on her lips, sliding sideways under her Mother's arm.

"A daughter is allowed a moment of wistful thinking?" Liara queried.

"Of course," her Mother replied.

"It's almost perverse that even though we are both hardly considered adults Jayne shoulders the burdens of the Alliance and I am reminded daily of my place and responsibility to the Republic."  Liara's words weren't tinged with sadness, just facts.

Benezia understood, "yet should you be seen to be having 'adult' thoughts about your future they are waved away with disregard?"

Liara let her head rest on her Mother's shoulder, taking comfort in the familiar scent and feeling of soft fabric on her cheek.

"I worry Mother," Liara felt her voice falter, "I already care for her so much yet in Asari terms we have been together nothing more than a blink of an eye.  I've seen how much people change over decades, we are both so young."

"Jayne has lived through more in eighteen years than many Asari do in a lifetime Little Wings," Benezia soothed.

"I know," Liara hesitated, "that's why I worry for the moment we have to have 'the talk.'"

Benezia pulled away, fixing her daughter with a hard look, "Liara," she started, "Jayne Shepard has lost everything, she has known so little that she doesn't even realise how much she's lost.  She already knows the depths of herself, she has already lived a lifetime of suffering, do you know what that does to a person?"  

Liara held her Mother's intense stare.

The Councillor continued, "it makes her love hard and fast, it makes her furious in her pursuit of happiness, fairness and justice.  It makes her intensely loyal, that young woman would move the stars for you Liara T'Soni.  You could trust her with the most precious of things in your life and she would not waver, she would not falter in her commitment."  Benezia hoped her daughter realised she was speaking form experience.

Liara opened her mouth to speak but Benezia waved her silent, "Jayne is not stupid Liara, she knows your time together is short, she knows you will not come of age to bare children in her lifetime, she knows you will love ten, maybe a hundred times over after she's gone.  She may only be with you for a fraction of your life but it is clear she wants you for the whole of hers."

The maiden looked back down at the training arena, Jayne and Sofia were working together to try and knock over Shiala.  She tried to swallow past the lump of emotion in her throat.

Benezia's words were soft against her, "you don't need to have the talk Liara.  Instead of worrying, love her with all of you, tell her at every opportunity, no matter if it is only for a week, a month, a year or a decade.  Love her with every fibre of your being, without reserve, regardless of what the future holds, she deserves nothing less."


	17. Leverage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments. I had no idea this would become so popular. I've been sick this last week so apologies if there are more typos than usual, my heads still a little. . .congested. 
> 
> <3

Wednesday 1st April, for the first time this year Shepard swings her leg over her bike without a jacket.  The morning air finally having a hint of warmth.  The groundsmen had done the first grass cut and the air smells sweet.  Whispers of summer.  She still has her coat in her bag, the forecast predicts showers later and rarely do the Alliance meteorologists get it wrong.

The hairs on her forearms stand on end as she whistles down the hill to the bridge, but as she breaks out of the treeline and freewheels over the hump of the crossing the sun hits her body and any chill is gone.  Today is going to be a good day.  Maybe.

Any day that starts with Liara's smile and a soft kiss 'hello' is a good day in Jayne's book. 

"I need to ask you something Li," Jayne starts, a twist of nerves in her gut.

Liara threads her arm through Shepard’s, pulling herself closer, "go on."

Jayne stops, she can't do this in transit.

"The tickets you got me for Christmas, for the Charge Ball League final," Jayne she's a flicker of, something, pass across Liara's features, it's only there for a fraction of a second.  Shepard continues, "do you really want to go?  It's just," the words are tumbling from her now, "I'd really like to take Grunt, he was my first real friend outside of the Alliance and I'd love to do something..."

Her words are halted by a kiss.

"Please, take him," Liara states simply, her voice filled with relief.  "Goddess, I've been dreading it Jayne, I mean I would happily go but as much as I like spending time with you I really don't understand the rules, and all those people and no.  Just no."

They grinned at one another.

"Next time just say," Jayne teased.

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," Liara said, the pair continuing their journey to class.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Jayne swallowed the mouthful of sandwich, wishing the Alliance would spend the extra credits on nicer bread.  The rain hadn't yet arrived and the sports fields were filled with groups of friends enjoying the first warmth of the year, easy carefree chatter.  She spotted Grunt from a distance, casually passing a ball between a group of his team mates.

Approaching, Shepard caught Nyreen's eye, the tall Turian grinned, with a wink.  Long limbs stretched back as she projected the ball up and over Grunt's head towards Jayne.  The throw didn't quite reach Shepard, the ball bobbling end over end along the ground.  Scooping it up Jayne felt the worn leather under her fingers, nails catching on the stitching.  She spins it between her palms.

Grunt and his other team mates, Kaidan and Samara, turned towards her.

"Pass us the ball then Navy," Kaidan hollered.

Grunt laughed, "watch your mouth Alenko, she'll kick your ass."

Kaidan folded his arms, hip jutting out as he appraised Jayne, "yeah yeah, could kill me in three hundred ways with nothing but rock and string."

Jayne met the boy’s eye, making sure he knew she wasn't taking his teasing to heart.

"Why bother with a rock and string when a charge ball will do just fine?" She laughed.

"You know I'm the sharpest feeder in the league right Shep?" She heard the flirt in his words.

Jayne raised an eyebrow, "come on then Alenko, take a free hit from me?"

His smirk told her he accepted. 

"Oh man. . ." Grunt looked to the heavens, this wasn't going to end well.

Samara and Nyreen watched with amusement as Jayne set herself up to deliver.

Kaidan stood maybe fifteen meters back, arms and legs spread like a star, "Come at me Jayne Shepard," he yelled with glee.

Jayne bit her tongue against her laughter, pulling her arm back she wrapped the ball in an orb of blue, hurling it like a bullet.  It split the air with a whistle, landing 'thwack!' In the centre of Kaidan's chest.  Knocking him clean off his feet and landing him square on his ass.

The krogan roared with laughter, Samara and Nyreen joined in.  Kaidan simply tried to get his breath back.

"I told you," Grunt heckled.

Kaidan looked stunned, "when did you start serving like that?" He panted.

Jayne winked, "hidden talent."

Grabbing one of her friend's massive hands, Jayne pulled Grunt away from the others.

"So, you know I'm kind of seeing someone pretty special," Jayne started.

Grunt threw his arms across Shepard's shoulders, "heh, you mean the Asari you're practically bonded too?"

"That's the one."

"Well I might have read a couple of news stories about you guys," his voice full of playful sarcasm, "and you know seen you making out more times than I care to think about."

Jayne jabbed him in the side with her elbow, "well you need to be super nice to her because she got me tickets for the Charge Ball League final and I was hoping you'd come with me?"

Grunt stared at her.

"Are you serious?" Disbelief crosses the Krogan's face, Jayne just nods, grinning.

The whoop of delight echoes around the playing fields and Shepard was pretty sure a couple of her ribs pop from the hug Grunt pulled her into. 

\------------------------------------------------

As Jayne gingerly walked back towards the school, she skirts around the side of the sports hall, keeping in the sun for as long as possible.  About to head inside she notices a lone figure sat, head bowed on a bench.

Totally uninvited Shepard sits down, trying to avoid wincing with the tweak of pain from her side.  Her body is turned to her subject, left arm lazily draped along the backrest.

"Hey," Jayne says casually.

Aria turns her head, since the leaking of Shepard's files and Liara's out-burst the young woman has been almost invisible at school, head always down, deliberately isolating herself.  She shifts nervously under Jayne's gaze.

Finally, the Asari starts to speak, her voice contains none of its old confidence and arrogance, "look Jayne," she starts.

Jayne thrust out her hand.  Aria blinked at her in surprise.

After a few moments, "don't leave me hanging T'Loak."

With a crumpled brow Aria shakes the proffered hand.

"Hey, I'm Jayne, I think we may have got off on the wrong foot, can we start again?"  Shepard makes sure her words are neutral and sincere.

Aria swallows, a small nod, "Aria, and yeah, I think we did, I'd like that."

\----------------------------------------------------

Liara was taken aback to find Jayne in animated conversation with Aria T'Loak when she came to place her lunch tray next to theirs. The merest hint of an eyebrow raised at her girlfriend as she slid into the seat next to her.  Aria who had been speaking mumbled into silence.

The Asari stood up abruptly, "I'm just getting some water. . ."

Jayne watched Aria hunch towards the water fountain.

"Do I want to know?" Liara asked.

Jayne pushed a carrot around her plate with her fork, "the war hurt a lot of people Liara, some are better at dealing with that hurt than others, we all fuck up from time to time."

Liara squeezed Jayne's knee under the table and kissed her cheek gently, "you are a remarkable woman."

Swallowing the over boiled tasteless orange baton Shepard threw Liara a crooked smile, "you bring out the best of me."

Aria returned, Shepard cleared her throat.

"Aria was just telling me about this really cool project she's doing for business studies." Jayne pulled both Asari into her conversation, "she has to develop a business plan for the Omega Eezo mine, and model all the various outcomes, balancing all the risks."

Liara looked intrigued, "that sounds pretty complicated, I imagine the element zero production modelling is the simplest aspect?"

There was a moment's hesitation before Aria spoke, "errm, yeah, the thing that most people don't understand is the cultural diversity of Omega, you have so many different sects, and factions that it can be really hard to balance everybody's needs.  Particularly as the type of work available in the cluster marries itself to very hard-line individuals, you end up with the ultimate clash of ideologies."

Jayne blew out her cheeks, "sounds like the kind of place you'd need to keep your wits about you."

Aria laughed, it was the first time either Jayne or Liara had seen her smile, "you have no idea."

Liara's words were hushed, "Omega's your home, isn't it?"

It was instinctive for Jayne to reach across the table and cover Aria's hand in hers, she easily saw through the brave face that was being put on to mask hurt.

"I'm sorry Aria, I had no idea," Jayne said.

"Not as sorry as I am Jayne," Aria looked at them both hard, "that day when I came onto you," Liara shifted uncomfortably, Jayne hadn't told her about T'Loak thrusting her cleavage at her.  Aria continued, "you pulled me apart and every word you said was true, the Council had just pushed back the rebuilding of the relays to the Terminus, again, and I was just so angry.  I didn't know what you'd been through, I just saw you both so fucking happy.  I didn't realise then how much you deserved to find that."

Jayne sat back in her chair, both hands behind her head, "maybe we can talk about guns or sport or something?  All a bit heavy for lunchtime."

The mood lifted, Aria smiled again, "you're right. So, Liara," Liara caught the mischief in Aria's eye, "that cute commando of yours, Shiala, she single?"

\----------------------------------------

Jayne couldn't remember ever being surrounded by so many people.  The stands of the Sonax Stadium were filled to capacity.  The evening dusk sharpening the contrast of the floodlights on the pitch.  The crowd was split between the blue and red of KTA Elite and the gold and black of the Thessian Suns.

"Who are we cheering for big guy?"  Shepard asked as the pair settled into their seats.  Liara had chosen well, they had a great view of the pitch.

"Who cares Shep, I'm just here for the broken bones and food," Grunt roared.

A massive hand clapped Grunt on his shoulder, "I like your style kid," the Krogan in the seat behind said gruffly, his red armour had been pimped with the blue insignia of the KTM, "but if you aren't cheering for the KTM we're gonna have problems."

The female Quarian sat next to the Krogan jabbed him in the ribs, "ignore Wrex, he knows the KTM need all the help they can get, the Thessian Suns come into this game on a four-win streak."

As the team procession started and the music was turned up a notch Jayne lost herself to the atmosphere.  It didn't matter what side you were on the thrill of the game was intoxicating.  The noise would ripple through the crowd as the teams clashed on the pitch.  Nimble footed wingers wove between big brutish forwards, the bone crunching slams of on target charges shuddering and making the spectators wince.  With each score the fever intensified, the noise was deafening, thousands of people cheering as one, the vibration of the air pushing eardrums inwards until Shepard was so deaf she couldn't hear her own voice.

The roving medics were busy throughout the game, dragging off the limp forms of players who mistimed a dodge or got caught out by a stinger of a pass.  Grunt kept a running 'kill count' as the rolling subs one each bench dwindled as the match went on.

By half time the score was still level with barely anything separating the two teams.  Grunt returned to his seat carrying an array of food.  Passing Jayne a hotdog as thick as her arm he started pulling apart what looked like half a varren.

"Shep, this is the best," he managed between mouthfuls.

Trying to swallow her own massive bite, Jayne nodded, "I had no idea it'd be like this, it's amazing."

"I'm gonna make it even better," the Krogan winked.

As the pair finished eating Grunt pulled open his rucksack, digging out a small box. "You've got to close your eyes Shep."

Jayne did as she was told, hands held nervously in her lap.

"Okay, you can open them."

Shepard cautiously opened her eyes, her hands instantly covering her mouth as she broke out into a grin.  In the palm of one hand Grunt held a small homemade cake, a single candle sat on top burning brightly, he had his other hand cupped around it, shielding it from the breeze.

"Happy Birthday Shep," he boomed with pride.

Jayne felt the tears start to slide down her face, her first birthday cake since the war.  She blew out the candle and threw her arms around Grunt.  Her sobs of thanks lost in the noise of the crowd.  Who won didn't matter.  For the first time Jayne realised why her parents, and so many others sacrificed themselves.  It was worth it.  All of it was worth it for moments like this.

\------------------------------------------------

The Alliance News network blared across the mess hall, Ashley and Jayne trying to shut out the noise as they ate breakfast, there was never any good news.  Tensions on the Citadel were mounting as preparations were being made to relocate the station back to Widow.  The next phase of mass relay reconstruction plans were due to be announced in the coming days and the Council remained tight-lipped regarding the allocation of funds and resources.

Ashley let her spoon clatter into her bowl, "Jay somethings not right."

Jayne raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I just," Willimas tried to search for the right words, "I just feel weird, like on edge, ever since I woke up I've just felt uneasy."

Shepard shrugged, "just another Friday Ash, double Physics, Language Construct and then a stroll around the park with my best friend and her rifle." 

Jayne stood up to leave, Ashley reached across and took hold of Shepard's wrist, "just watch your back okay Jay."

"I always do."

\-----------------------------------------------

At 10:30 Jayne sat at her desk in the Physics lab.  Dr Jenkins stood at the front explaining how the speed of light could be measured with a microwave oven and a tray of marshmallows.  Shepard twirled her pen between her fingers and thumb, she'd studied this several years previously with the Alliance, her thoughts drifted.  She didn't notice the warmth of the sun on her face interrupted as a shadow passed over.

In an instant Jayne was on her feet.  Chair pushed back and rucksack in hand.  The whole class turned to look at her.  Shepard had been deep in thought but something had brought her back, her nerves tingled, sending ripples through her body.  Jayne fought to identify what it was.

She'd heard something.

Suddenly with a rush of dread she pulled apart her back pack reaching into the very bottom, she always had it with her.  Nobody knew, they couldn't know but as an Alliance Officer it was always there.

Her mind caught up.  The tiny sound that had brought her to her feet was one she recognised all too well, a heat sink being loaded into a gun.  Her fingers curled around the grip of her silenced pistol, she drew it out, pulling back the safety in a swift, practiced action.  Her classmates inhaled sharply, her teacher stood open mouthed staring.  As the door of the classroom was kicked inwards Shepard didn't even hesitate.  She saw the Vorcha, shotgun in hand and felt her finger twitch against the trigger, her bullet landing in her targets forehead with a crack.

Shepard fumbled with her earpiece as she hurled herself across the room, picking up the shotgun and checking it over, she thrust it towards her teacher.

"Everyone barricade yourself behind desks, keep out of the line of sight of the windows," without a glance backwards Jayne shut the door and flattened herself against the wall, taking a deep breath to focus.

_Omega to SixSigma, urgent call for backup code Red, repeat, code Red, over._

_SixSigma to Omega, received and inbound, over._

Jayne closed her eyes, she could imagine the sound of the alarm sounding across the base, pilots sprinting to spin up shuttles, personnel running to suit up and grab weapons.  She thought of Ashley and her bloody feeling of 'unease'.

The science labs were set apart from the main school building, connected by a single corridor.  Jayne carefully moved through the space, no other classes had been disturbed which meant the Vorcha had started at the furthest point with the aim of going door to door.  Shepard froze, they were looking for someone.

She threw caution and sprinted down a set of steps, silently shifting along the link corridor.  A glance out the window told her two Batarian State Arms shuttles had landed on the playing fields, two guards stood by each.  As she moved through the hallways Shepard tried to do the maths, room for six on each shuttle, plus pilots.  Two outside and one down left nine, she had five bullets.

_Omega to SixSigma, two BSA shuttles, assuming twelve tags plus support, over._

_SixSigma to Omega, received, three minutes ETA._

The blast rang out through the corridor.  Shepard gasped.  Doors flew open concerned faces peering out.  A strangled scream and a thud. 

Jayne skidded to a halt in the main corridor, she saw the shot gun spread that had ripped through a bank of lockers, Aria stood swarmed in a biotic haze.  Two Batarians lay in a crumpled heap against the mangled mess of the other bank of lockers.

Jayne met the Asari's eye, saw the storm that ranged.

"T'Loak what's the deal?" Jayne shouted.

"Omega mercs," she stated, the anger making her voice tremble.

“Why are they here?”

"Leverage," Aria said simply.

Jayne understood. Liara.

The realisation made Shepard dizzy.

"Down!" Aria yelled.  Firing ball of dark energy over Jayne's shoulder.  Shepard turned and dropped two bullets into the foreheads of the enemies gripped by the singularity. 

"Aria, stay here, keep everyone in classrooms, the Alliance are inbound," Shepard ordered as she sprinted past her victims who were steadily bleeding out lifelessly in the hallway.

Liara was in History, on the opposite side of the quad.  Sprinting through the corridors Jayne caught the Vorcha too late, a bullet to the knee wasn't enough to stop her target hitting the fire alarm. Slamming a boot to its head Shepard continued to push forward, now having to push through the stream of students rushing from rooms.

It was a whirlwind of noise, colour and chaos.

"Where is she?" Jayne panted catching sight of Liara's history teacher.

The old Turian was near hysterical, "an Asari took her, I didn't know what to do."

Fuck.

Jayne continued to fight her way through the crowd, kicking open a fire exit and skirting around the outside of the school.  She saw the arrival of the Alliance shuttles, the tell-tale sound of sniper fire, it had to be friendly.  The familiar roar of the T'Soni corvette told her an evac was being attempted.  She raced towards the sports hall.

As she tore across the open space she saw Shiala and Liara close in on the sports hall entrance, two enemies in hot pursuit, weapons on hips, bullets ricocheting off Shiala's barrier.  Pushing harder Shepard took aim, catching one attacker in the shoulder, their accomplice didn't stop.  The corvette was lowering onto the sports hall roof as Jayne ran past the stumbling batarian, putting another bullet between multiple eyes.

One bullet.

Shepard could hardly breathe.  She found Shiala backed against the door to the roof access stairs.  The commando's eyes flickered to Jayne's her relief clear.  The batarian's assault rifle still trained on the Asari.

Jayne raised her pistol. One bullet. Swiftly she took aim, finger sharp on the trigger.

The sound of the shot rang out around the hall.

Echoing with an agonised scream.

Jayne dropped her pistol.

Shiala slid to the ground.


	18. Tender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've all been so supportive in your praise that I couldn't leave you hanging too long. . .

The second bullet found its target but the third exploded in a sickening crack of plaster and brick.  Sharp needles flicked the air and licked across skin.  Jayne charging headlong into the shooter.  The pair tumbled once, twice, Shepard’s fingers scratching for purchase on her assailant’s body.  The scuttle of the assault rifle skimming across the floor as hands lost grip shimmering through the echoing sports hall.

The only thought that flew through Jayne’s mind was that she didn’t have an omni-blade.  Grappling with an alien twice her weight she was flung onto her back, cold fingers gripping her throat.

With the air already forced out of her lungs the burning panic instantly set in.  A heavy knee pressed into her stomach Jayne trying to fight the urge to breath with the acrid sting of bile rising in her gullet.

Going limp Jayne tried to buy herself a moment of relief, the hint of space between clammy hands and her airways, the merest whisper of breath finding its way into her starved chest.

Flicking her head to the side Jayne tried to dislodge the Batarian whose face was so close to hers she couldn’t avoid the multiple reflections of her terror blinking back at her. 

A glance to the side is enough.  Shiala’s body, limp, melting into a growing pool of violet.  Shepard’s soul rages.

Jayne hasn’t yet mastered warp, she knows the theory but in practice all she’s managed to do is turn an apple into a pile of brown mush. 

With every ounce of focus Jayne pulls at her cells willing all of her to flood her amp.

This close she realises why warp is considered one of the darkest biotic skills to be wielded.  Her strength isn’t great enough to go deep into her target but it’s enough.

She can’t help but stare, the image will forever be etched in her mind.  The deep powder blue, laced with darkness pulls at the features of her attacker.  She watches as skin starts to spread apart, features lost into a viscous mass of thick tissue.  The muscles sweating off of bones, what should be inside succumbing to gravity.  Eyes, innards, brains, blood and fluid cascade out of the carcass bathing Jayne in the stinking heat of death.

Rolling onto her side Shepard shakes herself, violently flicking her arms out to try and dislodge the handfuls of wet mess that cling to her.  Trying to find a clean part of her fatigues to wipe her mouth on, giving up she spits out past the face full of matter and mucus, trying not to think about the origins of the liquid that creeps across her scalp.

Stumbling to her feet she skids to her knees next to Shiala, the Captain’s eyes rolled back, the flutter of a rise in her chest.  Three bullet wounds, right shoulder, abdomen and left thigh.

Jayne freezes, her brain stumbling to take it all in, the blood she’s knelt in steadily migrating up her fatigues.

Shepard fumbles with her belt, whipping it around her waist, she threads it quickly around Shiala’s leg, pushing it as high as she can, ratchetting the leather hard against the trembling muscle.  The steady pulse of blood eases to an ooze.

A deep breath.  Considering options.  There aren’t any.

Jayne slams her palms hard against the two other bullet wounds and screams for a medic.

            --------------------------------------------------

The base is electric, a sniper sits in every watch tower, pairs of armed and armoured marines patrol the perimeter a ‘no fly’ zone is in effect, civilian staff are on lock down.

There is no ceremony in the manner in which the pilot lurches the shuttle to the ground in the middle of the parade ground.  All the landing pads are full and this is closer to the medical centre anyway.

Jayne has to be peeled off the wall of the shuttle and practically pushed out of the door she’s in such a state of shock.  All she can taste is the metallic twang of blood.  Her skin itches as whatever she’s covered in has started to dry and crack.  Her eyes haven’t left Shiala.

The field medics have worked quickly to try and stabilise, the hushed whispers and lightning fast movements tell Jayne all she needs to know.  Not that she’d ever think three, point blank rifle hits weren’t going to be critical, regardless of the strength of Shiala’s barrier.

Jayne meekly follows the rushing medical team towards the infirmary.  Barely registering the presence of the T’Soni corvette or what it means.  An orderly bars her entry.

“No way Shepard,” his voice firm.

She blinks, not understanding.

His words soften, “I don’t know what you’re covered in but you need to disinfect before you can come in here okay?”

She nods, turning away, footsteps drifting in a vague direction.

Suddenly the air feels too thick to breath, Jayne’s knees buckle and she’s questioning why it’s so dark for the middle of the day.

“Easy does it tiger,” the reassuring gravity of strong arms wrap around Jayne’s waist.  James Vega easily scooping the shivering wreck of a woman into his body.  Carefully he cups her onto his forearms, lifting her into the air and walking towards the barracks.

“Ash!” Vega yells, his boot kicking open any door that stands in his way.

Ashley sprints out of her room, she can’t disguise her shock at seeing the state of Jayne.  Williams directs Vega to the bathroom, opening the door ahead of him and turning on the faucet.

James lowers Jayne into the stream, keeping her close.  Ashley is gone less than a minute, returning with an armful of toiletries and towels.  Vega rakes his fingers through Jayne’s hair, pushing it back from her face so the water can start to penetrate the gore that’s crusted to her.

Vega tentatively starts to undo Jayne’s uniform, Ashley swallows back the ball of emotion that’s stuck in her throat, she hasn’t seen anything so tender.  His brow furrowed in concern, his movements soft and caring despite how he dwarfs Jayne.

When James glances up and sees her looking, it hits her.

“I love you Ash,” his voice is a whisper but his words are defiant.

Ashley’s hand covers her mouth, she’s trying to get a grip on the tears that threaten to spill.  All she can do is meet his eye and nod.  She loves him too.

The pair carefully soap and shampoo Shepard, over and over until they can’t feel a single stray fragment of bone or dust.  Until the water runs clear and Jayne’s skin shines pink from their polish.

Jayne’s eyes look beyond them, her mind still lagging behind, there presence is a comfort, their touch grounding.

As Ashley shuts off the shower, all three try not to look at the pile of bloodied fabric, Williams promises herself she’ll come back later and make sure that uniform gets burnt.

James cocoons Jayne in a towel, guiding her to sit on a bench, taking another towel and drying her hair.  Williams crouches in front of her best friend, taking her hands in hers.

“Jay,” Ashley watches Shepard’s eyes start to refocus.

“Jayne, it’s over, your safe, we need to get you dressed and then to the infirmary okay?”

Shepard nods, her fingers tighten around Ashley’s.

Williams stands up, pulling Jayne with her.  With a coaxing nudge, they head for the door.  Ashley looks over her shoulder to see James, ragged with emotion, soaked to the skin, a towel hanging limply from his hand.

“I love you too James.”

            ----------------------------------------------------

With the familiar movements of pulling on clothes Jayne starts to find her feet.  Pulling on socks and underwear, a pair of worn jeans and t-shirt.  She can feel the ground again and the air moving through her lungs.

Ashley pushes a mug of tea into her hand alongside a chocolate bar.  “Eat, drink, then we’ll go okay?”

Jayne does as she’s told, watching as Williams quickly changes into a dry uniform.

The sugar hitting her blood stream helps Jayne start to feel warm again.  Her pulse finally settling, her thoughts clearing.

“Liara?” Jayne’s words hoarse, her throat felt coarse and ruined, tentative fingers find delicate skin already bruising.

“She’s safe, she and her Father arrived minutes after our shuttles had left,” Ashley sat next to Shepard, “what happened Jay?”

Jayne felt herself flinch at the thought, she took a long pull of tea, settling herself. 

“Mercs from Omega attempted to kidnap Liara, most likely to demand the Council start to rebuild the relays to the Terminus.”  Shepard swallowed, it was painful to speak.

Ashley ran her fingers through her hair, “Jesus, this puts the Council in a really awkward position, if they allocate funds now it’ll be seen as a direct response to the attempt, and if they don’t then things could easily escalate.”

Jayne nodded, “a problem for another day.”

Gingerly getting to her feet Shepard headed for the door.

            --------------------------------------------

Dr. Chakwas worked silently as she assessed the soft tissue damage to Jayne’s neck and airways.  It’d be painful for a few days but nothing to be concerned about.  The mental scars, those were harder to diagnose and would take time.

With a nod, the Doctor dismissed Jayne.  Shepard slid off the bed and crossed the corridor to the critical care unit Shiala currently occupied.  Through the window Jayne could hardly make out the Asari for tubes, a hospital gown and machines of various shapes and sizes.  Bags of blood, plasma and saline strung around the room feeding into various points, the usual bright shine to the acolyte’s skin lost.  The commando looked wasted.

A familiar hand lands on her shoulder.

“Do we need to talk?”

Jayne shakes her head.  “Not yet.”

Garrus wraps his arms around Shepard as she seeks shelter in him.

“There’s nothing you can do here Jayne, come with me.”

Jayne nods, still clinging tightly to him, she remembers feeling like this before.  Not knowing what will come next and constantly fearing what she thinks she knows will be ripped from her grasp.

Garrus gently pushes Shepard through a door, a small blank lounge, two kaki green sofas sit opposite one another, they look overstuffed and uncomfortable.  A battered coffee table between, depressingly grey.

Aethyta and Liara spin around from their position at the bare window as the door opened.

In two steps Shepard is enveloped in the familiar feeling of her family.  It isn’t the same as last time.  She holds on tighter.

            ----------------------------------------------

The window has fallen into darkness when Shepard wakes, the strip lights glare is harsh.  Her neck is stiff from where she’d fallen asleep with her head on Liara’s lap.  Her girlfriend’s soft fingers in her hair lulling her into blissful oblivion.

It’s a moment before Jayne realises she’s been roused by the hushed whispers of Benezia and Aethyta arguing.  The room is even more cramped as seven or eight Asari have shoehorned themselves into the box.  Shepard recognised a few of them as aids and others as part of the honour guard. 

A hand grazes her cheek.

_“You okay?”_

Jayne breathes deeply, feeling her essence reach out for Liara’s calm mind.

_“No, but it’ll pass.”_

_“I love you.”_

Jayne let herself be swallowed whole by the great depth of Liara’s feelings for her.  The panic that hides just below Shepard’s surface being tamed.

She met Liara’s gaze, a smile passed between them.

“I need to get some air,” Jayne whispered.  Liara nodded watching her leave.

            -------------------------------------------------

After a lap of the perimeter Jayne felt her head clear.  The cold air blowing out the dregs of sleep and stress.  She wasn’t out of the woods, she didn’t doubt the horrors of the day would haunt her, but for the time being, she was okay.

Grabbing what she needed Shepard made her way back to the infirmary, the two commandos who stood either side of Shiala’s door didn’t make a move to stop her as she pushed open the door.

The soft glow of the lamp cast a golden warmth across the room.  Despite the inner battle raging in the Asari as Jayne looked on, the space was calm and peaceful.

Sliding into a chair Shepard laced her fingers together in her lap, took a deep breath and started to wait.

Throughout the night Jayne kept an eye on the steadily improving vitals, allowing herself a snatch of sleep between visits from the staff.  She was grateful they accepted her without question, a tray of food being silently left next to her vigil.

When the door was pushed open early the next morning Jayne assumed there must have been a mistake, she didn’t see anyone enter.  Until the cautious form of Sofia nervously walked around the end of the bed.

Jayne couldn’t help but smile, the girl seemed relieved.

Without warning Sofia started to clamber onto Shepard, Jayne, pulling the tiny Asari upwards so she could nestle onto her chest.

“You okay tiny?” Jayne whispered.

“Is Shiala going to get better?” Sofia’s voice small and full of concern.

“She’s really hurt and very sleepy at the moment but is getting better, it might take a while for her to heal completely,” Jayne doing her best to explain the situation.

Sofia hung onto Jayne’s shoulders a little harder.

“Mum said you were there, that if it hadn’t been for you the bad people would have won.”

Jayne closed her eyes trying to push back against the memory.  Crystal clear, the first and second finger on her right hand twitched over the imaginary trigger.

Shepard focused on the rise and fall of Sofia on her chest.

But still, the accusing ‘click’ of her pistol jamming echoed around her.


	19. It's Killing Me

“You can’t come in here,” the Alliance Privates stood tall, rifles held across chests, blocking the door to the infirmary.

Jayne stared at them, “I’m sorry?”

“Access is restricted to the T’Soni family and honour guard.”

“I am family,” Shepard stated indignantly.

The marine shrugged, “not in the eyes the Admiral.”

Jayne felt her chest tighten, of course the Admiral would swoop in, with the Councillor on the base he had to be seen to be doing something useful. 

Turning on her heels Jayne took off back towards the barracks.  She found Ashley frantically organising her locker and pulling on her dress blues.

“Jay we’ve got an inspection in half an hour,” Ashley said.

Shepard gritted her teeth, “Hackett can fuck himself, I’ve been banned from the infirmary.”  Jayne was seething.

Ashley straightened up, jaw dropped, “what do you mean?”

Jayne couldn’t help the flail of her arms as she spoke, “armed marines at all entrances, family and honour guard only, I can’t see Liara or Shiala.”

“What? Why? It doesn’t make any sense,” Williams looked confused.

“Ash, the reports from the attack on the school, they know I warped the Batarian, it was my only option,” Williams started to connect the dots.

“Jay, what are you going to do?”

 Shepard grabbed her cycling helmet out of her locker.

“Give them what they want,” she said simply.

            ----------------------------------------------

Instead of wheeling her bike to the front gate, Jayne mounted at the racks, riding at full speed towards the exit, she needn’t have bothered.  Joker simply gave her a cheery wave, the barrier already raised.

It took her twelve minutes to reach the T’Soni estate, skidding to a halt at the back door.  She swiped her omni-tool against the reader, the key she’d been given finally coming in use.

Still breathing hard she took the stairs two at a time to the basement, startling the two commandos who sat in the armoury.  Jayne already pulling off her clothing as she wrenched open her locker.

She steadied herself as she pulled on her under armour.  Shaking out her leathers she allowed herself a moment to appreciate the supple material between her fingers.  This was the first time she’d pulled these on, the collision that had been brewing for months now not just a distant possibility on her horizon.  She was living it.

As she fumbled with a zip one of the commandos approached.

“Here, let a sister help,” the Asari said gently.

The second guard opened the weapons locker, retrieving a pistol and holster.  Jayne didn’t offer any resistance as the woman secured the sidearm to her right leg.  She noted they’d gone to the trouble to acquire her a silenced weapon.  She knew it was just for effect, Jayne had no intention of drawing arms against the Admiral.

The pair stepped back.

“May you carry the honour of the House,” they said in unison.

            ---------------------------------------------------

Joker let out a low whistle as Jayne rested her bike against the guards cabin.

“This is it isn’t it Jayne?” He asked.

Shepard shrugged, “either I walk out of here as part of House T’Soni or I’m being shipped off to biotic camp, either way I’m done here.”

He nodded, offering her a hand.

A firm handshake, “do what you have to do Corporal, Godspeed.”

Before rounding the corner to the parade ground Jayne took several deep breaths.  The infirmary lay on the other side of the square.  It was now or never.

“Shepard,” Captain Vakarian hissed from behind her.

She turned to see the Captain walking towards her in full dress uniform his medals gleaming.

Garrus sighed, Jayne looked stunning, his chest swelled with pride.

“I know what you’re about to do and I know why,” he said simply.

“I’m sorry,” Jayne offered.  After everything Garrus had done for her she knew this wasn’t how he’d envisaged their end.

“You’re sorry?” The Captain looked confused.  He stepped towards Jayne, fixing her with a hard look.  “Jayne, this is the proudest moment of my life.  All I’ve ever wanted was for you to grow up instilled with the same values and morals as your parents.”  He took her hands in his, “you’re fierce and passionate, intelligent and driven.  I don’t care that you want out of the Alliance, I just care that you feel strong and confident enough to go out there and take control.  You are a remarkable young woman Jayne Shepard.”

“Garrus,” Jayne faltered, “I know things got clouded between us, I’m sorry I kept things from you, but I want you to know that you did them proud.  You never tried to replace either of them but I’ll still always consider you just as much my Father as Jason Shepard.”

“And now you need to go and find your place with a new family who I have full faith in their ability to nurture you on your onward journey.”

“You’ll always have a place Garrus Vakarian,” Jayne whispered.

“And I’ll always have your back Jayne Shepard.”

With a final nod and smile, the pair turned, Garrus falling instep next to Shepard, their echoing footsteps clicking in time as they marched side by side onto the parade square.

            ------------------------------------------------------

The square was pristine, no doubt several unlucky recruits had been tasked with sweeping it end to end.  The officers, marines and cadets all stood to attention in their regimented rows.

T’Soni teal carpet exited the square at one corner, the House corvette idling on the landing pad, several commandos flanked the vessel.

Ashley Williams stood on the front row of the Cadet platoon.  She recognised Jayne’s silhouette the instant she came into view.  The cadet couldn’t help but smile as she saw her friend stride confidently across the square, looking every bit the highly trained warrior she was.

As the Captain and Shepard made their way across the square the Admiral and Councillor came into view.  Jayne smirked, as if Hackett was parading Benezia through the rank and file at a time like this.

Covered by the lines of marines a close knit group of Asari and medics wheeled Shiala towards the waiting ship.

Shepard saw the Admiral stiffen, his lips pulled into a tight line as he and the Councillor adjusted their trajectory to intercept Jayne and Garrus.

The two pairs came to rest opposite one another, the Captain standing to attention and saluting the Admiral.  Jayne remained still.  When Hackett’s gaze shifted to her Shepard pointedly turned to Benezia. Jayne laid her fist against the T’Soni crest that sat on her chest.  The Councillor nodded her affirmation, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“Corporal, I assume you are going to explain why you aren’t in dress whites two and why you have deliberately disrespected a superior?”  Hackett’s voice was a dangerous growl.

“I respect you fully Admiral, however, I serve with honour the House of T’Soni, not the System’s Alliance.”  Jayne kept her voice even and clear.

“Bullshit Shepard, I don’t know what you think you’re doing but your loyalty is with the Alliance whether that suits your love life or not,” Hackett spat the words.

Benezia made the tiniest movement forward, placing herself a fraction of an inch between Hackett and Jayne, she made a small noise in the back of her throat. 

“Actually Admiral, Jayne has declared her rites as My’ka to my primary acolyte, whose life Jayne was instrumental in saving, their bond is written into Asari law,” Benezia spoke calmly. 

Hackett bristled, “with all due respect, Councillor,” the unnecessary stressing of the last word illustrating he had no respect whatsoever for the Matriarch.  He continued his dangerous line of conversation, “Jayne Shepard’s only loyalty is to the Systems Alliance, which she bond herself to upon taking the Oath to Serve.”

Garrus knew these were likely the last words he’d ever speak before his court martial but he thought of his promise to Jason and Hannah and puffed his chest out a little more.  “She’s never taken it,” he stated.

Hackett stared at the Captain.

Vakarian let his voice ring a little louder, “Corporal Jayne Shepard has never formally enlisted in the Systems Alliance, in eleven years she has never once taken the Oath to Serve.  She is free of all and any obligation to the Navy.”

Benezia slipped into the awkward silence, “and now if you’ll excuse me _Admiral_ , I am needed back on the Citadel, along with my honour guard.”

Jayne was surprised her legs still managed to carry her they felt so weak.  As she took her position a respectful distance behind the Councillor she let out the breath she’d been holding.

Shepard’s paused in front of Ashley.  Standing to attention and giving her best friend her finest salute.

“It’s been a privilege and an honour Williams,” Jayne managed to force out.

“Likewise Shepard, good hunting,” Ashley voice catching in her throat as she returned the gesture.

            ------------------------------------------------------

Jayne slumped into the co-pilots seat, she didn’t bother to hide the tears that silently slid down her face.  Her stare fixed somewhere in the middle distance.  She lost herself in the view of Earth falling away from the ship, the sky darkening as they rose high and higher.  Only when the last wisps of the atmosphere had released their grip on the vessel did Jayne start to calm.

The back and forth radio chatter soothing background noise as they flew through space.  Jayne looked across to Naomi as the corvette arced away from the sleek form of the Citadel.

“Where are we heading?”  She asked.

“Thessia,” the pilot replied, “the Citadel isn’t safe and Shiala needs peace and quiet to recoup.”

Shepard simply nodded turning her attention back to the stars.

After the first relay jump the scent of fresh mint tea filled the helm.  Jayne twisted in her seat to see Liara approaching, she took the mug carefully into her hands, the warmth a welcome relief.

Liara kissed Jayne’s forehead.  “I’m going to bed, join me if you feel ready.”

At FTL there wasn’t much to see, the constant blurring of light merged into visual white noise.  Jayne slid further down into her seat, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging her tea close.

The last four days had been a blur of check-ups, debriefings and worry.  She’d eaten out of habit and hardly slept, staying awake until her body refused to comply and she’d fall into a fitful stupor, waking up as groggy and disorientated as when she’d gone to bed.

With her mug empty Jayne resigned herself to the need to move.  Her body ached from her tiredness.  She handed her mug to an attentive maiden and nodded to a pair of commandos who were playing cards at the far end of the room.

Liara put down her book as Shepard entered, slipping from the duvet she pulled out a small pile of clothes from a bag and placed them at the foot of the bed.

“PJs,” she said simply.

Jayne lay staring at the ceiling of the cabin, Liara’s soft snuffles gentle against her neck.  The curve of the Asari against her so perfect in their join.  Yet still she couldn’t settle, the choking suffocation, Shepard couldn’t stand it.

Carefully, she silently exited the room.  Padding softly through the ship, the radio chatter from the helm the only noise disturbing the stillness.

Shiala turned to her visitor, she saw the turmoil of her my’ka.

Silently she reached for Jayne’s hand.

_“You did your best.”_

_“It’s killing me.”_

_“I know,”_ Shiala flooded the meld with reassurance, she’d seen this coming for a while.  They all had.  There was only so much healing one person could do in a confined space.

_“If I could lay my body down in forgiveness I would.”_

_“You don’t need to.  You are enough.”_

_\---------------------------------------------------------_

Thessia dawned bright and warm, it always did at this time of year.  As the corvette settled on the landing pad it looked as though half of the planet had turned out for the arrival of the Councillor.  In a sea of Asari a human would usually stand out but it was with only the merest glances back that Jayne slipped silently into the shadows.

            ---------------------------------------------------------

Liara felt the weight of the pebble, balancing it between her fingers, feeling the coarse surface, cool and solid.

“Is she safe?” The maiden asked.

Shiala held the piercing look of the heiress before nodding.

“I didn’t know it could feel like this?”  Liara’s voice caught against her hurt, “I’d never felt so complete.”

The acolyte placed a hand on the maiden’s shoulder, “even the longest, darkest of nights eventually dawn bright.”

Liara bowed her head as she listened to Shiala’s fading footsteps.

She threw her arm back, watched the pebble skim across the water, once, twice, three times.  She didn’t dare blink until the surface of the water had pulled taught against the final echoes, the stone succumbing to the deep.  Disappearing without a trace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I'm able to fully articulate how grateful I am for all the messages of support both in terms of comments and kudos. This started out as a random idea that quickly found traction. You've all been wonderful and I hope I've done the characters that you know and love justice.
> 
> I've already got part two mapped out but I've got a busy month coming up so it's unlikely I'll start formally writing it for a little while. I may however tease you all with some one-shots because I absolutely love writing about this AU.
> 
> Humbly yours,
> 
> LtLime23


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